What should I do about my fear of rejection and making new friends?

Question

I am starting college as a freshman and at my university they are welcoming the new students by having free bowling and a party but I don't want to go because I don't know anyone and I am a shy person who is constantly thinking of what others are judging me by. I don't want to attend welcome weekend because I am afraid of being rejected. I just want to cry because I do want friends but I was considrered an outcast at my highschool what should I do?

Answer 1

Try to remember what others think about you is none of your business... Or think that most grown people (I'm 31) will tell you that they rarely regret what they did but they more often regret what they didn't do.

You can do it. People will like you and you will find friends if you go out there and try to be a friend. College will be great if you want it to be. You can do this!

Answer 2

Well just take a couple of deep breaths and relax. Do this every time you have to face a new group. Then wear a pretty smile, please let it come from your heart. With this, you will automatically attract at least someone. Do not be judgemental about the person who comes and talks with you. Be open and have a nice conversation. Make sure you make an eye contact. This builds a lot of confidence in both the parties. Body language has a lot to do with being accepted or rejected. A person who make a lot of eyecontact and smiles is more popular than a person who does not do these things. Try it and you will be surprised.

I would also suggest that you stand in front of the mirror and look at yourself in your eye and speak as if you are introducing yourself to you. It may seem very funny at first, then you get used to talking confidently, you will apply the same principle when you are going out and talking to new people.

I am using a self hypnosis therapy for my health issues. I will give you the website and there they have different downloads which help you in building your self esteem etc. The website is
www.uncommonknowledge.com

All the best.

Answer 3

Pity but there's only one way out: just 'kill' your fear for once in a lifetime, go all the events and speak speak speak... If you see a lonely person standing near, talk to him, see a group of people, go there and stand close.
In your situation it's very simple, take your chance! You all are newcomers at the college, it means you all are even now. And what you create now, will go with you on and on.
Here's what you can ask other students:
1.What's your name
2. where are your from?
3. Why did you choose this college?
4. Are any of your frinds here too?
5. Are you gonna attend...?
... And many other things! Most importand is not to be affraid of being open. You could just get to a girl ( or two or ten) and just say smth like "hi, I'm starting to create my friends network! wanna join?"
Just don't be shy!
And don't get drunk from fear:)

Answer 4

I also suffer from a fear of rejection. No doubt it is caused from a past experience where you felt unloved and unwanted. I have found help and peace and confidence by knowing who I am in Christ and knowing that God loves me no matter what. Here are some scripture references on the love that God has for you....once you get a knowledge of how great his love is for you and how you are accepted in the beloved, no one else's feelings of you will matter....Look these up and confess them daily. Isaiah 54:10, Jeremiah 31:3, Romans 8:38-39, Ephesians 3:18-19, 1John 4:15-16. If you don't have a bible you can find one on-line. If you are not familiar with the bible, I would recommend reading from an ERV (easy to read version). Be blessed and know that God loves you and he created you and you are accepted and loved by him no matter what.

Answer 5

Forget the past if it's holding you back. The present is the point of power, and you are free to take whatever comes your way. If you don't want to go, then don't go. But if you want to go and are scared that it might be a bad experience, you are denying yourself a positive experience. Know that college is different than high school and nobody is going to know you. Everyone is in a position to meet and accept others.

If I was you, I would go and take it naturally. If you think about the negative, you are negating the positive.

Answer 6

The problem is that you need to stop thinking what others think. its college life its the best years. Dont be afraid to mingle and talk to people. Im sure youll find people to talk to when you get there im sure that if you see someone who feels alone youll go right up to him or her and say hi. and hang out with them. If you think that way youll see that noone will come up to you. you might not notice but facial expressions say alot of things. Dont be afraid!!

Have fun

Answer 7

Go. :) You might meet some nice people and people you can sit with in class. If their are some unfriendly people there then ignore them and try to find the friendly ones.
There's sure to be some friendly people there. And some people who will approach you and include you. Don't let your fear ruin that.

Answer 8

You are giving rejection all the power it has over you. You cannot change what others think, and as you know what people think rarely has any basis in truth. You can only change how you think. Love yourself and then the "world" can love you.

Answer 9

this site has a lot of info on Fear of Rejection plus the following steps:

Steps to overcome the fear of rejection
Step 1: Read through the material in this chapter and decide whether or not you operate out of a fear of rejection.

Step 2: Identify in your journal the person(s) from whom you fear rejection.

The people whose rejection I fear include:

Step 3:Identify in your journal how your fear of rejection is displayed in your behavior toward the people you identified in Step 2.

The behavior patterns reflecting my fear of rejection include:

Step 4: Identify in your journal healthy, productive, and rational alternative behavior patterns to those identified in Step 3.

Alternative behavior patterns to those coming from my fear of rejection include:

Step 5: Identify in your journal what the consequences would be of using the alternative behavior patterns listed in Step 4.

The consequences of using alternative behavior patterns would be:

Step 6: Identify in your journal what obstacles, other than your fear of rejection, exist in your adopting the alternative behavior listed in Step 4.

The obstacles that block my adopting the alternative behavior in Step 4 include:

Step 7: Analyze the obstacles listed in Step 6 and identify in your journal whether they are irrational beliefs or actual obstacles to change. If they are irrational beliefs use the Tools for Coping Series refutation of irrational beliefs, in Tools for Personal Growth. If the obstacles are not irrational beliefs use the five dimensional problem-solving model found in Productive Problem Solving, to find alternatives to rid yourself of these obstacles.

Step 8: Implement alternate behavior patterns not based on a fear of rejection.

Step 9: If you still have problems and are operating out of a fear of rejection, return to Step 1 and begin again. A professional or objective helper may be necessary to guide you.

Answer 10

You have to accept that rejection is part of life. You CANNOT avoid it, and more than you can death some day.