what would you do if you were me?

Question

im in a relationship with a man who has another family before me. He's no longer marry to her. They live in two different country but he pays for everything over there rent bills food expense and extra spending money, but that's not enough for her. She wants more money or she wants him to buy their son shoe and ship it which cause more money then her buying it over in the philippine. we're suggling here I have to work two full time job with no support from him. i have a son with him too he's only one but both his parent work two full time job. As for his ex wife she doesn't work at all. wat or how you feel if you were me, mind you their son is 4 and in school but yet she isn't working....

Answer 1

I think your answer is hidden in your question. Leave him.... and he'll fully support you and your child!

Answer 2

This is a difficult situation for you. It is right that your partner supports his child as he has a responsibility to, but it seems that paying for rent, bills, food and extra spending money is a bit extreme. Is this an agreement made by the courts or just an agreement between them? If its made by the courts you could appeal for reduced payments as he obviously has a new family to support now. If it is an unwritten agreement then it is a little more tricky. Is he happy paying for all of this? If he is there is nothing you personally can do. If he is not happy then he should reduce his payments and just pay for expenses directly related to the care of the child, for example his schooling and clothing. The costs of raising the child should really be shared between both parents and he should not be expected to fund the living expenses of the mother. I expect he is afraid that if he stops paying for everything contact with his son will stop, and this is really blackmail on the other womans part. In an ideal world she would claim on the benefits system or go back to work and use childcare facilities, but she may need to be pushed into this by your partner. He has a responsibility to his son that he has with you too and should be supporting you now. You need to be strong and tell him to sort things out before the stress of overwork comes between you.

Answer 3

If this man is committed to you and you both are working towards a future together, than maybe you both should sit and discuss this. I understand that he has previous responsibilities, which you were aware of entering the relationship. Therefore, to pay child support would be understandable. You mentioned that they were married, so even spousal support may be understanding. At least through this way you can budget and know how much is going out of your guys home and what you have to work with to handle your responsibilities here. If he just sends money and it is not through child support or spousal, then maybe you can suggest this. Especially, if it is starting to take its toll on you two's relationship. If he is about a future with you, and about establishing a comfort zone for the two of you, financially, then, I don't see why he would have a problem with this. If you both can't come to terms about this, then maybe you should reconsider the relationship. If this is something he won't correct and even though it bothers you, if you can accept it, non-arguementively, then more power to ya, but if it is gonna eat at you and feel a constant struggle, then maybe you should ask yourself is it worth it. Besides, are you sure that he is divorced?? I know of guys coming here to work to support their families elsewhere and still hook up with these females in the US, but just to still send their money over to their wives and kids....just thought I'd bring it up. I personally wouldn't deal with this type of behavior, for that matter he should've stayed with her, instead of holding me down, especially if I were struggling with 2 jobs. You appear to be a strong women, keep doing what you gotta do for you and the kid, but don't let no one bring you down or hold you down...good luck and God bless!

Answer 4

She needs to go to work. You need to quit one job. And he needs to put his foot down with her and tell her he is only sending money for the child. Which is around 300.00 a month no more. She can buy the shoes over there it is cheaper. He should not expect you to live like this it is wrong. If he doesn't want to change it. Then you might want to think about finding a new man who will be more supportive of you and your son.

Answer 5

its really hard on you, and i think you are very supportive towards him...
he have to balance , and draw a line to it.. what matter most to him. Of course i understand that he wants to be a good father towards the other kid, but definitely not like this...
first, talk to him. and tell him he need to think how much is enough to feed the other kid over there. identify the amount, then talk to his ex-wife. tell the ex wife that, if this continue, he will one day be unable to cope and will fall in pieces. Which i think is no good to anyone..
tell the ex-wife, that providing a good life is important, but so do her getting a proper life is.. she should go find work or something, and having a goal in her life, would be better as she would be less clingy to ex husband.

as for you holding 2 jobs, i think you are a great mom. but no matter what, try to make time for your kid. be there when he needs..

the problem will be there, unless you 2 work together and face it.. it is hard to reject someone, but continuing at this rate, i dont suppose it bring you 2 any satisfaction. please think for yourself and help the ex wife to improve her life.. so that everyone is responsible for their part of liefe, and lead life meaningful

hope i help

Answer 6

Tell him to put his current family first, politely but firmly. He may feel responsible for child support, but the money he spends on his kid is yours, and that isn't fair. You didn't marry his ex wife when you came into the family, and he should always be putting you first. Come up with a more reasonable amount to send to her; she is responsible for her kid too.

Answer 7

He's made a commitment to his four year old and that can never change....same as he's responsible for the child he has with you.

Don't make this about the ex, even though she sounds like a pain in the butt....remember, this is all for his oldest son and he has to keep providing for the boy....clearly his mother isn't.

Answer 8

Sorry to say, but you got with him and made a baby with him knowing all this. It isn't fair that the ex doesn't work to help support her child, but if that is the arrangement they made and he obviously sounds like he is okay with it, then there isn't much you can do to change it. I'm sure you saw all these signs prior to getting into a relationship with him. If you didn't like it, you should have left. Like Maya Angelou says,"When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Answer 9

I would be pissed. This guy is married to two women. One that lives like a Queen in the Phillipines and the other one slaving for her in the US. Your man is WEAK. He needs to stop this. Is he trying to impress her family?

Answer 10

The child from the first marriage ALWAYS comes first. You CHOSE to marry a man with a child from another marriage and to bring another child into your family, that isn't the fault of his ex wife or his first child that is YOUR fault. The choices YOU have made have put you where you are don't blame his first wife because YOU have to work. That is the fate you chose for yourself when you chose to marry this man. Quit whinning and deal with it.

Answer 11

I feel some what depressed.But try to avoid paying of money.Because he can hear you only when you go polite to him saying smothly making him to understand the happenings and the problems ur facing.This will make to control ur family matters.