he says it is my fault...?

Question

everything... from the bills. to our kid having recurring tonsilitis....to not having sex... {i want to ,, he does not}}.... the arguements..
he says it is that he is stressed about the money and bills.. then turns around and blames it all on me...
i have tried talking to him about everything, from money to sex. and kids, and everything else... we are getting nowhere fast....
our relationship started so great.. what is happening??? i try every day with him.. it seems the more i try the more he pulls back... what the heck??? i threatened to leave yesterday if things dont change... then it turned into a really nasty argument... i dont know what to do..... there are 2 people here, i know marriage is an effort every single day.. but where is his effort? what can i do??

Answer 1

You are using all of your energy in such a negative way. Is there anything you can agree on? Maybe if you can find one thing in which you have common ground you can start from there. Arguing is accomplishing nothing, so why continue doing that? When you feel an argument coming on, just pull back. Don't engage in it with him. Just say "yep, that's my fault. You win." That will deflate the arguement, and really, he won't really feel accomplished by you defeating. Use your words carefully. Be smart and wise about what you say, otherwise, say nothing at all. Your kids don't deserve all this nasty fighting going on. Set an example for them to rise above, learn some smart argueing techniques. You are teaching them how to deal with frustration. Is this the way to do it?

Answer 2

I would take a break. If you could spend the weekend at family or friends. While your there try and have a little fun and me time don't spend the weekend thinking and talking about him. Marriage is work and it take 2 to work at it.
If he is not interested maybe a few days with out you will wake him up. I would tell him your tired of the arguments and will be back in a few days he can then decide if he wants to stay married and work on it or go it alone.

What ever his answer is at least you will not be living in drama on a daily basics

Answer 3

I think what you should do is be quiet and leave him alone. When a man is stressed, he wants less stimulation, not more. Your continually trying to talk to him about "everything" "every day" is turning into an added source of stress. So, Ssshhhhhh.

Next time he blames it all on you, calmly listen and ask follow up questions. Ask him to be specific and give examples. Nod your head and make statements that show you understand what he is telling you. Ask him how he would like you to do things differently in the future, and pin him down to specifics. Then, follow through.

This marriage sounds like a pressure cooker. Instead of turning up the heat, maybe it's time to turn it down.

Answer 4

You are having some trouble in your marriage you have tried talking to him and it is not working out. See along with children comes responsibility and stress can some times make people change but communication is the key to all.

you bothe have equal share in this marriage so he can not blame all what is going on you. Dont you let him stop beating your self up. Best of luck

Answer 5

Been there done that!!! I know this mite sound silly but relationship counseling has helped me & my husband bigtime. There are times when I would say how I felt until I was blue in the face but one time the councilor said the very same thing I have been saying for months... and he actually listened! It mite take a bit of persuading but it was just what we needed to be able to communicate without yelling or blaming. It felt good to hear that everything was not my fault and it sounds like you need to hear that too =) Good luck!

Answer 6

sounds like he is a real jackas*.He needs to grow up money doesnt make anyone happy everyone has bills and debt.We have a new home and a huge mortgage but we promised each other money would never make us bitter towards each other.That is such a excuse to let your marriage suffer.I would leave him if he continues to act this way life is too short to spend you time worried about finances and household issues.Its hard to have kids but it was his choice to have them too not just yours and that needs to be brought to his attention.He sounds like a big baby.He needs to grow up and be the man of the house and not act so childish.I don't have much patience for people like that because it shows weakness life is hard and he needs to get over it.We all have these problems and its up to you to be strong for your kids and yourself to hell with him if he can't hack it.Do what makes you happy and start ignoring him if you don't want to leave laugh and have fun with your kids and go out with the girl's once in a while and see how he likes that you could care less about his little childish self and maybe he will change his ways.If you don't want to do that then just tell him you are tired of living this way and you want out.third option you talk some since into him.But regaurdless of what you do don't live like this because your kids don't deserve an unhappy mom and you deserve to be happy everyone does.

Answer 7

if it feels like you are having to give more than 50% in your relationship then it is time to quit if you have tried every otrher option. I would say try going to marriage counseling but if you feel it is already over then leave and get a divorce. I was in the same type of relationship with my soon to be EX and it was going no where. The best thing I did was Leave with my son

Answer 8

Oh lord it sounds like your married to my ex! Except for the great begining part, everything you just said (plus some physical abuse) is what my first marriage was like.

Try to get both of you onto counceling and if that doesn't work GET OUT! It will only get worse, trust me.

Answer 9

If you go out everywhere for an answer to your problem then believe me you will reach nowhere. The answer to deal relationships lies within. Introspection is the word for you. Try!!

Answer 10

You two need to get a communication channel open, and try to understand eachother and your mistakes. Arguing leads nowhere but to destruction. You could be at as much fault as he seemes to be.