My fiance and I have been together 3 1/2 years, engaged 1 1/2. We've lived together for almost 2 years now as well. Last August I moved with him 2 hours away from my hometown so he could finish school at the University. I left my family, friends and work. This past Saturday he tells me he's no longer "In-Love" with me...but still loves, cares and has deep feelings for me. He says we just don't have the spark anymore and he doesn't want to feel like this after we get married. He wants to work on things to see if there really is something there or not. We're each other's best friends still...
I've decided to move back down home to give him his time and space. We still plan on seeing each other when he comes home and I plan on coming up to see him. We've decided together not to see other people. He still tells me he loves me...but he just doesn't know what he wants. I've asked him if he has cold feet and he says no....what do I do?? Our wedding was set for October 13-this year
2007-08-16 02:18:25 · 7 answers · asked by dani_m_w 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have never been on a break before...and his family thinks we should seek counseling. I've suggested this to him, but he wants to know if he wants to be with me first before going into counseling and wasting both our time-I respect that. But I know in my gut we're suppose to be together, I love him deeply and am willing to give him a chance to figure things out-but...I think I'm at the point where I just need to know if it's worth waiting on...you know?
2007-08-16 02:20:27 · update #1
I think you did good in moving back to your home town. It seems to me he is being very clear that he no longer loves you. He may care for you as a person and friend. But it's obvious he feels no love. Since you feel your feelings for him haven't changed. I would give him some time. The same time it would have been until the wedding. Give him until October. If after then he still is saying the same things. It's best not to plan on marrying him. And perhaps decide if you still want to be with a man who can't give you what you want and need. Because if he no longer loves you. You will only end up unhappy. It takes two. And if only one of the two cares it don't work. This I know from personal experience. No matter how much you love someone if they don't feel the same. It will not work out at the end.
2007-08-16 03:15:55 · answer #1 · answered by Red Rose 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this guy is dull and shallow. That 'in-love' spark comes and goes. It's infatuation not love! This isn't cold feet. This guy just has some up in the clouds look on love. He doesn't know what it means to be in a long term relationship.
I'd really think twice about marrying someone like that! If he decide he wants to be with you, it'll probably only be because of the distance reignighting the 'spark' or the infatuation. Distance does make the heart grow fonder, but once you're married and 'stuck' with each other, he'll grow tired, lose the 'spark' and if he doesn't cheat, wow, there's a lot of character, but he won't be happy.
At least, put the wedding off. Date, move back in together, let the spark wear off and see what happens. If he still loves you despite his fleeting infatuations with you, then marry him, if not, find someone worthy.
2007-08-16 02:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by skunk pie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably you were together for a long time. I would let him be on his own for a while.
If you let him you also will have some time and space to think on the situation. So try to take the advantage of this time and think deep.
If I were you I would not care about the wedding date. If you waited for 3,5 years you can wait for more.
I had the same experience I let him and myself to think for a while. Now I am married with him for 2 years.
So I wanted you to know that it does not have to end sadly. You never know. Just try to be patient. You will have your answers eventually.
Good luck.
2007-08-16 03:03:35 · answer #3 · answered by Ardelia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You KNOW it's more than cold feet, come on. Usually a couple dates a few years, know if they want to marry or not, get engaged for a year - and get married. The date is usually set shortly after the engagement.
Sounds like it is more than he just isn't in love with you, he doesn't want to get married. You really shouldn't have moved to be with him before marriage, and you shouldn't have been shacking up - usually that's the sign. So sorry.
And I wouldn't stay "best friends" - he'll want you to be a friend with benefits, and don't do that to yourself. Move on, hard as it will be.
2007-08-16 03:02:24 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well in this situation he is looking out for him and you need to look out for you. What happened in your relationship before he told you that he is not in love with you anymore? Something must have made him feel this way? If you think that you guys are best friends then why did he not communicate with you he is beginining to fall out of love with you? Take a step back from the situation and really get into deep thought about this. Like I said if you don't look out for the best for you no one else is going to
2007-08-16 02:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by spagirl23188 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you both don't understand "love" yet.
"In love" is only seeing the good in a person and dreaming of a perfect future together.
"Loving" is accepting the complete person (good&bad).
The more honest you are the more they know you and in turn the more they are able ot accept/love you.
Great love requires great risk. What greater risk is there than exposing you true self to someone who could either reject you or love you.
2007-08-16 07:06:11 · answer #6 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is just selfish, thinking only of himself, what about your feeling, why is it his call to say whether he wants in or out of this relationship!
2007-08-16 02:28:52 · answer #7 · answered by bec 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋