I have been friends with someone for about 5 years now and we have gone through alot together and now it seems as if she has changed and not for the better.
Recently she filed for divorce and I understand that because of something this big some changes will happen but her whole lifestyle has changed. She use to never go out and party (for one reason she has kids) and she use to call me atlest 2 or 3 times a week and I would do the same or I would atleast get a text message once a day. Now I havent got a call from her in about a week or so, and now all she does is go out and party (or thats the way it seems) and when I do call and she does answer we only talk for about 3 minutes or so. I am worried that something is wrong with our friendship. Can anyone give me a fresh perspective on this???
Should i continue to be there for her or should I cut the friendship off or just be there but leave her alone and wait to pick up the pieces?
2007-08-16 02:14:03 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
It sounds like she really needs a friend now, depending on the circumstances of the divorce going out may be her way of releasing her hurt feelings. Going out gets old really fast, I would say ride it out with her.
Best
2007-08-16 02:18:52 · answer #1 · answered by Bad Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes when people go through a divorce, they retreat into their own world, tend to go out and "party" more (probably to try and ease their pain), and a lot of people separate from their friends for a while - or forever.
divorce changes us. we are filled with emotions and our lives seem like one big ISSUE after the next.
i remember when i was getting a divorce, i avoided everyone i used to associate with -- i dont' know why, but i guess because i was going through so much, i didn't want to talk about it or deal with it? i'm not sure if it was the healthiest thing to do, but that is what happened.
a friend of mine also did the same -- severed ties with her friends while going through her divorce. we have never been "good friends" since...
you could call your friend and ask how she is doing, let her know you're thinking of her.
YOU can not pick up the pieces of someone else's life... worry about your own... as a friend being supportive is fine... but each of us have to solve our own problems and deal with them the best way we know how. there is a difference between "fixing" and "support"...
take care of YOU.
2007-08-16 09:22:02 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it seems like her divorce was the trigger of the change of ur relationship with her. partying is a way to meet single men so maybe she is partying a lot because she is afraide of being alone. and the progressive callings every week are probally lacking because as her divorce is happening her lifestyle is changing. from what i hear, this sounds like just a fase. i say stick with it for a while because this is when she needs you the most (maybe she doesn't act that way) but in reality what she is doing is a cry of help. good luck.
2007-08-16 09:19:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
For you to want to continue to want to be friends with her, you expect her to maintain a 2-3 times a week telephone contact with you - fair enough, then in that case I don't think she now satisfies your "criteria" for a friend.
Cut her off if you wish.
But personally I don't view this as a true friendship because I feel that a true friend will stick by you through thick and thin, through tricky times like now, and through the good times. Friendships often go through "bad patches" - i.e. maybe something like what you're going through with your friend right now.
But if you're a good friend, you should be sticking through with this and forgiving her for going through this partying phase and "forgetting" to call you 2-3 times a week, if you wish.
When and if she does go into a phase of her life when situations are such that she starts calling you up more often and retaining more contact with you again, then you have the chance to pick up from where you left off and your friendship would be good as new, if not maybe better, because good friendships are ones where both parties have grown and matured and changed but are still on very good terms with each other and understand each other much better because of all the past.
I guess I'm speaking from the POV of your friend because I've had one or two friends in the past who like you, expected me to chat to them frequently constantly, if not then they wanted to get out of the friendship. I didn't miss them much after I realised what they've done. The friends I treasure up to this day are friends I've known for 15 odd years or more, who have quite on-off relations with me because we don't often feel the need to call each other constantly, yet when we do get together, we can gel instantly and have a great time, and I know that he/she will understand me for the things I've chosen to do and vice versa. Perhaps there's something more to just keeping contact in a friendship. You need to really gel with the person, and understand that he/she can go through phases in life, your friendship can have on-off qualities or go through "bad patches", but its always possible for the friendship to get better and pick up from where it left and for you both to be better friends for it.
2007-08-16 09:28:06 · answer #4 · answered by rachiepachie 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the one thing i know is that you shouldn't cut your friendship with her. she's in a very hard position right now and might be running away from her problem. so i suggest that you should continue to be there for her. maybe call some more. make her realize that she has a friend to talk to and lean on.
2007-08-16 09:25:11 · answer #5 · answered by lene 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your friend is going thru alot and her partying is just her way of coping with things. as her friend, you should be there for her especially at a time like this. she needs someone to get her thru this and someone who will help her get back on the right track. reach out to her even if she doesn't give you much attention. if you have time, visit her. there is nothing like being there personally. you don't necessarily have to do anything special. your presence would be enough
2007-08-16 09:35:57 · answer #6 · answered by mayo 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just be cool like u noticed nothing. But be there when need be and get along with ur life normarly. She will get to realise herself and will run back to u. Just let her have a taste of another friend and/or life if possible, so she may be able to apppreciate u when she sees the difference.
2007-08-16 09:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by Schezor 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
u know
i am 19 and seriously going through depression and stress
maybe partying is something where she is taking out her sorrows out
i have cut out from all my friends except that i stay at home
all i can say is dont worry
let her be by herself and give her time
maybe she is too embrassed or too much in stress to have a jolly chat with u..time is something she needs..support her..be with her..
i hope u understand as u are her friend
god bless u bothâ¥
2007-08-16 09:21:12 · answer #8 · answered by ♥panicqueen♥ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Women going through or recently divorced lose self esteem.Therefore, they reason why shouldn't I have sex, I'm not valued. They go through a slutty spell but afterward they they get their act together. Your friend will be okay, she just needs time.
2007-08-16 09:23:42 · answer #9 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i have had a similar experiance my life time friend moved and now we never talk and the best good bye he had was im moving so we wont see each other again so i say f*ck her no need to dwell on sh*t like that get on with your life thats my opinion
2007-08-16 09:19:39 · answer #10 · answered by HATE!-love... 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋