I have never moved house before, but am moving to a house that I hate?

Question

I have spoken to my parents on the matter already, but my mother thinks it is the best house for our family. It is about 10 miles away from my school which I moved to two semesters ago. (I really don't want to move schools again). This means getting to school would involve a walk to a station, then a train to a main station, a 20minute train journey then a 30min walk to school.
I currently live within 20mins walk of my school. I really don't want to move - the house is ugly, the garden is small & my parents don't think they can afford to decorate it nicely & change the (really old-fashioned) kitchen.

The reason for the move is my father having a stroke last September, and he cannot work due to this. He can talk, drive, walk & write so is making good progress but is a pessimist.

My mum is trying to encourage him to move - he has lived within 10 minutes drive of my elderly grandmother since he was a baby.

HELP!

How is this selfish? I have given up most of the things I've taken for granted in the past!
My older brother is going to be at school 5 miles away but he boards - his school costs about 20000 pounds a year.
I was going to go to a similar school but my parents couldn't afford that so I moved to a decent school which was still private but not as expensive. After the stroke I left all my friends and moved to a state school.

My brother hasn't had to make any sacrifices whatsoever, so why must I?

I'm sorry if you think I'm selfish, but we aren't poor, they just think that a 300 or 400K house is beneath them, therefore won't stay in the area and want to move to a more affluent yet dull area.

I was told it was 10miles but have just checked on Multimap and it's about 23 miles.

I'm sorry if I sound like a selfish brat, but I thought 725k would be enough to buy a fairly nice house, even if it's small. I just want to stay near my grandma because my mum reckons the shock might kill her... and I'm not fishing for sympathy, I'm just asking for help.

Answer 1

First off, I can empathize, being in much the same situation. It's not fun having to give up quite a bit, especially while you feel that your brother is giving up so little.

Reality is that unless you can move out on your own, or with your grandmother, or into a friend's family, you're stuck. Focus on the good things about this new house (trust me, I find it hard most of the time to find good things about the one we're moving to) and your new situation.

You need to silently find out how much it takes to actually live on your own and what you need to get that money steadily coming in. Support your mother, which is why I said silently; she is so stressed that she may decide you are doing so for spite, and that will help none of you.

Should your Dad take a turn for the worse, you will likely have to help out with money and other things, and now is a good time to prepare for that, plus it will help you in general when you do move out.

Finally, unless something drastic happens, you have many more years left in your life than your Dad has. There is not much that can really stop you, during the many years to come, from buying the house you are leaving and living in it again, or renting it out, or other options. In that light, you can see this move as temporary. That is likely not an option for your parents - on top of everything else they are saying goodbye to a house and the hopes and dreams they've had tied to it. They will likely never be able to live there again, while you still have that option.

You need to find an adult someone outside the family that you can talk to face to face, preferably someone who is also a friend of your family's and can guide you. In stressful times things and emotions aren't always what they seem. This person should help you focus on what you can do to make this easier on you and your family.

Good luck!



I know school here started today, so it may be too late for you to change your schedule. However, the best classes you can take are financial and fix-it/building ones. Have someone teach you to drive before (but not instead of) taking drivers education. You may need those skills in an emergency, even if you don't you will use them the rest of your life. Ignore anyone who makes fun of or looks down on you for taking these - it's a lot easier to fix something yourself than to have to wait for and spend money on a professional - a plumber, for example. I wish now that I had taken advantage of a couple of them during the summer when I was in High School and below.

Answer 2

i don't think there is much you can do! unless youhave money to pay the bills this isn't your call!
but what you can do is make the best of it!
maybe save up some money to decorate or make crafts for the house!
if you can't afford to live where your living you have no other choice but to move.
but it does suck to move somewhere you don't want to move but your only 10 miles away if you walk at a 2 mph speed (slow walker) it would take you 5 hours to walk so be greatefull you ahve a train to ride!

But you can help your parents throught this by not worring so much where you live just whome you live with!

Answer 3

This isn't going to get a "best answer", but your post really got under my skin.

Your DAD is a pessimist? You're not exactly sounding too positive either. To get right down to it, you sound like a self-centered, spoiled brat whose only concern in life is how things affect YOU. You don't think your mother isn't under a great deal of stress? So, rather than be supportive, you CHOSE to add to her burden with your whining and complaining to her, and anyone within earshot, and THEN you post your "sad" story here, hoping to get support and sympathy. I feel for your parents NOT YOU!! Deep down, I'm sure your mother is extremely disappointed and shocked by your behavior, but is trying to make the best of things. I'm not even your mother, and I'm shocked that you would even post and admit to all of this. I would be ashamed if THOUGHTS like this passed through my mind because a stroke could have KILLED my father, and having a properly decorated house seems very small in comparison...yet you feel it's your God-given right that your parents provide you with some sort of lifestyle that because of a health issue, they are no longer able to do. If you don't like the way things are, then get a part-time job and CONTRIBUTE to the household.

Your dad had a stroke. Trust me, he didn't do this to force you to live in an ugly house with a small garden, and to cause you further distress by not being able to decorate it to your obviously high (aka SNOBBISH) standards. Oh my...if only life's problems could be boiled down to a sofa...boo hoo hoo

Grow up.

Answer 4

Please look at it from your parents view, Obviously they cannot afford to live in the place that you are in now . I'm sure your mum would love a bright new kitchen and not the old fashioned one but she is doing what she has to do to support your father and keep things together for the family. I 'm sure that your father would appreciate your support in his recovery. Ten miles is not so bad perhaps you could acquire a bike so you could direct yourself to school instead of taking the train. Unfortunately things happen in life and change is inevitable in most situations you just have to learn to go with it and hopefully your families situation will turn around soon.
Good Luck

Answer 5

If these changes are happening because of the stroke your father had I think you need to be a little more supportive of your parents. I'm sure your parents aren't 100% happy with the situation either, they just may not be shown it and trying to make the best of a tough situation. But I'm sure they are already extremely stressed and probably don't need their daughter adding to it.
Life has times when sacifices need to be make and it sounds like this is one of these times. Time to step up to the plate and support your parents who have probably supported you your whole life.
Best of luck and I'm sure it will work out in the end.

Answer 6

This is your parent's decision, not yours. When you're older, you can move to where ever you want. Now, you just have to smile and make nice - make the best of it and try to be more helpful instead of complaining. Your father had a stroke - think about how your mum must feel.

This move will bring you new experiences and introduce you to new people. Try to be positive.

Answer 7

Life is about so much more than having a nice house. Feel lucky that your family has a house. You could be living in a cardboard box one day dreaming of having a nice warm place to sleep. It's not easy being a grown up either ya know.

Answer 8

Why would it take a "walk to a station, then a train to a main station, a 20minute train journey then a 30min walk" to go ten miles to school? 10 miles hardly takes all that!

As long as you live at home, you'll have to do whatever your parents do. You don't have to be rich to decorate cute. Use ecletic stuff! Be creative!

Answer 9

They are moving because they can not afford where they are living. Don't add stress to your mother. She has enough on her plate with your Dad. Do what ever it is to help out. All schools are the same. Go with the flow. Don't complain. Help out however you can. You will be gone in a few years and you can move anywhere you want too. Right now, help your Mom out.

Answer 10

Move out on your own and provide for yourself. I don't think you'll complain when it's all up to you. Life throws us curve balls. It's how you choose to deal with this that will either make you a stronger, better person or just a whiner/victim.