Rate these lyrics I wrote?

Question

I just wrote them... So they're in the editing process.
What do you think? Have any advice for me??? Thank you!

Its too far gone
One leap of faith
Is too many
For this feeble heart to stand.

I said I know.
I said I kno-o-ow.
About the Lies
About the girl
About my smile you pretend to understand.
Oh you know,
You know.

My guitar looks small while you play it
And sing
Of better memories, of days when
Life and love were the same thing…
(The same thing)
He told me
“I think that those who look cold and shy
Are really the most alive”

I said, I know.
I said, I kno-o-w.
About your lies
About the cuts
About my smile you pretend to love.
Well, You’re all alone,
You’re all alone, now.
(All alone now)

“Don’t pretend you didn’t really care, I know
You do.
You never said you didn’t…
But I never said I did…
“Can you speak?”
I screamed and sighed
Cause you never told me about your other life.

I said, I know.
I said, I know.
About your lies
And your cuts,
That my smile you just pretend to love.
Well, You’re all alone.
You’re all alone now.
(All alone now…)

I said….
Its too far gone
One leap of faith
Is too many
FOR THIS FEEBLE HEAR TO STAND.

I said, I know.
I said, I know, oh, oh.
Move on out right now.
Move on your right now….
Because I know.
You don’t have to lie any more.
I know.

Oh I know.
I------- knnoowww. (ends on harmony.)

I'm only 14... Not much life experience... lol....wrote it about a book i read.

Answer 1

OOO i really like that!! love the part about your "feeble heart"
dont stop trying!.. ul be famous 1 day ;) x

Answer 2

6 or 7. each and every thing you used meshed properly at the same time. there grow to be one line even with the incontrovertible fact that that i think of you may look at..." wanna be the single to awaken to you". and fairly some your lyrics don' pass away something to the mind's eye. there's no longer sufficient room for persons to evaluate their very own lives to it, and that's what human beings desire to do with track. i think of it relatively is an extremely good thought for a track. next time attempt to apply extra metaphors or different gadgets to make it certainly incredible. good luck.

Answer 3

wheres the rhythem,passion,meaning.

its a bad pop song at this moment.a bad one,why are you writing it like were all blithering idiots

you dont have to make everything so obvious in a song..then whats left to figure out?

in lyrics you dont write how its suppose to sound while singing..thats only what record lables do when printing them in the inside booklets for cd's

a song like this has been written so many times before..so many.


half way through the song what you were singin abut changed,but you couldnt even do that properly

its like bad bad emo poetry mixed with britany spears

listen to the smiths(morrissey) or dresden dolls (amanda palmer)they can write!












what does everyone think of these lyrics??
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The record goes from blue to gold
So thank you for all your help
I know you want to jump around
But try to contain yourself
You always struck me as the type to take it lightly
But now you're gonna have to shut your mouth and fight me

Backstabber

You're all alone you're all over
The popular magazines will never care what do you care
You're down with the Japanese
But you've got no right to sit there saying I abuse it
When you only sleep with girls who say they like your music

Backstabber....

Backstabber! hope grabber!
Greedy little fit haver!
God I feel for you fool
**** lover! off-brusher!
Jaded bitter joy crusher!
Failure has made you so cruel

Rotten to the core
Rotten to the core

Rotten like a crackwhore
Begging out the backdoor
Show us what you're good for
Post it on the noise board
Come on join the bloodsport
Show us some support
Still working at the drugstore
Is it because you're
A *******

Backstabber! hope grabber!
Greedy little fit haver!
God I feel for you fool
**** lover! off-brusher!
Jaded bitter joy crusher!
Failure has made you so cruel

So don't tell me what to write
And don't tell me that I'm wrong
And don't tell me not to reference my songs within my songs
You backstabber! hope grabber! greedy ******* fit haver!

Answer 4

Change the line bout guitar looks small when you play it and the "those who look cold and shy blah blah"...other than that looks good...good luck

Answer 5

Pretty good, but not as good as "Jimmie Eat Squirrel"...

Answer 6

Don't quit your day job!