Do you find it distrubing?

Question

Do you find it disturbing when you cannot immediately assign a gender to a person that you are interacting with?

How, if you are dealing with this person on a professional basis (in English), do you get around the lack of a non-gender specific address? Do you put it off and be discourteous, hoping they clue you in, or do you (be discourteous) and ask?

(Judges, Police Officers, and some public officials have gender neutral ways to address them, but normal folks do not)

I specify IN ENGLISH because some languages DO have a gender neutral address.

Answer 1

'They' is useful.

"I was speaking to someone the other day and 'they' said the world was flat".

If I'm speaking directly to the person, I would use 'you' obviously.

For formal letters just use something generic, 'To whom it may concern'.

If you're forced to assign gender to announce the person or something just ask them, 'how would you like to be announced?'.
You'd usually know their name if this was the case though.

Edit:
Object of it's Ire, it can be difficult to ascertain gender when dealing with/speaking to transgendered people and transvestites. And if you're expected to say something nice about someone's baby it's nigh on impossible to determine gender unless the mother has dressed the baby in a sailor suit or a Shirley Temple frothy dress.
New mother's can be very easily offended too. People always called my daughter 'he' when she was a baby because she looked like Winston Churchill but I never took offence.

Answer 2

I have a very deep voice, and sometimes people mistake me for a man over the phone. I politely correct them when they do.

I have met people who are similar to “Pat” from Saturday Night Live, where I cannot tell if they are a man or a woman. However, I speak to them in a gender neutral manner, so they cannot tell that I have no clue as to their gender.

If I have to refer to them in the third person, I will just use their name, “Have you seen Pat today?”, instead of “Miss Pat” or “Mr. Pat”.

Answer 3

YES! I find it very disturbing. I had a boss that to this day i never found out the gender. Usly i just use there name and try and use non gender specific terms. To make matters worse I worked near the gay district and we had a lot of drag queens near by, so i NEVER knew. I never asked, but i would at times see which door thy went into to try and guess from there.

Answer 4

Hasn't happened to me but once and I kinda avoided asking directly. Didn't matter at the time which gender the person was. I would probably try to ask indirect questions and see if I could figure it out on my own without taking the chance of hurting that person's feelings.

Answer 5

EW

the Pat situation! freaks me out!

i was just at a triathalon and many pats came across the finish line

in some cases, life must be especially tough and VERY painful for those Pat people - given the type of culture we live in

Answer 6

great question. I work in the medical field and people always think i am a 'he'. It used to annoy me until i made the same mistake with one of my colleagues. You have 2 options: ask the person directly (which can be awkward) or address them as he/she then they get the picture and say i am a he or she

Answer 7

English has a neutral gender word... It is called "son." Sometimes I call them that and 60% percent of the time it works every time.

Answer 8

Most people do find androgynous types, such as feminist or homosexual men and women, disturbing.

Gender-bending avatars inspire less trust

The study reveals that androgynous digital personas (avatars) are perceived as less trustworthy than ones that are clearly either male or female.

Answer 9

Nope, its just Pat

Answer 10

I get that with Object of It's Ire. Yes it is disturbing.