My mother in law is going to make me miss the birth of my first child!!?

Question

My mother in law is a complete bully to the extent she has bullied (from pressure to almost threats) my wife to agree to have her as her support in the delivery room. The hospital only allows one person in and its the womens choice. Mt wife just says it will be easier this way in the long run. If i miss it i will hate her mother forever so i don't believe in will be easier.
What do people think i should do?

Answer 1

Talk to your wife about it first. She believes that things will be easier in the long run? That this will be the one and only time her mother will disrespect your boundaries and behave inappropriately? Oh come on. This is the easy way out and it will not benefit either of you in the future. Allowing her to use intimidation tactics to get what she wants (especially in this matter) will only teach her that she can continue to do so. There is no reason for her to stop.

This is the perfect opportunity for the two of you to make a decision TOGETHER and stand by it. There is no reason for you to miss the birth of your child. You have every right to be present and this is a decision that you two as a married couple should make. You have to be strong in conveying this to your wife. She has to come to the realization that she's no longer a little girl who needs her mother's approval. If she continues this thought pattern, she will ultimately choose to sacrifice your marriage to please her mother. So what if her mom doesn't approve? She can threaten all she wants but when that grandchild comes along -- she'll want to butt in again (in which case you two will have other issues). They're empty threats.

Answer 2

ok...your mother had her turn in the delivery room when she gave birth herself...was her husband there for her??? hmmm...!!! Easier? you are the one she lives with, and is married to, not her mother! I would give her an ultimatum...if she lets the mother in law be in there, I would tell her, "let your mother raise the child, then!" And mean it...I know this sounds mean, and harsh, but, if you don't remind your wife that you are the father of this baby, it will be war for the rest of your married life! You will have resentment...who cares if the mother in law gets pissed off...and that's that...your wife can go back on her word w/ her mother in law...she does not have to keep that promise! Next, you will have the mother in law trying to tell you how to raise the child! ugh! lol...I would tie up the mother in law in her house, lol...I am not kidding...when the day comes, lol...=). Or, find some way to get the mother in law busy so she misses the event...flat tire maybe? hehe...sounds like mother in law don't like to be told no, well, your wife seems afraid of her, what, did she threaten to not be there ever for the child, if she can't see the birth? fine then, don't let her be there, who wants a grandma like that??? let your wife read all of these answers, please =) the more I think about it the more this is pissing me off lol this mother in law needs to be put in her place, back into the mother in law shoes, not your shoes!

Answer 3

You need to talk to your wife. This is your child. This is the best opportunity in the world. You should not lose the chance to see your first child's birth. Consider going to another hospital that will allow more than one person in the room. Usually, hospitals will allow more people than one at a birth. Maybe that could solve the problem for everyone. Or, you could video tape the birth and show the grandma.

Answer 4

What does your wife want? It is her that will be going through all that pain.... She may want her mum.

But if she doesn't, then tell your MIL that you created this baby, you will be supporting this baby, loving this baby, getting up in the middle of the night, dealing with crying, teething, first day of school etc..... So it should be your right to be there.

She has had and raised her children. It is now the turn of you and your wife to do the same.

It's up to you to decide. Do you want a quiet life with your MIL and let her be there, or do you want to see the birth of your child no matter what the cost afterwards.

I'm sorry to say, there is no easier way to do it. You have to choose. But whatever your choice, make sure your wife is happy with it first. You don't want to cause her any unneccessary stress that may be harmful to your baby....

Good Luck!

Answer 5

I think it should be you in there after all you are the father and will support that child if your mother in law want to pay child support then by all means let her be in the delivery room tell your wife its your child and that the two of you created it toghether.. so quite being bullied and fight for your right to be with your child

Answer 6

You need to sit your wife down for a serious conversation. You and her are having this child. So if you were there to make it, you have to be there to welcome this child into the world. How selfish and inconsiderate is she being? I don't get it. There are many women out there whom wanted their husbands/boyfriends to be there for the birth of their children and weren't there. How in God's name does she think it would be better in the long run? for whom,her? And after discussing this with her she needs to discuss it with her mother. I say you make sure you are there for appointments and all. And when the time comes you make sure you are at that hospital. I hope that she will come to her senses very quickly. So that you can witness the birth of your child. Good luck!

Answer 7

Put your foot down with the old bat. As the father, you have a much more important role in the baby's life than dear old grandma. Tell her she is not allowed in the birth room and that under no circumstances is she to say anything to your wife as it will stress her and in turn stress the baby.

If your wife is not being induced, then just "forget" to call Grandma until after the birth.

Answer 8

Maybe your wife thinks you may be uncomfortable being with her while she's delivering. Try sitting down with her when there's no distractions (phone, tv, etc) and tell her how you feel. Tell her you really want to be there when your child is born and see him/her for the first time together and savor those first moments of life and as a family. I understand it's her choice but I think as her husband and father of your child you should be in there with her. Good luck and let us know what happens.

Answer 9

i would tell my wife that if she wants to spend the rest of her life with me then she better tell her mom to stay in the waiting room. if she chooses her mother over me then she should plan on living with her because you are the one who made this child,its your day as much as your wifes and you are not going to let that woman be there before you.what is she thinking she is doing?this is your baby not your in laws and that is bull sh*t.if shes in for that can you imagion what she will try to do afterwards? she will try to be in on the raising too. put your foot down now or you two will have no hope of having a future without her making all the choices for you because your wife thinks she is right......

Answer 10

Bully (not threaten) your mother in law back. You are dad and you have the right to be there not her. Tell your wife that it will not be easier in the long run as you hold it against your MIL for the longest time.

Stand your ground on this one!