When do i know its really time to leave? And how do i go about it?

Question

So how do you know when its really over?
how do you know that the love is really gone, or if your just going through a rough spot?
When do you put your foot down and say i have had enough im leaving?
how do you leave when you still have so many ties: ie: lease on a house, dog and a car loan in my name that is really his car?

Im just tired of all the arguements over the same things, and the un willingness to comprimise or change.
one day my heart says stay and one day it says go... im so confused, i just dont know what to do.

I think the problems we are having is because we moved in together too soon.. and now we are finding that we dont really have much in common...
but now that i have been with him for 4 years its hard to just say goodbye he tells me he will change... then does for about 1 week then its the same thing all over again.

And i have no friends or family here but i cant move to another town because i have a great job please please help i feel so helples

we are not religious and lived together for 3 years before we got married. no one has cheated but the arguments are so volatile and unproductive.

Answer 1

Try as hard as you can to work through it! Go to counseling, and most importantly, address any problems you think the relationship has. If you don't talk through your problems, they'll just hang in the air and get worse.

But if it is over, if you feel that it would be detrimental to your happiness in the long run to stay together, break it off. It'll be messy, sure, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. Hiring a lawyer will help with the financial aspect.

Answer 2

If you are already confronted with such a nagging question & arrived at actually posting it, it means you have more than what you can take & wanting to get out is evident. Ties are no reasons to stay put when bickering becomes a part of everyday life. On dragging the days with the same result will end both of you hating each other. What about giving your selves a break?? Who knows by temporarily separating will allow you to see each other in a different light? To miss and to yearn for the lost company…that will bring you back in each others arms renewed and more loving.

Mine is dragged for almost 5 years and like you, I remained hopeful and stretched a far to see the changes which didn’t happen until I decided to leave for another place (physically away) ..this distance gave me a chance to reflect on my past life & what do I really want ….so…10 mos after of being away, I have decided that I deserve someone more than what I have been treated. Suffice to say that I called it quits which he hasn’t agreed upon until today. He continually communicates & says how much he loves me but I never reciprocated. I think I hate now that he tries to make up when am gone rather than being nice & loving when we were together then.

Just giving you a personal encounter with the hope that it will help you to see where to draw the line, afterall, it is your feelings & well being that is involved. No one can decide for you. Number of years of being together should not be the basis to stay in a relationship. If the years is adding up & there is no future- it is all the more reason to move on…

Answer 3

You never really know when it is truly over. I think what you need to do is move out for a while. Not a week or two I mean actually move out to your own place and don't tell him were you live. You two might need sometime to analyze the relationship. Change isn't going to happen over night and if you two decide that you do want to be together take it slow and start dating like in the beginning. Don't stay and then 8 years later decide that it wasn't working do something now and maybe it will work and maybe it wont you just have to try and be open to the possibility that you two are probably not meant to be.

Answer 4

I just asked my BF for a break. I told him it wasn't forever but if nothing changed then it may turn into forever. I told him I love him and always will and as much as I want to be there to support him (especially since he is being deployed soon) and always be there for him, I can not do it as his girlfriend right now. I told him our priorities have been mislayed and we are going to have readjust if we want this to work out. I said a bit of other things but I knew yesterday that it was finally time. The tension and distance/divide between us has been growing for so long. I have never hurt this way before. I promised myself I would not cry like a baby but that didn't work. I cried like a miserable baby and in the middle of a crowded diner. He left me there crying and told me that I got what I wanted but that he was not leaving on bad terms. I didn't even know he left until I looked up after a minute or two and he wasn't there. I am still crying. That wasn't even one hour ago. It is not and, if you love him, will not be easy nor fun. Don't attack just talk. As calmly as possible, just talk. You will probably break the no crying rule like I did, and that is okay. I wanted a public place because that helped diffuse the things that could have gotten out of hand. Since you live together, this will be harder. Maybe you should pack a bag (or his bag) and plan on staying somewhere else for a few days. Work it out civilly. I have decided to not get my family involved until things have been figured out a bit more. I love this man, and we have been dating for 3 years and friends for nearly 6 years. I have been through hell and high water with him and beside him. What I had to do tonight was something I have never imagined, until recently, that I would ever do with him. I waited too long and hope that the consequences will be minimal for that decision. Whatever you do, wait til you have a type of peace (despite the storm) and then go about it as level headed as possible. Be prepared as posible. Don't bad mouth him to all the people you each know and ask him to keep things chilled out also. I asked my guy that (via text since he left) and I am still waiting for an answer. I don't know what else to say but best wishes and I hope your relationship can be salvaged. If not go out with your head held high and level! And that helpless feeling may not go away for a while. I hope mine will. But it is slightly better now that I took care of the unbalance. I am sorry you are going through this. I will pray for you and again- Best Wishes!

Answer 5

the secret is not to change either one of you! yes you have to compromise but you dont change. let the little stuff go and not dwell on the differences. change up the relationship when things get old not the people in it. such as doing different things that you do have in common whether its working out together or cooking or a movie. just spend time with eachother as if you were dating. TALK and LISTEN to eachother instead of arguing over the same old stuff because after 4 years now you have different goals in life. you have started to make your lives together dont give up so easy when things get rough!! hang in there and good luck!

Answer 6

Even good relationships go through these phases. All relationships have their standard arguments. Usually over housework, I think.
When I'm in one of these phases I always look at him and think to myself "If I broke up with you right now, I'd have to go and look for someone just like you. Maybe someone who didn't leave his socks all over the house, but other than that, he'd have to be just like you." While I can still think that, we stay together and work through it. :)

Answer 7

If you are married to him and he hasn't committed adultery, then you should do what ever is necessary to make it work. If you are not married to him, you should move out anyway. It is wrong to live with a man that you are not married to.

Answer 8

sounds like neither of you know how to get through this...seek professional counceling.