What should I do with my wife's secret? Please help...?

Question

I found out my wife has almost $100,000 between two bank accounts and she doesn't know i found out. The thing is I've had to bust my ass working (she works too, but hear me out) to cover the normal expenses any marriage has and sometimes she has even asked for help in covering the cost of some of her expenses. For example, i just covered half the cost of her new contact lenses, cause she asked me for help on it. The thing is, I've had to hold out on buying a new car (I'm driving around in one that constantly breaks down) and buying things for me that I like because I was under the impression that she really needed help with her things and all the while she was hoarding all her earnings while I have exactly $397 in my bank account right now. For all these 7 years she has been hiding this from me and I've never hidden anything from her. I can't believe she didn't trust me on this. Should I confront her? Could she be saving that money to buy our house? Why not tell me? What should I do?

Answer 1

I think you have a right to be mad for her keeping that secret from you. You have had to sacrifice a lot of things because you wanted to be a good husband and make sure your wife had what she needed. I would ask her because I would want to know why if she has all that money does she keep asking you for some unless like you said she might want to buy a house but regardless you two are married and both have to make sacrifices. Tell her its not that you want the money but you have wanted a new car for a while and have held out on it because you wanted to make sure she had what she needed. Don't yell or get mad once you explain it to her I hope she realized that you don't care about the money its just that she made you think you two were broke.

Answer 2

Wait and see for a bit longer, keep copies of any records for proof, maybe start your own savings account without telling her and do to her what she's been doing to you. Be broke...get her to help you with money, ask for her to get a loan to buy you a new car, and just keep stashing your money away...$100,000 is a lot of money, even if she put in 1,000 a month it would take at least 9 years to amass that kind of money! Wow! She's a good saver, it could be a benefit to you, in the long run. Just keep informed about it so that she doesn't change it to someone else's name, or disappear on you, or ask for a divorce and pretend she's broke. There are a lot of scenarios that you need to be smart enough to keep an eye out in case any signs of them happening begin.

Good luck!

Answer 3

My wife and I have no financial secrets so if I found out she had that kind of coin I'd be asking why. Is it a surprise for you? Is she saving up for a divorce? Did you find out by snooping? I'd hate to be in your shoes but if she's kept you in the dark about it she has a reason that's valid to her.

Answer 4

I don't know how you found out - unless you file separate income tax (the interest earned would have to be reported). Anyway, it's not a good thing to keep secrets - you could be right that she is saving for a house - but she should have been honest with you. You need to talk to her about it, but be ready because she may be angry that you found out - or she may be happy to now share with you - in any event - talk. If she was saving for both of you - try not to be angry. It isn't right that she withheld the money but there may be a good reason. Good luck. Some women spend their money and their husbands too.

Answer 5

That money is a security blanket to your wife. She does not want you to know about it because you'll ask her to spend it. She likes having a huge pile of money in the bank. It makes her feel good. I'm sure that if your account truly ran dry and there were money problems, she would dip into her savings and help out. that's what the money is for. It is not there for you to complain about.

Answer 6

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/NCly4

However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

Answer 7

Are you sure she hasn't inherited it from a relative that has died?, if no then your wife has had a very cushy life with you and its time it comes to an end. So yes I would be confronting her with it and asking a few questions, just be wary if she says "that's it I'm going to leave", because really you are entitled to half of it.

Answer 8

What State are you in? If you are in a community property state it is probably half yours anyway.

As for not telling her. I would bring it up right away. It's certainly nice for her to be frugal and save but it isn't okay to hide it away for no reason in only her name while you are paying both of your expenses.

Don't go squander it but you both should be on the account unless ther eis somethign you don't feel comfortable discussing like you gamble or somethign like that.

Answer 9

WOW!! thats a huge secret to keep especially for 7 years! i would confront her...especially if it is putting you in a serious bind. don't be upset about it though. try to do it in a calm way so she won't feel guilty and ask why she went behing your back when she can trust you and make her feel secure. and now that you see this dont try to force her into jumping into huge amounts of debt if you both are not ready to take on that responsibility. dont splurge cuz you have the money!!!!! good luck!

Answer 10

Me personally I'd ask her about it. There could be a reasonable explanation or she could be keeping it a secret. Either way something is going on and needs to be brought to light.