been married 38 years and still can't talk about finances and taxes and health problems ..any clues how to

Question

Every time I try to talk with my husband of 38 years about his goals and plans for our future well being he gets so annoyed and mad..am I wrong to want to know how he feels about certain issues in our finances and health care.We have 4 grown children and 8 grandchildren ..we don't own our own home and we are both self employed. He was diagnosed with Type Diabetes last year 06 and is doing pretty good only having to take oral medication .. He also has a abdominal hernia that is very big and he wears a brace around his waist to hold it in at all times.. He does home repairs and remodeling and I clean houses..We have no health insurance ..He is 58 and I'm 56 Doesn't this sound scary to anyone else but me???

Answer 1

Yes it sounds scary. It probably sounds scary to him also that is why he can't talk to you about it. He doesn't have the answers and probably feels that he has let you down. Keep trying to talk to him. Don't put him down or anything just let him know that you are worried about your future.

Answer 2

Very scary. My husband and I have been self employed for 35+ years and we have had to carry our own insurance and that's a big thing. I am upset with my husband that he has not been able to set up some kind of retirement for us. We are kind of left flying by the seat of our pants in that dept. I sometimes feel that people who have jobs with health coverage and life insurance and other benefits don't realize how fortunate they really are. Your husband is probably afraid of the future and men usually don't like to talk about those kinds of things. I think the government focuses on the very rich and the very poor...and the needs of the people left in the "middle class" are not really addressed. Try approaching him by asking him what you can do to help him with planning your future together in these areas. Good luck. I wish you the very best.

Answer 3

It does sound scary. You do need to know your financial state and you do need health insurance. He may get upset when you try to talk to him about it because it scares him too. Maybe one step you could take is to find a job that offers health insurance, now. A financial planner could tell you if that makes any sense.
A financial planner might be your best source of information. He or she wouldn't be able to do much without your husband's cooperation but you could look at best case/worst case scenarios.
I have a friend who gets health care by way of a state program (we're in Massachusetts) - she is elderly and diabetic. She lives in public housing because of her age and income, which is very low. She told me that she can't afford to work now because she would lose state assistance. You need to determine what your state's assistance would be if you had a serious illness, or your husband had complications from his diabetes.
I suggested a financial planner but that is just a starting point. You could also call a state agency for the elderly.

Answer 4

Yes, it does sound scary, and to tell you the truth, it sounds as though you have waited 38 years TOO LONG to question this set up. When it all boils down, you have a man that does not care what happens to you after he is gone. If he has and more serious health problems than he already has, how are you going to pay for them without health insurance. I would find out very quickly about all of this nonsense, I think this perfect world that he has dreamed up could very well be your nightmare. One long trip to the hospital could wipe out ANY or all of any savings you might have- or he might have. Do you expect your kids or grandchildren to pay for these terrible mistakes you and your husband have made? Because they will have to worry about it if one of you or both of you die. Just hope it is not too late for one of you to get insurance. Is he waiting for social security to pop in or if not, how does he intend to pay for old age??? I feel sorry for you that you are involved with such a tight wad but I will tell you you have every right to be concerned with this. Speak up to him and do not let the subject pass when he gets angry at you for being concerned. I think he is very dumb for not realizing that one trip to the hospital could wipe out your finances and jeopardize your home and well being.

Answer 5

That sounds scary!

When my mother was in her early to mid 50's, she was forced into retirement. With her raising four children on her own, she did not have the chance to get herself financially stable. She now lives with my sister. She needs to depend on her children to live because she was not able to get herself financially stable from raising us four on her own.
My sister started having health problems and there was a fear that she migh be forced into early retirement with continuos medical home care. If that happened, I would have my mother and sister living with me.

I hope your children are as willing as my sister and I are to take you two in when you both cannot afford to live due to health problems and no medical insurance. Hernia and not having it taken care of is extremely dangerous! and painful!

I do not know the state that you reside. However, most states do have programs for people with no insurance and have medical problems. You might want look around your area to find the help that you need for your husbands medical condition. I am guessing neither of you paid into your disability taxes that provides you with disability payments if you or your husband become disabled.

You need to find a way to force some reality into your husbands brain! Sit down by yourself and write out your future both financially and medically. Lay it out in easy to understand and in a "holly crap" we are in trouble way so that your husband will easily see that you two need to do some serious adjustments to your life.

I am only 16 years behind you in life and with your question, has put some serious thoughts into my mind, realizing that I only have 15 years to get what I need in place so that I can actually have a retirement life..... Where does the time go!?!?!

Answer 6

This is tremendously SCARY. Why don't you purchase some health insurance for you both? You don't need a discussion with your hubby about that. I highly recommend purchasing something, as opposed to nothing. You've been with him 38 yrs, why is it important that he talk about these things now, as opposed to earlier in your marriage? Some people don't do well with these types of discussions. It may be up to you to just take care of business, in order to protect your family. Leave him be. Look about getting your house in order re: healthcare and planning your futures (i.e. wills, retirement, etc.). Don't wait on him to do it. You can handle it. The best to you...

Answer 7

well I would think after that time you both would have a say in that.
If you own your own business look into blue croos blue shield, they hold insurance for small business.
As far as not owning a home well thats no big deal, many people rent all there lives, there are some bvenfits of not owning a home, but in your case I would say you both need to sit down and have a long discussion about your future!

Answer 8

I think he is scared just as much as you are but doesn't want to admit to it. I am sure his health issues are a big concern, especially as we all age each year. He probably doesn't want to talk about goals/plans because he may think there won't be time...sounds like he needs to talk to his doctor/minister. I would reassure him that you are there for him and your marriage. You're one of the lucky ones - being together for 38years. I hope you have another 38 years together. And remember, it will be up and down...but stick together.

Answer 9

You must pay at least your health insurance. It is his problem not to pay his ensurance. If you work , pay your own insurance. Of course he will get mad about it, but this is his problem. If it is possible to have your insurance without letting him know, it is better. But let someone very close ( daughter, sister, etc. ) know that. We have a saying : " If you want to get along with the stupid one , tell him what he wants to hear and behave like you want to" . I'm sorry, but your husband's behaviour is more than stupid, is irresponsible. You must become responsible.

Answer 10

No, I would be scared shi*less too! He probably just feels insecure about that aspect in his life, which causes him to get angry at you because he doesnt want to talk or think about it. Reality is though, he needs to! He cant keep procrastinating. Even if you dont make a lot of money, there are things you can do to set your future in motion. I hope the best for you!