Going into dreamland
looking at the clouds
i notice a pretty angel
how wonderful it sounds
i thought they'd come on another day
but fait picked this moment
and this is what they say
"Hello pretty people we are here to stay
we've been sent from above
your time was called today
don't fear our presence
or our bright white cloaks
we are going to heaven now
we have to pass sky smoke"
so when youv'e pictured time
going into dreamland
looking at the clouds
do you notice your pretty angel
how wonderful that sounds. Renay Birkett age 24
2007-08-15 13:32:45 · 12 answers · asked by terry 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
That was an interesting piece...simple and meaningful
2007-08-15 13:54:30 · answer #1 · answered by dopefilmmaker33 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I didn't like the poem. I could see and intuit the writer's intention but there's really nothing here that I could recommend. To say it another way, this is not a poem I would copy and send to a friend and say, "you've just got to read this." It's just not good. I suppose if you are the person who just lost a loved one and somebody showed you this poem at the height of your sorrow you might feel moved...but all in all...not even good enough to say "amateurish." Sorry.
2007-08-19 08:18:06 · answer #2 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
another "i"...why so many with such little self-esteem? The poem starts out okay, but it drifts into careless verse. I would advise your friend to pick a style and stay with it. The poem starts out with abcb and an even meter, but it switches to an aba pattern with mixed meter, then it completely falls apart. Perhaps Renay should try free verse and not force the words to rhyme...when the lines don't rhyme, they sound more natural, but the rhymed lines sound contrived. It is easy to make lines rhyme, but it's difficult to make them sound like they couldn't help but be that way. So, please tell Renay that the poem is a good start, but needs lots of revision and editing, and that a good poem conveys a clear message with the fewest words.
and tell Renay to keep writing
2007-08-15 14:01:11 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I like it. It has good rythmn and rhyme. I'm not sure I understand the meaning, but it seems to have some kind of meaning. So with that on top of being pretty well written, I would give it a 8/10.
2007-08-15 13:39:47 · answer #4 · answered by rayman333 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It's not bad, quite simplistic is structurwe, which I think adds to the style of the poem. It is a bit 'difficult' in the middle, perhaps a bit of work on sylibols is needed!
2007-08-15 22:21:41 · answer #5 · answered by Dunk 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Beautiful
2007-08-15 13:44:33 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
i want you to tell her i thought it was a beautiful poem well written it rhymed and i loved the topic it was wonderful how she portrayed the meaning of going to heaven i loved it i give it a perfect 10!
she should see if she could get it published!
2007-08-15 14:48:47 · answer #7 · answered by horselover 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
OK but a bit immature for your age
2007-08-15 23:08:31 · answer #8 · answered by jay58 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think the angel took her to heaven.
2007-08-15 13:45:04 · answer #9 · answered by Vawewia 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
It lacks true meaning. Kinda gross!
2007-08-15 13:59:22 · answer #10 · answered by Gunnvald Härtviksen 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋