Ok So I am 27 years old married and pregnant. It was really a planned pregnancy just one of those things. Anyway my husband is thrilled and has been wanting to have another child for awhile. Myself however am not so happy. During the first 12 weeks I actually hoped that I would miscarry. I am now getting to the point where i can still have an abortion but dont know what to do. My husband says the choice is mine but im sure that if i did our relationship would suffer. However our relationship is suffering now because im resenting him.
Please dont bother with the dont kill your baby responses here Im not interested. Im looking for some real advice. Like someone who has gone through this and had a baby and is glad they didnt do it. Or Vice versa.
Im so afraid i will have this baby and not love it or want it. I dont want to do that to a child. As of right now i dont even want to think about it ever. I just hope it will go away (i know immature)
Advice please
2007-08-15 13:28:47 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
it sounds like you're having a touch of depression... maybe check out a local support group and get some answer reall quick.. if you want to have an abortion have one... and include your husband in the decision.. make him understand why you want this... if you have any doubt in your mind that you cannot or will not love this baby maybe abortion is the right choice for you.... you have a very short timet o make a very big decision and i'm sure no one envys you, think long and hard and hopefully you'll get hte answers you're looking for... i'm sure when that baby is born you would love him/her... you just need some timet o gain a little perspective... and if this is truely what you want your husband will understand... good luck and i hope you feel better!
2007-08-15 13:34:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
YOU are the one that has to carry the baby for nine months and give birth. Not saying that a man has no responsibilities in pregnancy, but really until the baby is born, the women are the one dealing with it. If you are not ready then dont do it. If your relationship suffers from it then you just have to work through it ya know? Thats part of marriage. I am not sure if you have other kids, you didnt specify if they were yours and your husbands or just his. If they are yours then I dont know if you went through this or not, but I had a planned pregnancy with my husband, and I didnt think that I would love my baby, or that I would be happy with her, and this was a PLANNED pregnancy, so I can imagine an unplanned one. If it was me, I would keep the child, because life is hard. Period. If you are having sex then you understand that it is a definite possibility that you could unwillingly conceive, so people have to prepare for that. My advice would be to do what you feel you can handle if it is completely unreasonable financially and emotionally right now, and you are already resenting your husband and the baby, then have an abortion. just weigh out the positive and negatives of each. You could also consider adoption....
2007-08-15 13:40:48 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica (Proud Wife and Mother!) 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your key sentence for me is: "I'm so afraid I will have this baby and not love it or want it. I don't want to do that to a child".
That is exactly how I feel about bringing any child into the world. Sure there are many unplanned pregnancies where the parents are thrilled, but there are also unplanned pregnancies that some people just are not ready for -- whether they are married or not.
I had an abortion when my daughter was 1 year old, and yes I was married. For a number or reasons, I just couldn't handle it at the time. It is now 20 years later, and fortunately, I do not regret my decision.
Yes, there are alternatives such as adoption, and having an abortion is not always an easy decision, but you and only you should be the one to make that choice for yourself.
I hope that all goes well!
2007-08-15 13:38:31 · answer #3 · answered by Vera C 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, look having an abortion is not as easy as it sounds (I'm Pro-Choice by the way). I speak from personal experience when I tell you this. I had one and the feelings you have once you leave the place are horrible... you keep thinking why did I do that? Why didn't I just keep the baby? and you feel miserable about the whole situation, you really feel down and depressed. Then about maybe a week or two you feel better, you don't see it as a mistake anymore, more like a sense of being relieved (I'm sorry to those who are Pro-Life, but I am speaking from what I know) not from getting rid of the baby but of not having to think about the situation anymore. There are a lot of different circumstances that can make you not want the baby, but in the end they really are worth it no matter what. And don't worry about the not loving the baby part. That love just pours out once you have the baby in your arms.
2007-08-15 13:43:24 · answer #4 · answered by lady93534 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, I'm Pro-Choice, so I want you to know, I'm not judging you.
Secondly, I've known a couple of women who've felt the same way you do. It's common. And, I'd say that you probably need to consult your doctor about possible medication to regulate your mood, because it sounds like hormonal depression. I'm not a doctor, I'm just relaying what I've seen. You can get some things under control with support and medication.
Don't give up hope yet. Your maternal instincts will kick it, it's just a matter of you getting the right help. You need to seek professional, medical attention.
I've actually had thoughts of having an abortion because of a lot of personal issues that has gone in the relationship that caused the pregnancy. A lot of people judge me for it, calling me evil for even considering abortion, but I know personally, I want the utmost for my child, and bc of the circumstances surrounding the situation with my son's father, I would never want to make him suffer. But, I ultimately resorted to the fact that I will love my child, and although it'll be rough at times, I made myself a solomn vow that no matter what, I'll give my son the best life possible. He doesn't need his father. I and my family (mainly my dad, who will be a role model) make up for that.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Just do some soul searching. If it's not the right time, it's not. You've got choices like abortion, or adoption. But I feel confident you'll go into maternal overload! :-) Just give it time! It's natural to be scared.
Email me if you want to talk further!
2007-08-15 14:01:09 · answer #5 · answered by Impavidsoul 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really think you should find a good therapist and talk to them about this before you make a decision or let time make the decision for you. This is not the kind of thing you can really explore with stangers on the internet and expect it to have an impact on your decision. You and your husband could certainly go together, but it sounds like this is more something you need to figure out on your own right now. I think you know that this is a major thing in your life and you should try and get a real handle on what you need to do. There are people who are trained to help you figure out what is best for you. Clearly you don't want to go to someone who has an opinion on this matter -- but, rather just a good therapist (not easy to find!) who can work with you on what you need. I think most people who have decided to keep the baby when they were ambivalent are very pleased that they made that choice. But it's not about what the majority says in a situation like this.
2007-08-15 13:50:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you may be depressed; however, I still don't know or understand your motives for not having this baby. I think you and your husband need to make this decision together...it's not fair for him to put it all on you. The baby belongs to both of you. My mom was going to have an abortion when she was prego with my little sister and she was married too. My grandparents convinced her not to and when she had the baby she felt so guilty for ever thinking about giving her up. She was so happy and thankful that she had another child and has never regreted her decision to keep her. She was going through a depression state too.
I also think you might want to speak with your OB and seek some counseling for you and your husband. Maybe some professional advice and guidance is what you need to help. I think if you get an abortion (while your husband deeply wants this baby) you might ruin your marriage. Try to get to the root of the issue as to WHY you don't want this baby and try to solve it before you make any rash or drastic decisions. Good luck hun.
2007-08-15 13:47:02 · answer #7 · answered by dcasas81 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How sad for you that you were hoping for a miscarriage just to not be pregnant anymore =(
I think before you make any decisions you and your husband need to talk to a counselor and figure out what's going on with your marriage and why you would want to abort a baby your husband is thrilled about having with you..
Sounds like you might be suffering from depression due to the pregnancy itself or problems in your marriage.
Best of Luck to you =)
2007-08-15 13:52:30 · answer #8 · answered by Helpfulhannah 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had an abortion and 100% regret it, I now have a 6 month old son and hate myself even more for the abortion. You will suffer and hate yourself more if you have the abortion. Of course you will love your baby. My son was not planned at all and I could not imagine life without him. You will regret the abortion if not right away, eventually. I have been there so I have first hand experience. The only good thing that came from it is being able to advise others on the pain and suffering that comes along with it....you will deal with it for the rest of your life.
2007-08-15 14:04:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If it was a planned pregancy why dont you wont it. That dont make much sense. Im totally against abortions, but Im not going to stay anything to you about it...
But personally I think you sound depressed about it, maybe you should get you some help someone to talk with. and then if you still feel like your not going to love your child, or will not wont your child, then maybe you should give it up for adoption. There are many people who would Love to Love your child, and take care of it, and it would make some couple really happy, who cant have a child.
2007-08-15 13:37:03 · answer #10 · answered by Stacey22 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It really just might be your hormones. I felt like that for awhile in the beginning. i didn't want an abortion, I just wasn't happy about being pregnant. This is my third baby and my husband has been stationed over seas most of this pregnancy. I am now 31 weeks and a lot happier about the pregnancy. Good luck.
2007-08-15 13:46:33 · answer #11 · answered by mrs06chris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋