How to stop hating someone?

Question

Okay... There is a really long story attached to this... I'm going to write a small summary of it, because I've looked though some answer question things already, and all of them were about hating someone who did something to you specifically. Not the case for me.

I really want to stop hating this girl. The gist is that my best friend wanted to break up with her, so that's what happened. But then said girl started threatening to kill herself, and said she couldn't live without my friend, and this went on for about two or three weeks. This was an internet relationship, by the way. So the girl came down to where we live and met my friend. I wasn't here. I was in Ohio on a school program, so I couldn't do anything. All in all, my friend took her back and claims to never have stopped loving her at all, and they are sickeningly closer then before. She caused my friend to stop eating, and even stop sleeping at times.

I hate her will all my soul and I want her to die. But it's unhealthy.

Some of the answers say I sound jealous... Well, I was for awhile. But that's not the case now. My friend is my best friend, and the reason I hate her is because of what she did to my friend, and then how my friend just took her back and is sickeningly exclaiming to the world how much in love they are.

Hopefully that dissipates the jealously part...

Answer 1

This comes from my own experience of hating a person, and many hours of comtemplation and soul-searching. None of this comes quickly, and certainly not easily.

First, you deserve a lot of credit for realizing that it's unhealthy. That's the first step, and it should bring you strong hope that you can get through the rest.

Understand that your hating her has zero effect on her, and is destroying your health and life. SHE is not doing this; YOUR HATE for her is.

It will probably take a while for you to get to the point where you can fully and completely accept responsibility for your hatred, and the fact that your hatred -- not this woman -- is responsible for your problems.

Hatred is poison to the person who possesses it, not to the person to whom it's directed.

Ask yourself, long and often: 1. Is this woman is worth it?; and, 2. Is this the type of person I want to be?

Certainly, she's a talented manipulator, and your friend will suffer even more. Focus on him and his needs. You can be a better friend to him -- and he sure neeeds one -- only if you're physically and emotionally healthy and strong.

Time and patience. Know what your priorities should be, focus on why such-and-such should be your priorities, and in time they will become your priorities (and not just what you know in in your head what they should be). Then focus and act on them.

Your hatred is hurting only you directly, and your friend indirectly. This woman may wallow in your hatred and pain. So you may just be giving the person you hate exactly what she wants, while you and your friend are getting worse.

I wish you and your friend all the best. Remember: You'll get there if you stick to what you know is right.

Answer 2

Hate is not the opposite to lose.
The opposite to love is fear.

Love is admiration on an immediate/strong level.
You're drawn strongly toward what you admire, approve of, like and want.

So the opposite to this is fear--which you fell of this wicked person's influence, acts, powers. Isn't that so? If she had no power over anybody, she'd be annoying, a nuisance, someone you could just forget about.

So you need to do three things--or the cure won't work.
1. Forget about the third person involved--that's you're afraid the wicked one has power over, not you.
2. Go in another direction--break the immediacy; take the 'fear" off your back and find something more important it can't affect. or just get out of it all together. then what you feel won't be hate.
It will be disgust--when you do think of it.
3. The only emotion that you can't reduce as a negative by repeating to yourself, "I'm feeling----" is anger. So this afraid feeling you have for your friend and toward the bad effects of the wicked one can be handled by acknowledging the negative you're feeling. "I"m feeling afraid, afraid, afraid, afraid afraid.."
Say it twenty times, very low, when you're alone You'll relax, stop holding your emotions in and laugh--because it's a "release of tension".
Then spend five minutes doing something that's detailed.

When you come back to the feeling, it will have 1/10th the power to bother you that it did.

Answer 3

You need to back off if you are feeling this strongly against someone else's relationship. It sounds like you are envious. Yes, it's unhealthy to "hate her will all my soul and I want her to die". Get a life without this friend or this girl.

Answer 4

That is really bad especially if u like this friend. Ii would just look at her and see how much better you are then her and try and help ur friend notice that she is a mean person. Just something to try

Answer 5

Why do you hate her? Do you in love with your friend?

Hate is very unhealthy for anybody --you are right.

You should not hate her in the first place. Well, it's so easy to stop hate her---STOP Hate her. STOP thinking about hate.

Maybe you need to read the Bible.

Good luck and I love you honey :)

Answer 6

Simply forgive her. If you were to die tomorrow would hating her have changed your life for the better? Love is two words forgiving and for giving.

Answer 7

You assume conscious purpose, why.


'I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)
'
Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gestalt_prayer"


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fritz_Perls

Answer 8

You sound jealous.


Love and blessings Don

Answer 9

kill her. or....
forget about a loser like her you dont even want her in your head so just dont think about the stupid *****