I feel like, as a 25 year old woman, I should want to have kids, but I HATE kids! Is something wrong with me?

Question

I think they're annoying, gross, and loud, and I hate when they sit near me in restaurants and cry like ungrateful little brats. I've never changed a diaper and never want to. I find it disgusting. My boyfriend absolutely loves children. He thinks they're miracles. I honestly think I would have no patience with kids if I had my own, and I'd end up being a terrible mother. I don't know why...I have friends who have kids and they love them, and they tell me that if I have my own, all my feelings will change. My own mother was and is wonderful and patient. I don't know where I get it from, and I feel abnormal.
Does anyone else feel this way???

Answer 1

Your distaste for children is natural...However, you would probably feel different about YOUR kids. The children of others seem like uncontrolled and grubby little tyrants, yes?
If you had your own kids, you might take more responsibility for their behavior than other parents...Or you might learn to appreciate them as they are...Either way, just because other folks seem to be giving birth to filthy little goblins left and right, doesn't mean you have to...

Answer 2

Nothing wrong with you at all. I am more of an animal person than a people person. I will not babysit kids and cannot tolerate unruly ones in stores, etc.

Do not let anyone talk you into having them if you feel that way. I've known people who were pressured into having kids because "it's the thing to do" and they have regretted it ever since. Half the time these people don't even bother with the kids. They ship them off to day care, camp, etc. If your boyfriend loves them, and you really hate them, I think you should back out of the relationship. It's never going to work as there is no happy medium on this issue. You will have to carry the kid, etc. not him. Don't fall for the line "I'll take care of them and help you out" as it's just that - a line.

Oh and the answer about being afraid of responsibility is just plain ignorant. No where is it written that you are irresponsible if you don't have kids. That is an "irresponsible" thing to say Lourdes. I know a lot of career minded people in very responsible positions who do not have kids. You have to be responsible to run your own business or have a career where other peoples lives, etc. are in your hands.

Answer 3

There is a lot of pressure in our society for women to have kids.
This is actually a control and manipulation tactic.

People who do not like kids should not have them. It's that simple.

But some people who have kids want every other woman to have kids so that they can justify it... they are insecure about their parenting abilities and their finances and their position in the grand scheme of things.
So they think - "The more the merrier... If everyone else becomes a baby factory then we are all in this together!"

Make your own choices, and don't let others control your life in order to justify their own.

I have seen the "change" in many of my friends after they've had children... they are suddenly far too concerned with keeping up appearances and "faking it" to fit into some bizarre notion of what "normal people should be like".

I do not resent children and hope to have some of my own someday... but I am aware of this group-think psychosis that too many young people fall prey to.

Answer 4

Generally the baby clock doesn't start ticking for many until they are in their 30s.

Being a parent is generally trial by fire. You become a good parent by practice not intent. There are some people who have kids and shouldn't thinking they will be a great parent. Some of the better parents I know are people who had no intention of had kids then did.

If you absolutely don't want kids, get your tubes tied and tell your boyfriend/husband to find another woman who wants children. Unless you are willing to remove the word "never" from your life, life has a way of changing..

Answer 5

It's perfectly fine. I knew by the age of 19 that I would never get married and never have kids. I'm in my late 30's now ;) , and still feel the same. I don't hate them; I just don't have time for them. I knew I'd be focused on my career.

Do what feels right and don't let anyone pressure you into having kids because it's "what women do". We can make up our own minds!

Answer 6

Nothing wrong with you. Some women just don't have as strong maternal instincts as others.

I don't have children. Like you I was never interested in raising kids. I didn't play w/ baby dolls when I was a kid, I didn't like playing house. I'm happily married to a super man who doesn't want to have kids either.

Be honest to yourself and your partner; you'll do fine. :-)

Answer 7

I hear you, Sister Friend!! While all my other friends are making goo-goo faces at babies and begging their friends/siblings to let them babysit, I am doing my best to be seated as far from them in restaurants and movie theaters as possible. My mom sounds like your mom- she has loved babies and small children since her first babysitting gig at age 9, but after nearly 30 years as a teacher, their charm has sort of worn off on her, too. I do feel panicked sometimes, though, because I'm almost 28, and I figure if I do have kids it will be within the next 5 years or so, but I just cringe every time I think of having to be Mommy instead of just doing what I'm doing now- having fun, living with my boyfriend, and enjoying life.

Here's what I think happens to you, though, because I've actually had a couple of friends who kind of hated kids, then got pregnant and became the kind of mommies who talk about diaper rash and diarrhea like they used to talk about Prada. I think even if you don't like other people's kids, you'll love your own and not see any of the faults in them that you see in everybody else's kids, because they're yours. It's like with my dog. I never was what I'd call a "dog lover"- in fact, I thought people with dogs were weird to want to give up so much of their time and money doing things for these creatures who were never even going to talk to them. Then one day, I woke up with this intense longing to have a dog, and I adopted a bulldog from a rescue, and now I'm one of those crazy dog ladies who has a picture of her dog on her desk at work and gets his picture taken by a professional dog photographer. See what I mean? I am thinking I will do this with babies one day: just wake up wanting one so bad, and then devoting my life to them the second I see them. You're still so nice and young, you have like at least 10 years or so before it becomes crunch time for fertility and whatnot. Just enjoy life, stay away from kids, and wait for the feeling of wanting them to come to you. And if it never does, don't stress! Not everybody has to be a parent on this overcrowded planet. I, for one, think you'd make a great parent just because you seem honest and straightforward, which are good qualities for a mom to have. Luck!

Answer 8

i think of hate is in basic terms too stable a observe... how approximately I in basic terms dont choose any young ones and thats in basic terms me. i think of you probable didnt have a nurturing loving upbringing and you probable didnt have pets turning out to be up...... and consistent with probability your an in basic terms infant.... a lot of those issues or a number of them might desire to shape your attitude in direction of young ones. even nonetheless, you havent met the guy who blows your ideas yet the two..... and that i'm able to inform you that in case you do, possibly at that factor you may attempt the determine element and be shocked at how diverse you experience while its your individual......i replaced into in basic terms such as you as quickly as..... I became a mom at 36 years previous and that i like it... I even have been abode now for 5 years and that i does no longer commerce it for the international.... i replaced into waiting at a later age.... persistence, empathy, understanding all grow to be extra organic as you become previous. or maybe you under no circumstances gets the maternal element taking place... why difficulty approximately it???? Your being elementary.... possibly in basic terms tone down your ideas.... dont say hate... dont come out and tell a guy your under no circumstances having young ones..... in basic terms say its no longer something your drawn to and can under no circumstances be yet say "we could stay for the 2nd and not plan a brilliant previous destiny top now". i'm guessing your feeling undesirable approximately your emotions, consequently the venting on yahoo.... Your no longer abnormal..... your a splendidly popular youthful female who isnt into toddlers or animals in view that is in basic terms who you're.... it might desire to or it might desire to no longer replace... doesnt mean your no longer a sturdy individual.... your extra desirable for admitting it and making a determination.... many many women folk have toddlers thinking its the superb element to do just to verify they hate motherhood and the toddlers are resented..... i could rather see somebody admit and and keep away from it...... besides... dont agonize.... stay and enable stay and do in basic terms what you experience is sturdy for you. sturdy success with this

Answer 9

It's good that you realize this is the way you are. You need to be really up front with your bf about this belief though-- because it could cause trouble down the road if he wants kids and you don't.

I say more power to you, though- my aunt is 50, no kids, and she's smokin' hot, lives in Europe half the year with her Italian boyfriend, and she's got an excellent career as a lawyer. She's my idol.

Answer 10

Listen to yourself and pick a different boyfriend!!!! Don't force yourself into having children just because of societal expectations!!! Choose a mate with whom you relate and with common goals!!!!