PLEASE help me? I have decided to write a novel!?

Question

ok, i just turned 14 and have decided to write a novel that will be well over 100 pages. Now, here's the first couple paragraphs (i apologize that the chapters are rather short). What vibe do you get from it so far? (and no, it's not going to be a cheezy horror book, seriously, i hate those.)

sorry for spelling mistakes.

http://opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D728270&entry=10001&mode=

so is the writing at least half way decent? (thanks!)

Answer 1

It's a little choppy(the writing style). The sentences do not really floe together. The reader also cannot get a real feel for your character, you need more description.

For example(if I reworded you First paragraph): Give me some liberty here, as I don't know your plot or characters

I lay silently on my bed, all I could feel was pain. My body was cold and drenched in sweat. I winced trying to draw in a deep breath, it was as if something heavy lay on my chest keeping my breaths shallow.

I wish I could say this was an unusual night, but that would be a lie. I lifted my head slightly, just checking to see if the door was still locked. I knew it was, but it reassured me that I was in fact alone. Loneliness was another aspect of my life that was not unusual, I spent most of my time deep in my own thoughts, and pain.

There is nothing that I can do to make the pain subside. I can feel it all, the throbbing in my head, to the shooting pain in my legs.

And so on....
Description of what the character is thinking and feeling is important. The reader needs to see the character and the scene.

Answer 2

I think it's very good! and you sure do know how to catch people's attention. Keep on writing and don't give up. I used to be like you when was your age and i never actually finished a book.. later one you will develop more the sentences.It's interesting cause at first i thought the character was paralyzed in a hospital bed.. but then in the second chapter, the character specifies that people see her or him as freak.. so.. pretty interesting!! :-)

Answer 3

Hi

I looked at the first paragraph and the best way I can explain it is, to observe more, to really dig deep. Here is what I did with just one of your paragraphs but still, you did great!

Here is what I did from your first paragraph but remember, I am 36 years old, so I have been writing for years:

_________________________________________________

The sky is quiet and transcends like the many nights before. Whispering and haunting me as I lay within the four corner walls of this darkroom. The moon, enchanting as ever, radiates its light as it sings and cradles the jewels in the night - beckoning them to dance for another night.

There is no one but I, who wonder and caress the migraine that does not want to leave me. I am getting use to it but I so want to know how I can tame it. There are only my words that can radiate the pain I feel and how nothing at this moment in time can make me feel right. I am alone within this dark and locked room.

My cold body has surrendered itself to the bed and though I am alive, I feel like a ghost ship. A ghost ship without its captain, its crew and a journey that renders itself with one question I have yet to answer. As I gaze towards the horizon in which the dark covers it’s cloak again, I wonder if there is anything as wonderful as the moon. Is there anything else that caress the night with its beauty and wisdom because I so want to know. I hope so for this world seems so hideous to me.

I can but only stare at the moon and its beauty because it reminds me of that endless question. It haunts me every night, at this same room, as I stare beyond the dark frame of my world.

How do I stop them? How do I stop them?

Answer 4

I think it's...okay. It's not horrible, but it's not amazing. I think your writing style is contributing to some of the sentences not being very descriptive or not being proper english (no offense). For your age, I think it's a good start. Keep writing it, the more you write, the better you'll become.

Also, if you want some more feedback from other writers, you can try fictionpress.com.

Answer 5

Yes, it's halfway decent. I think it definitely has potential, but needs some editing. The first chapter has a good concept, it really hooks the reader! But i think you should vary structure so the story will move faster and smoother.

Answer 6

Not to bad,
but where is it going?
I changed a little of it around in my mind.

When I write, I write notes on another
paper to add to my story.
Then I know what action I can put in
so I know where I'm going.
I write my characters names down to,
and who they are.

Answer 7

It sounds pretty interesting. It's pretty decent...but it could do with a lot of editing.

Answer 8

great use of vocabulary,it flows and grabs your attention what is it about?