Is it time to let go? I think I have fallen out love.?

Question

After many wonderful years, I think I have fallen out love. For the past six months, I have been distant and do not wish to cuddle, make out, etc. When I am alone, I miss our time together and all the fun we have, and feel guilty that I do not feel the love anymore. When there is an outreach of affection, such as an attempt to kiss me and more, I pull away. I pull away from any form of intimacy. I feel like such a cruel person and it hurts to feel this way toward someone so amazing! I wish I could know how or when the love left, but it doesn't seem like its going to come back. And it really saddens me because we have been together for many years and made so many great plans for our future together! I care very much, but the love - that feeling of longing and persisting is no longer there. Is it time to let go?

Thank you for answers. I don't think I enjoy drama, and have given this a great deal of thought. What triggered this may be a combination of things. Coping with stress has been difficult, but we have always made time for each other. Our relationship has always come before family and friends and even career. We had many obstacles in the beginning caused mainly because we were getting to know each other's boundaries and such. We survived the first few years and the rest have been great! Always making time for each other all the while acknowledging each other's need for independence, the pursuit of our respective interests, and encouraging each other's growth. We dine, travel and do everything together - I mean it has been amazing, to say the least. Our demanding careers may played a role, but again, we made sacrifices to make it work. There is no affair on my end, no drugs, no double-life. Thi has been a difficult change to accept, but after many months I am at my rope's end.

Perhaps my feelings of guilt are what pull me away from intimacy, but I cannot be certain of anything at this point. I have observed other couples that have been married this long and they don't seem to have ever been as passionately engaged about their relationship as we were. Neither one of us has 'let go' physically.' Perhaps we are in better shape now then we ever were because we have been in constant communication about how we feel and always work on improving for each other. From the outside, we are the perfect couple, but on the inside I feel so alone and empty. Love is fading fast, and I am afraid resentment will soon follow.

Answer 1

the hardest part is to accept that the love is gone after that you should be able to cope with it. whats the use to being together if you dont love him anymore, find you happiness with someone else and let him do the same, if when yous separate you feel the need to be with him again, then you know that love is still there...

Answer 2

Is it time to let go? Maybe it is but it sounds like you have such regret and pain when you even think about the possibility that there is still some love left. It is not uncommon to feel like the passion that once was there has left the relationship. Many people go from the feeling of a big love affair to just being comfortable in a relationship. Have you thought about going to a marriage counselor and exploring what can be done to get some of the passion back? Unfortunately it very well be over but it sounds like there also still be a chance too. What you don't say is how your partner feels and treats the relationship. I will say that it is always sad when the life you were hoping for is not the life you're living. It doesn't sound like anyone is to blame but you've just drifted apart or lost your way. I wish you luck and hopefully you can find the love and happiness once again.

Answer 3

Have you spoken to this person about how your feeling? If no - good - don't - you'll only hurt them and make matters worse. What you need to do 1st is take yourself back to the time when things were good in the relationship - what was going on - what were you both doing - how was time spent - etc., etc.. Then you need to follow the path that has led to the way you feel now and recognize what has changed & correct it. If it is that the person has changed & is no longer the person you fell in love with in the first place - then there's nothing you can do - they have changed & yes it may be time to let go - unless you think you can try & fall in love with the person they have become.

However if you find that the person who has changed is you, start doing things that will get you back to being the happy person you once were by redoing the things together that made you happy to be with them - made you happy to just be yourself & you'll find that spark with this person all over again.

YES - it requires working at it - ALL relationships do. The stress's of life can have a huge impact on a relationship and without realizing it - you could be stuck in a rutt that is no longer desirable - even to them really.

If you think they are not feeling the same and wondering why - your wrong. Try doing this exercise first and once you have figured out your answer - then openly communicate this to your partner - explain what's going on and how & what to do to fix things.

Answer 4

Love evolves over time. That intense, chemical longing usually does not continue once the newness wears off. Though that's sad, I think it's natural (novelty plays a big role in that chemistry).

Is there any chance that your guilt and disappointment about losing that intense chemical longing is playing a role in your aversion to all physical intimacy? If you just accepted the change as normal, could you open up to intimacy again?

Answer 5

Some people just can't believe it when things are going good. They start to get bored...they start to over analyze things...you might be a bit of a drama queen..not to be mean at all...I know it isn't something you are doing consciously. But what you are becoming is a drama queen. You want to stir the pot to ride the waves. If he isn't cheating, he is good to you, everything else is good...then you have no reason to not be in love. You say he is amazing...he is a good guy (so hard to find these days) Then thank your lucky stars to have him and forget about the lack of drama.

Answer 6

Only you know the answer to that, but sounds like you may be haveing some sort of resent or is there someone who is wisking your attention away. If so, you need to be honest. If you love this man so much, try going to a counselor, but you need to be honest with him. It isn't fair if you are not communicating with him. Sounds like there is more to this than you say, but it is better to be honest. pulling away from him when he tries to kiss you, can you imagine how you are making him feel? Let him go if you are revolted by his touch cause someone else may welcome hid loving touch.

Answer 7

Yes, it's time to let go. When you've been together that long and love is finally gone, it's such a relief. You can move on with no regrets. You saw it through and you can walk away now. Have a ball!

Answer 8

i do not really have an answer.. but my own question... did something happen to trigger this? is it the other person or his attitude towards life? if you miss the closeness why dont you step forward and say something??
sorry,, i ask because i asked my hubby ths same things earlier today...i love him dearly.. i think he loves me still, but even tho i try to be intamate with him, he always seems to pull back...
i dont know what to do.. i try every day... and it seems i get nowhere....
please tell me why you feel this way, so maybe i can figure out what is buggin him...

Answer 9

Sweet Pea no, this is a time to fight back. You fight for you marriage. Sometimes that fire goes out but its up too you to light it right back up. Having a good hubbie is hard to come by. You think of ways and different ideas you can do to make your marriage work. Good luck and remember what you invest in your marriage is what you will get out of it. Good luck!

Answer 10

Hello, Yes the sooner the better for you both ! I stayed for 7 years and am very sorry I did.