Telling people we met through Craigslist?

Question

My fiance is upset that I would prefer to lie to people about how we met. My family is extremely conservative and highly critical of our relationship already because we are interracial.

Is this wrong? He's told the truth to his family and friends and I've lied?

Does anyone understand why this is hard for me? What should I do?

Answer 1

I do... your life seems to mirror my own. I met my fiance on line, he is white I am black... its tough enough because people are talkin cause we're an interracial couple, let alone that we met on line, though it wasnt an online dating site. We met on a game site, totally by accident, and just fell in love with eachother. We've been together 2 years, today is our 2 yr anniversary, and are engaged to be married next august.


Honey its tough, yes he will feel upset, probably because he is thinking that you are ashamed of how you met him or who he is... My fiance and I talk ALL the time about race issues, and differences and such the like. It definitely helps in any relationship, and more so in an interracial relationship. You need to be sure where you stand with eachother. Obviously you dont care that he is out of your race, and vice versa... but other people are not so enlightened and will be betting against you. Tell him damn near EVERYDAY what he means to you and how you feel and how this is effecting you.

It was hard for me too... and my fiance thought that I had an issue with him being white, which wasnt it... its just hard when we go out together and people are staring... also knowing that people will take issue with our relationship sometimes I look for it... I question everything and became paranoid about it... but after talking to him and hearing him encourage me and tell me not to worry about other peoples opinions.. I was better.

We met totally by accident online, became friends and fell in love and today we are happy and engaged... He is white I am black, and I love him more than I have ever loved any man. At the end of the day whoever has an issue with that, fcuk em. He makes me happy. You need to talk to him, and begin to pay attention to your OWN feelings and needs. Screw other people... just know misery loves company.

Email me anytime, just to chat about this and other things, and for support. We need more interracial couples out there! :)

Answer 2

I had the same problem when my boyfriend and I started to get serious we met on Myspace and I didn't really want to tell everyone b/c it sounds so strange. After a while though I realized that the only thing that really matters is that we are happy. I understand that it's hard for you my family is the same way but they don't think any less of me or of him knowing how we actually met.

Not telling the truth could come back to haunt you especially if he told the truth just imagine what would happen if one of his friends/family innocently mentioned to your parents at the wedding how cute they thought it was that you met on Craigslist. If the people you lied to find out (especially if it's not from you) they may be very hurt. Just tell them they are your family and lies can sometimes hurt more than the truth.

Answer 3

I can see why it would be hard to tell my parents I met a guy through craigslist. Because they too are very conservative and don't believe in meeting a guy anywhere but like somewhere at church. I've met guys off the internet before, and sure it worked out, my parents knew about it but they weren't too happy about it.

One thing you have to remember though, it's your life hun. You're the one dating this guy. It's just as normal as if you were to meet him at a conference, or something. I think at least. The internet isn't that fearful, only if you know what your doing. I think you should be truthful with your parents. They should meet him first and judge him off first impressions not where you met him. When they ask how the two of you met, you could start by saying "huh...funny you ask that..." and go from there. Tell the truth, it's always better that way than to live with guilt for the rest of your life. It's your life, you are with this guy ... he makes you happy and that's all that should matter to your parents. =)

Good luck!

Answer 4

Sounds like it is hard for you because of the way you were brought up, being in a family who are as you said "extremely conservative and highly critical". I know how you feel. Some people in my family are that way and I couldn't always tell them the truth about something or just beat around the bush about it because I didn't want them to think different of me. Now, well I realized a long time ago, that I am my own person and if they don't like it, they will get used to it. That is who you are and if you are happy, don't worry about what they think. It's your life. God bless you

Answer 5

I understand. I sometimes "forget" to mention some details to my mom because I know that her reaction might not be favorable. But in the important matters, I tell her the truth, even if we might argue about it. I think, sooner or later your family will find out - if not from you, then from someone else. Either you don't tell ANYONE at all how you met, or you tell everyone. The cat is out of the bag, so you really need to tell your family. They just have to get over it - they won't be the first, and they won't be the last to do so. A lot of people meet through personals ads nowadays, and these guys will just have to get on with the program.

Answer 6

I can understand why it is hard for you, and for him. He seems to be an honest guy, and is not ashamed of the fact that he met you through craigslist, he probably thinks that by telling people he may help them find someone. Just try to explain to him the situation with your family honestly, and tell him that you just need more time, until they are more accepting. Both of you just really need to focus on you as a couple, because you two are who make each other happy not the others. It is sad that not everyone can be happy for you but hopefully overr time they will.

Answer 7

I believe that if you two love each other then the rest of the worlds opinions don't matter, but if you feel obligated to lie rather than tell the truth then that is your prerogative. I think that you should tell your parents the truth and explain to them that the reason that you lied is because you were afraid of what they thought of you but now you don't care, or something like that. I hope this helps and good luck. Plus if you plan on marrying this man then telling the truth to your parents is best.

Answer 8

I think I understand why this is hard for you, but you probably won't like to hear it. You are ashamed of the way you met, you feel like it makes your relationship "trashy", and, in truth, you already feel that way because you are ashamed to be presenting an interracial relationship to an unapproving family. You think way too much of what your friends and family think, and not nearly enough about what your fiance thinks. Obviously, he is so proud of you that he wants everyone he knows that he got lucky enough to find you, even if it was on the Internet. He sounds like he has confidence in himself, in you, and in your relationship. What should you do? Speak up. Be proud of who you've found and how you found him. Tell your family and friends to stick it. If you can't do that for your man, then find another, and do it in such a way you won't have to hide and lie.

Answer 9

I met my fiance on World of Warcraft... an online game. Try telling THAT to people... haha! As difficult as it was, I told my parents the truth and he told his parents the truth as well. Both of our families are very conservative, but they're fine with it! They were a little weirded out. My parents were worried that he wasn't who he said he was, but when they met him, they really liked him.

It's never a good idea to lie. You guys are engaged and about to get married! What if his parents mention something about how you guys met? What if it slips out somewhere and your parents find out... that's not gonna be a pretty sight.

I understand that it's hard, but it's better to just let it out and have them get over it. It's not that big of a deal since they know him and you're about to get married. They have no choice but to accept the man you're about to marry. You'll feel loads better after it's out in the open as well.

Answer 10

You don't have to lie, but you don't have to be extremely detailed either... say you met through an online service. You both were a little skeptical at first, but after some dates, you realized you were very compatible and went from there.

I've met people online before (not on Craigslist though) and it was awkward to tell families we met online... so instead, we would make something up and not worry about it. It could be as simple as 'we bumped into each other somewhere... we don't remember where'.