words of wisdom....?

Question

this is one for the guys hee hee
ps am female so i am not being sexist just think this is funny!!!

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!





1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, You probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials........

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as SEX, CARS or FOOTBALL


1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping

sorry to the guy who's sleeping on the couch!!!! glad your all laughin!!!!

actually i got it off a male friends bebo site!!!!
xxxx

Answer 1

LOL my wife and daughters thought this was very funny.
And I AM sleeping on the couch tonight!!

10/10 star for you

Answer 2

I thought I knew all that stuff. You have reached a new dimension, the sixth I think. Have you thought of forcing a man to read a book before you get married? Maybe one on emotional intelligence for instance. Oh, no that wouldn't work. You could read it to him, though. Have you ever heard of a Neanderthal woman or cave woman? How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb. One team for the bulb and one team of male professors to research what it is and a woman to supervise them both. Why so many wars. They have no plan B. You can never figure out what a woman is thinking. You have to have a brain to figure with. You don't need emotional intelligence, you can always stuff it and die younger. You can always prove your macho by having a temper tantrum. You have to give men their way, it's the only way they have. Why blame men for not asking directions, you know they would just get more confused. Men have 30% less intuition and 10% fewer connections between halves of their 'brains'. It's hard to work with half a brain. We're so fortunate women have compassion on us.

Answer 3

1. Reading a man's mind takes all of 2 minutes OR LESS

1. You are in a house with all women--toilet seat STAYS down or you can do your business OUTSIDE from now on.

1. Sunday sports? How bout mowing the lawn, cleaning the garage, painting the deck, you'll get your sports AFTER CHORES.

1. If you didn't do stuff to upset me, I'd have no reason to cry. So, stop upsetting me.

1. We ask for what we want... you just can't figure out how to give it to us.... We HINT because we are letting you know SUBTLY that you blew it once again....

1. Only one question can be answered with simply a yes or a no- - - "Do you want fries with that".....

1. The only way we ever GET anything done is to tell you to do it---and the only way you ever do it RIGHT is if we tell you how... if we could physically do it ourselves we WOULD to save the hassle..

1. We can't say what we need to say during a commercial because that's when YOU decide to go leave the seat UP in the bathroom ...

1. Need I remind you that Christopher Columbus actually WAS LOST---he was not looking to "discover America" he was looking for TEA somewhere....that was found later in the harbor in Boston...

1. All men are basically color blind except when it comes to the colors of their favorite football team and BEER CAN...

1. I don't mind if you ITCH, but could you PLEASE refrain from doing so when we are out at a fancy restaurant?? and NEVER in front of my MOTHER!!!!

1. We say NOTHING is wrong when something IS wrong because WE know you just don't have a CLUE... we shouldn't have to TELL you every single time something is wrong.... you should be old enough to figure it out for YOURSELF.... after all, WE CAN!!!!

1. We wouldn't have to ASK questions if you just paid more attention to us in the first place. Maybe we don't want to hear your answers because they are not very well thought out---and you DO tend to stick your feet in your mouths more often then not.

1. Next time we go somewhere I'll wear a burlap SACK and see if you care... we HAVE to ask "how do we look" every so often because you are too insensative to TELL us all on your own...it would really be nice just to hear it every so often.

1. I could care LESS most times what you are thinking and would rarely ask. Besides, it's a known fact you have a one track mind anyway... and it's NEVER on the same track as ME.

1. Is there EVER enough clothes? I think NOT at least I wear more then your one stinky t-shirt and old crusty warn out blue-jeans that You've been wearing every single night for a year.

1. I need a lot of shoes to match all my clothes...and of COURSE your logic would dictate that I have too many because all YOU ever buy is ONE STINKING PAIR and I've had to super glue the soles of those shoes back together 6 TIMES already....and how many knots must you put in your laces to keep THEM together?

1. You get as ROUND as you want and it's OK---I add on 2 tiny pounds and you're running around calling ME fat!!!!!!!! Tighten up blubber belly!!!!

1. You're welcome that I read this.... and now I owe the same to you... enjoy the couch, the dog threw up on it this morning and I never had time to clean it up.... oh and I have the remote upstairs with me--who ever heard of camping with the TV????? Good NIGHT SWEETIE...


This is just a little TONGUE IN CHEEK response---I mean NOTHING by it and no names were used to protect the GUILTY (but you KNOW who you are).....

Answer 4

An old song... i do no longer desire to proportion your secrets and techniques Or the worries of your existence I merely desire to proportion your love this evening it incredibly is Coming And It won't Be long.... some human beings sense you ought to think of merely like them i'm no longer able to be unfastened, I won't climb any fence I merely desire to fly....to places i desire to discover me some faces who're lookin' like me...who desire to be unfastened Eve Of Destruction: think of of all the detest there is in pink China Then take a seem around to Selma Alabama you may leave right here for 4 day's in area yet once you come back it incredibly is the standard place The pounding drums the satisfaction and shame you may bury your ineffective yet do no longer leave a hint Hate your around the corner neighbor yet do no longer for get to declare grace. old guy: The solar has left the sky old guy, the birds have flown away And no person got here to cry old guy, so long old guy so long This old Guitar: This old guitar taught me to sing a love song It confirmed me a thank you to snort and the thank you to cry It presented me to 3 friends of mine and brightened up some days And it helped me make it by way of some lonely nights What a chum to have on a cold and lonely evening. Rock N Roll fantasy: there's a guy in my block, he lives for rock He performs data day and evening And while he feels down he places some rock N roll on And it makes him sense o.k. And while he feels the international is last in He turns his stereo way up extreme. renowned quote: i've got consistently pronounced that pop song is disposable and it incredibly is, and that's the exciting of dad song. If it wasn't disposable it may be a discomfort interior the f*ckin' **** Elton John The song is all. human beings ought to die for it. everybody is dying for each little thing else, so why no longer he song....Lou Reed Rock n roll is the song that inspired me to play song. there is not any longer something conceptually greater useful that rock n roll. No team, be it the Beatles, Dylan or the Stones have ever superior on entire Lotta Shakin' for my funds. John Lennon. We have been a band who made it very great, it incredibly is all. our terrific artwork replaced into by no potential reocorded.John Lennon take care dave

Answer 5

Men are said to be like carpets.
Lay them right the first time and you will walk all over them!

Answer 6

i strongly agree with item number 1!!!

Answer 7

Very Good!!!

Answer 8

Whaaaaat?????

Answer 9

excellent

Answer 10

very funny!