I mean, do men get married because they feel they "have to" (i.e., due to family and societal pressures, etc.), or are there men that actually want to get married? If there are men out there that sincerely WANT to get married, then what is it about women that makes you want to marry them?
2007-08-15 06:22:41 · 14 answers · asked by BK 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, so thank you to those of you who pointed out that no one "HAS" to do anything. I apologize for my poor wording. What I wanted to know - plain and simple - is what are the reasons that a man chooses to marry a woman (and I was trying to avoid all the "Because I felt I 'had' to" answers, i.e., because she was pregnant, her family was pressuring us, my family was pressuring us, etc.).
2007-08-15 06:53:37 · update #1
That's an excellent question....
While I am married and am happy that I am (11+ yrs), if for some reason in the future I was non-married (divorce or death of a spouse), I highly doubt that I would get re-married.
So if I had it to do over again - knowing what I know now - I probably wouldn't do it.
I think societal pressure, family pressure, and expectations of the g/f cause alot of guys to commit. They've found someone to love them, even though they're a "guy". Some guys marry for fear of being alone or they need a replacement for their mother. In all honesty, its about the most unfinancially prudent thing a man with ANY assets can do.
If you're asking do guys think about it (married life) or "dream" about their married life the way many women do - no we don't. We don't have romantic notions of the "perfect wedding" and the "perfect life" - at least those of us who are straight don't.
Do I love my wife? Yes.
Do I love my family? Yes.
Do I worry that if anything ever happened I would likely loose everything I have worked my entire life to gain (both in property and in $)? Hell YES !
But I got married when we were young and didn't have much of anything and we've basically built it up together. I would definately take care of my wife and kids in a split, but I think the family / divorce laws in this country highly favor the female and unfairly persecute the male in the situation.
I think guys fall in love and marry for the romance and the fact that they are crazy about the girl (and the sex). Most guys figure that if they've dated long enough and the gal has put up with them and put-out, they "owe" it to her. Men STAY married because of love, but also because of comfort, companionship, and yes sometimes even due to fear. Fear to start over, fear of loosing all your stuff, fear of the social stigma of abandoning your wife and kids.
So I know its kind of a crazy answer, I am married, I'm glad I am, I am happy, but rewind the clock 15 years and give me the kowledge and maturity I have now - I would have probably stayed single.
Wierd - I know.
2007-08-15 06:43:57 · answer #1 · answered by aa889d 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Being single is hard to give up. The freedom of it. Once you are in a relationship and your freedom is gone and you are not married, why not take it to the next level. It is not about pressures, but commitments. It is you saying that you are going to do your best to make your way through any issues that arrise to reach a resolution, sor the rest of your life. There will be many times in the marriage, where if you were not married, you would have left and never have come back. But now that you are married, you will work through it. If you love them and they you, and your ultimate goals are the same, then you should want to get married. Make sure you have dated at least 5 years. (it is a big decision to make)
2007-08-15 06:33:22 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one HAS to get married. It's a personal choice. Me and my girlfriend won't, simply because we don't believe in marriage. Love is all we need to commit to, settle down and share our lives with each other. A marriage doesn't add anything to true love. If anything, it adds pressure. Marriage can be a very convenient concept though, for people not wanting to commit, they can date as much as they want and apparently never feel obliged to commit because they're not married, and I guess that makes break-ups so much easier! Very convenient indeed. Maybe eventually we might have some sort of cerimonial celebration of our love, or several, but never a marriage in its official sense. We do want to have kids and raise a family, but marriage has nothing to do with that. The whole institution of marriage seems silly and makes no sense to me, but I do understand why religious people would want to get married since they believe that means God will bless their relationship. Personally, I think that if God exists, how can It not bless any true love? Besides, all evidence shows that relationships aren't all that blessed from marriage on, or there wouldn't be so many divorces and cheating and a lot of other marital problems. People get married by tradition mostly, because almost everyone does it, even in different religions, so everything makes believe that it's something one has to go through, that's it's meaningful and really imperative if one wants to take a decisive step forward in one's relationship, but as far as I'm concerned that's all meaningless traditional BS. No offence to anyone who believes in it, I have nothing against you having it your way, I'm just saying it's not for me.
2007-08-15 06:34:50 · answer #3 · answered by Ricardo P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I definitely wanted to marry my wife. Honestly, I don't know what you're talking about. I wonder what makes you believe anyone thinks he has to get married. Nobody has to get married. It's physically impossible to force someone to marry. Even if a woman said, "Marry me or this relationship is over," it's an ultimatum, but it's still a choice -- he can respond, "OK, then, the relationship is over." I would go so far as to assert that any male who gets married *because* he feels pressured to do so is actually not a man at all, just a boy in a man's body.
I got married because I wanted to be married. I married my wife because she was the person to whom I wanted to be married. I didn't have to do it.
2007-08-15 06:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Disagree. There can be situations in which the man could be forced into marriage, yet it´s no proof of his lack of testicles, but rather proof that his convictions and beliefs differ from most people´s. For example, a guy who was tricked by a girl who got pregnant. If this guy is 100% pro-life and believes a loveless marriage where both parents are present all the time is better for the kid than two happy single parents that won´t be able to be with him as much, then this guy will "chose" (or be forced by his convictions) to marry the ugly woman for the sake of his kid.
2016-04-01 13:21:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
depending on the situation some men do feel the pressure to get married which leads to resentment and later divorce on the other hand many men do eventually want to get married and seek a good woman as a life partner me I will never get married or have kids cause I prefer to be single
2007-08-15 06:30:33 · answer #6 · answered by thegeneral345 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No man HAS to get married. Even if there is a pregnancy involved the man can choose to care for the child outside of marriage. A man feeling as though hes has to get married, in my opinion is a myth or maybe an excuse. I chose to marry my wife as I didn't wish to think of the rest of my life without her.
2007-08-15 06:35:16 · answer #7 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wanted to get married!
I do not believe in setting up a household that is not totally integrated. I wanted to marry the woman that I fell in love with in order that we could share our lives together.
Once we got married and bought our house, we created one bank account and essentially combined all of our things together. We are committed for life and going on five years of marriage we are just as in love and more so than on our wedding day.
Take care,
Troy
2007-08-15 06:32:26 · answer #8 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have no doubt that there are men who get married because they want to. I was certainly one of those.
It's partly about the woman. If it's more trouble to live without her than live with her, it might be time. If you don't like to imagine living without her, it might be time.
But it's also about the guy and his readiness to make a commitment to the long haul.
2007-08-15 06:30:03 · answer #9 · answered by palan57 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my boyfriend & I have been dating for like 7 years and we havent got engaged or anything...we live together most of the time and its good...just because u love each other and u know that u belong together doesnt mean u have to get married. It is your decision & if u and your partner is ok with not getting married u should do what u feel is right. good luck!
2007-08-15 06:32:08 · answer #10 · answered by nashvillekat 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋