My War.
The crimson tears,
The crystal blood,
The wasted years,
The wasted love.
A Purple Heart,
The scars that show,
For a brand new start,
You need to go.
The battle crys,
Of you and me.
The hardend eyes,
Cant seem to see.
It's over now.
No one won.
Sow your plow,
I'm finally done.
2007-08-15 05:49:08 · 10 answers · asked by Confused 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Sorry on the 3rd verse. Its cries, not crys.
2007-08-15 05:55:28 · update #1
I think you did it really well,
You hit the mark and rang the bell.
Your war is over, you have no scar,
I hereby give to you a star.
Well done.
2007-08-15 09:50:25 · answer #1 · answered by Dondi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is pretty good and I see what you were trying to achieve in the third and fourth verses but I do have a few suggestions for you:
3rd verse:
The battle cries,
Of you and me.
The covered eyes
Cant seem to see
4th verse:
It's over now,
No one won.
We've sown our seeds,
I'm finally done
2007-08-15 13:00:04 · answer #2 · answered by Lacey H 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I like it! The rhythm is good, and its line lengths are even. The content indicates resolution and the desire to go on with life. At least that's what I get out of it. Hope that's what your intent was, basically. Good work. Keep it up!
2007-08-15 13:15:10 · answer #3 · answered by gldjns 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting. The meaning greatly changes if you infer that the soldier is the speaker, or if a loved one is the speaker.
2007-08-15 13:00:26 · answer #4 · answered by Brandon F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I enjoyed this also. I also liked the suggestion that Lacey made. Perhaps you guys could collaborate or something. :)
2007-08-15 15:15:32 · answer #5 · answered by mskay125 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a fabulous poem its a simple poem well written with a good meaning
2007-08-15 13:11:25 · answer #6 · answered by MISSKINKY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like it! Good Job!
2007-08-15 12:57:10 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ya, I like it.
2007-08-15 12:57:33 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked it, very well put together. :)
2007-08-15 12:57:26 · answer #9 · answered by thelastpirate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you! lol...lol...lol
2007-08-15 13:27:42 · answer #10 · answered by Mr. "Diamond" 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋