How to find out your husband cheated?

Question

My husband recently told me he wants a divorce, and its because I am taking too long in school (1 year left), and he has no other VALID reason as far as I am concerned. In the recent months, he has helped his one friend move (female) and has done a lot more for her than he has for me, what kinds of things should I look for and how to get the valid truth?

I know divorce is inevitable now, and when we initially married, we agreed we didn't believe in divorce, unless there was cheating or abuse involved. And I know I didn't cheat, as I am the type who loves unconditionally. He was never like this before, she started coming around. How can I know for sure? something that can hold up in court when the divorce goes through?

I have suggested counseling, but he refuses, citing he does not believe in it. The girl he has been helping, is also going through a divorce convienently. Her spouse cheated on her. HE says his mind is made up, just like that. Everyone is probably right, I probably am better off without him, but I have known him for 1/2 my life. We were friends long before marriage. Oh, it just sucks.

Answer 1

saying that you are taking too long in school is bull girl, and you know it. You are getting your education in hopes of making your life better.
That is no excuse for wanting a marriage.. you only had 1 year left.
Him helping out this female friend alot, and doing more for her than he has done for you, is enough suspicion that he is cheating on you.
I suggest you ask him upfront if he is interested in her. If you get along with this female friend, I suggest you ask her also. Tell her that you are not trying to start stuff, but you just want the truth.
He said that he would only want a divorce if there was cheating or abuse involved.. and obviously there is cheating.
Things you can do in court to say that he has been unfaithful is writing down the numbers he has been calling from his phone, especially if it has been a repeated number or a number called late at night, or when he is at work.
Also you can TRY to get a testimony from the other girl. Let her know that you are not using the evidence against her or for any harm, but that you need something to prove that he has been unfaithful as this evidence will make the divorce process go quicker.
Check through bank statements and check for suspicious charges to his account and you can use this in court also.
If all else fails, I suggest hiring a private investigator as a prior writer wrote.
Best of luck for you, and I am glad that you are not putting up with this. You will find you a better man in the future.
Need to talk to me, email me, K?

Answer 2

Your schooling isn't the issue; he wants a divorce because he wants to pursue something with this woman. She likely won't allow it unless he divorces you.

The suggestion to make a date to just talk to her is a good one. Suggest a public place, like a coffeeshop or something. You are not likely to get the actual truth out of your husband; I really think he's lying right now about his reasons for wanting a divorce.

If she shares or confirms your suspicions, then I would say let the divorce proceedings start, especially if it's inevitable, but first consult an attorney. You don't need something that will "hold up in court"; "irreconcilable differences" is as good a reason as anyone ever needs to give. Abuse, cheating, or anything else doesn't need to be proven. Rarely charges are brought for "alienation of affection", but it's been a long time since that happened. Sometimes you can do a no-fault type of divorce where both partners agree on division of assets, but it has to be amicable.

Answer 3

The only thing that holds up in court is hard evidence, i.e. photos, etc. A PI can get that for you, but it may not be worth it. Adultery is not a big issue in court in most states. Talk to a lawyer if you have not already done so. You will need one in a divorce in any case to protect your rights, and he/she can tell you early on how to protect yourself. Early is better than late in this case. Whether he has cheated or not is not really relevant if the divorce is inevitable. Assume he has and move on. Even if he hasn't, it will help you adjust to the inevitable.

But are you sure it is? You both might seek counseling and see if the marriage can be saved.

For him to not want you to finish your degree is a huge clue. Doesn't sound like he loves you very much. Sorry.

Answer 4

You'll never be a 100% sure. Do you really want to know? And he'll never admit it to you either so there is no use trying. And as for getting a divorce, well if that is what he wants then from the sounds of it; it is his loss. If he is cheating then you are better of without him. As long as the both of you can come to an agreement about your assests then as hard as it might be, you need to move on and think about your future, you only have 1 year left so just focus on that for the time being. Good luck at what ever you decide to do.

Answer 5

I think he may be up to something with this "friend". And I think hes just trying to find any excuse he can to divorce you. Im sure your a great woman thats why he has such a pathetic excuse, "too long in school". But why try to hold on to such a loser? He doesnt deserve you. If a man cant support his wifes dream to finish school, then is he a man at all? Let him go. and if you really need to find out if hes cheating due to court reasons, well then thats easy. Hire a investigater. Or if u dont have that kind of money, get a friend and follow him around in a unidentified car he wont recognize. And dont forget to take your camera!!! Tell him say "cheese"!!!

Answer 6

the school thing is ridiculous! ask him flat out he has nothing to loose he already said he wants a divorce. i would think that when he does more for her then he has for you that would tell you something. go and talk to her or call her she what she says. it might not be what you want to hear. and if your already talking divorce just let him go. who cares if he cheated he was not the one for you. don't let your hurt and anger get the best of you. deal with it by counseling, no it was not you it was all him and go on with your life and don't look back you will be in a much better place then him, and she will be next that he cheats on. he has no morals. you need someone better than that, in time you will find that perfect someone. let the boy go! it will be the best thing you ever did

Answer 7

You can look through phone records, if he is calling the same person all the time and hasn't got a valid reason.

Does he go out often and makes up vague stories of why he wasn't home? If so check out these stories, if he says he is at work or at a bar with the boys, get a friend to call his work or go to the bar and see if it's true.

Is he spending more money than usual and tries to hide it. If so look through bank statements it should leave not only a trail of his spending but his movements as well.

It's just common sense stuff.

Answer 8

Cheating won't make a difference in court so getting "proof" won't help your case at all. The reason he is giving you for divorce isn't valid and you know it isn't. Would you rather have him tell you he has met someone else and is in love with her and not with you anymore? Would it make it easier for you? Then tell him that you don't believe his reasons for divorce and although you will be hurt, you would rather know the truth even if it means he has been having an affair.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Yeah the cheaters show sounds like a great idea, or folllow him one day see where he goes and what he does. No one in their right mind would get a divorce because the other person is taking too long to finish school. What kinda crap is that? He's an idiot, he needs to find a better reason than that.

Answer 10

Men are SIMPLE. They want simple things... food, sex, sleep and sports to watch.

All I can say is start collecting copies of any bank, investment, mortgage and 401K statements that come in the mail so you can get half of any accumulated community property and move on.

THEN CALL HIM OUT ON IT.
Ask if he wants to save the marriage and go to a counselor. He knew what you were trying to accomplish back when you got married.
What would you quitting college do to save that marriage if he is screwing around?

It really sounds like he is involved with this other woman.
Can you check cell phone or land line records to see who he is calling the most? There is your evidence, along with his demand for a divorce.