Should I marry again?

Question

I'm 39 years old, been married three times, have one child.

Husband #1: I was 18, young and dumb. Divorced at 22, one child. We split on good terms.

Husband #2: Complete lust, married at 24, lasted 1 year. We split on good terms.

Husband #3: Together 10 years, just my child from the first marriage. Loved him deeply. He left me FOR MY BROTHERS WIFE. I'm still bitter.

Almost 3 years later I'm living with a new boyfriend, together 9 months now. We're both mature, no drama, good communication, many of the same goals. He has no children and mine is now 18.

Should I take the plunge one more time and hope this is the one?

Answer 1

Well, when I first saw your question I thought: Of course, why ever not!
But after reading the story behind it I understand where you're coming from.
9 months is quite a short time isn't it with your history of broken marriage. Maybe you can just live together and enjoy each other's company; Get really used to each other before making that strong a commitment.
You think you know someone and in fact you never do; But, surely your bloke would agree that there's no rush, and when the time is right you will do it. For now, you must be so scared that history should repeat itself. You seem to be so full of insecurities, that It seems to me that it'd be the wrong basis for a healthy marriage.
Wait a bit more, it won't do you any harm, and you'll feel better for making sure that you know your bloke and can fully trust him and yourself for making the right choice.
People make mistakes in life, and sometimes we just tend to repeat them altough we should know better.
Good luck.xxx

Answer 2

After being married three times already, I think you should look at the choices you made in those previous husbands. You also had a role in the failure of those marriages. I know you said that you were young and naive about it when you were younger. You may realize your mistakes and that's good. BUT you have made them 3 times already and that's serious business. That's a bad record and now you're with someone only 9 months and considering/wondering whether or not you should "take that plunge" again ?

My advice to you is that you should WAIT several YEARS before you go down that road again. Yeah, things are good with your new man and you seem to be mature and there's no drama, BUT it's only been less than a year. YOU need to give it a lot more time...you need to care about yourself and have some respect for yourself this time before rushing in. Marriage doesn't bring security to a relationship, so I don't know why you feel the need to marry every guy that comes along. No...THIS TIME you need to be SURE about who you're with and the relationship, and the ONLY way to prove this is to give it TIME, and I mean lots of it !!! Sorry, but that's the only way you'll know that this one will last. See if you can live together for several years and then if your relationship only gets better and you're ready at that point, then take that plunge...years from now.

Answer 3

Marriage is a wonderful institution, and is always worth it. However, it should not be entered into lightly or unprepared. I will say that if you are still bitter about your last marriage, you will carry that into this relationship. You need some counseling to sort out your feelings and get rid of the excess baggage before you enter into another relationship. It wouldn't be fair to either of you to get married under your current circumstances. Living together before marriage increases the chances of divorce by about 50%. I think you should move out and get your own place, if you can afford it. If not, get your own bedroom and stop any intimacy. Such intimate relations are designed to be within the confines of marriage. It has only been 9 months. If you love this person, make sure you are committed for life before you decide to get married. Talk to a pastor at a church and really get the understanding of true commitment and what marriage is really about. Then decide whether or not you want to marry.

I'm sorry if this sounds a bit harsh and old-fashioned. I just believe that society's flip attitude about marriage is ruining the family unit as a whole structure. Please don't take marriage lightly, it's too important and sacred. Thank you for listening. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Is there any reason you have to get married to him? Why not date or be together awhile before taking the plunge again. I would definately wait awhile before taking the plunge again. No offense but it looks like you might have rushed into the first 2 marriages, the 3rd I'm not sure what to say on. I would say maybe down the road think about getting married but after 9 months of dating I think you should wait awhile before taking the plunge again.

Answer 5

It seems like you are marrying each time for all the wrong reasons so it would also seem to me that you need some counseling before you take the plunge again. Find out a little bit more about yourself and why you choose like you do. Your statement about "hope this is the one" says that you have no clue how to look at marriage so you shouldn't until you learn how.

Answer 6

Together only 9 months, take your time. If you question if you should attempt it one more time, make sure and don't rush into it. If either of you have issues from past relationships they will find a way to interfere with the current relationship. Work out your feelings of bitterness over the ex before you even think about marriage again. Talk it over with you partner and give it time. Never get married hoping things will be different unless you have healed yourself enough to know it will be different.

Answer 7

I would highly recommend waiting especially if you have only been together 9 months. Why don't you try some marriage/couples counseling before you get involved in a commitment of marriage. Looks as if you may have some personal marriage problems. It takes 2 to make a marriage work.

Answer 8

I have only been married once, but I think that you need to look deep inside your heart (truthfully) and figure out if this is what you really want. Before you can get remarried though, you need to let go of the bitterness and try forgiveness first. Bringing feelings like that into a new marriage is toxic. It sounds like you are still having bad feelings from hubby#3 - best to deal with those first.

Answer 9

No.

If you are asking then you are not ready. However, it does sound like you are content enough to consider it. Keep the relationship going, fall in love and make him fall in love with you, but don't get married until YOU are sure. Plus sounds you could use some more time to fully and completely trust this guy (since you are still bitter about husband #3).

You will be ready to get married when you are willing to say yes even if everybody else says no... not the other way around.

Good luck, I bet you deserve it.

Answer 10

Yes and I'm sorry about your past but that's what it is, past. Maybe you should both go check out pre marriage counseling just to be assured you are on the same page. You'll be fine and I'm guessing you know what you want and if there are any doubts here, address them so you'll have no regrets or surprises later.
How's your brother handling things now?