ok.. husband dilemma.opening can of worms???:( mature and serious comments only please.?

Question

ok where do i start my husband was caught watching porn. i am really uncomfortable with it.he was extremely sorry. i feel betrayed because he once told me i swear i have never or will ever watch porn behind ur back.he is not turned on by it since he got me.ok that he broke.now since i am trying to open him up to me. i have to tell u guys i cannot change how i feel or what it makes me feel like trying to solve this issue. these things shuld not be coming in my life. but they are.so yesterday i put on porn on tv and start watching with him. first he starts acting weird like telling me to turn it off. he doesn't like it. then i am like why u watn to watch it by urself? then he starts playing with me. like to make me think he is excited by me. i ask him what kind of porn u like he doesn't answer any question i ask him. he says i love u blah blah. but he likes them playing around. and when we were actually doing it his face was toward the tv. and mine too. he was trying to change ...

he started changing channel to different type of porn scene. it pissed me off that he was ***'ing me and worried about watching the type of porn he likes. is it rude and disrespectful or is it me?? inside i am hurt. we been married two years and he never ever went down on me. i mean i never knew how it feels. he always wanted me to give him bj and i did. now since i caught him and i made him watch porn and in there the guys are always u know going down. i asked him if he was watching porn before how come he never went down on me since its in there all the time. and he says i will do it tomorrow for u baby. it just ruined it though for me. wat are ur opinions. i am so hurt. i don't believe anything he says.

lol ronidel geez sumone is up and running to answer thanks

for elva.... if i stick to my decission he will do it behind my back rite. i mean i know all men wil do it no matter what. shuld i let him do that.... i am so lost

Answer 1

He likes porn, he was just saying what he thought you wanted to hear, however you sort of opened this can of worms by putting it on the TV later and insisting he watch it. He probably never went down on you because he's never had to. You have always done what he's asked without reciprocation, so now if you want him to do it, you're going to have to pretty much demand it. As far as him watching the porn when you two were having sex, that one is on you too. You're the one that insisted on having it on, so then he got into it and changed it to what he likes. If you think porn is that bad, then why insist he watch it with you? He liked doing it alone because it was his naughty little secret, now you want him to do it in the open or not do it, you need to make up your mind. He's probably confused as hell, because I know I am.

Answer 2

I honestly don't agree with it. I am old fashioned and I do believe the husband is the head of the household but I don't believe in hitting. I believe that that door should never be opened in a relationship. Men behave like children as well. If this was for fourplay reasons then I would say go for it honey but I have a hard time getting my mind around my husband spanking me and I am not getting pleasure out of it. I do believe you should do whatever makes you marriage work but what works for others may open up a can of worms for you. If it aint broke then don't try to fix it. If you guys are fine the way you are then leave that out. If someone has to convince you to do something or if your doubts are so strong that you have ask others what they think then you may not want to give this a shot just yet. Talk to your hubby. After all he will be the one you enter into this agreement with.

Answer 3

Don't ever, EVER believe a man when he says he doesn't watch porn.

I saw an episode of Sex and the City where this happened. The guy was using the girl's body to get himself off, but being turned on by the video they were watching. Does seem as you're irrelevant in that situation. I mean, it could've been ANY woman he was with. Nothing intimate about that, cause he completely disregarded you. Now the worst part is that he's going to want to do that again, cause IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM. And him not going down on you is ludicrous. Again, it's all about him. Yeah, he's all for a bj, and what man isn't, but I don't know many men that wouldn't go down on their girlfriends or wives. Men actually like that many times more than the woman.

Answer 4

Porn is an addiction like anything else. It doesn't always have to be the partners fault either. In some relationships that partner is happy, but they still feel the need to watch porn and get caught up in it. Yes you do have to admit you made a mistake watching it with him. He felt embarrassed and wanted you to know that yes he still loves you and you turn him on. It was juts the wrong situation and wrong time.

You basically gave the go ahead on watching porn. I suggest if you are against it you put your foot firmly down on it and let him know it is the porn or you?

Porn will ruin a marriage if you don't get hold of it.

Answer 5

The porn watching is normal. Guys, including myself, watch it to get a chance to unload when stressed out, a girl isnt willing or near, etc. Thats normal. But when porn watching becomes overly excessive, like needing to watch it everytime while having sex with you, I would say that is wierd and possibly an addiction.

As for going down on you, I dont know why he doesnt. Make sure you dont smell bad down there because that will keep any man from going south of the border. It could also be related to a bad experience with another woman. Its usually related to smell or the stigma related to the smell as well as the fact that other guys have maybe done their thing down there before him.

Answer 6

honestly, the only way he will stop using porn is if he choses to. you have voiced your opinion, and clearly he looked anyway because he doesnt agree. he lied about it because he clearly knew you wouldnt aprove. the only way he will stop is if he comes to that place in his own heart and mind.

i guess what i wonder is what are you going to do? you can either accept that he does this and move on with him from here, or you can decide you can't stand it and you can move on without him. the problem you face though is that you may find many men that lie and say they dont use it, but i suspect it would be hard to find a man that doesnt use it at least a little now and then. so if you call this a deal breaker, where do you go from here? will you ever know for sure if a man is viewing it or not?

Answer 7

Please deliver the following message to your husband for me:

Dear Mr. Mia D,

You screwed up. No, it wasn't when your wife caught you watching porn, because that was bound to be found out eventually. The point at which you screwed up was when you swore never to watch porn, and also telling your wife that it doesn't turn you on. Assuming you are, like me, a normal man, of course it turns you on! Your fault was in not having the gonads to tell your wife that porn is fun and interesting and that you're going to watch it whether she likes it or not.

I recommend a new deal. Tell her the above, and tell her that she can like it or lump it. Compromise, if possible, but don't give in. For example, if she demands you not do it behind her back, tell her that your understanding of that term means without her knowledge. So, by all means, tell her every single time you go to look at it. If she wants to know, tell her. Personally, I don't see how it would make her feel any better, but whatever floats her boat.

Whatever you do, stop acting like your wife owns your penis. Be a man, and live your life how you want to live it. But also be a man by stopping with the lies. Tell your wife straight out how it's going to be and go from there. No more lies, no more false promises.

Kind regards,

Happy-2

Answer 8

He watches porn most likely because of voyueristic tendancies, or he is looking at things he misses or wants to try.

He probably does not tell you what kind of porn he likes because internally he feels guilty for what turns him on and feels you would be ashamed and shocked by what he tells you.

You should determine secretly what turns him on. Maybe get some erotic stories you can read together. The male anatomy does not lie about what it likes.

Perhaps you should explore your dark side and disclose to him somethings you would like to try. Leave the romantic stuff out. The best thing about porn is its animalistic nature and being about pure lust and sex. Porn and sex can be wonderful, and more so if both people can trust that their innner-most desires can be expressed to each other without being judged.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 9

You have every right to feel hurt and betrayed. A man, especially a married man, ought not to look upon the nakedness of another woman and in doing so and lusting after them, he has committed adultery in his heart. I don't think that you should have watched it with him because that only encourages it all the more and now he may try to blame you if he watches it in the future. Pornography, unfortunately, is an increasing industry in this day and age and people have just accepted it as a "norm". I'm sorry but MAN can have self control and respect for not only his wife but for himself. It's a choice that is accepted. It is definitely UNACCEPTABLE and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. It's not just something that "men do". I know a lot of men who don't. It's a sad excuse. Perhaps you should consider professional counseling. I hope this helps.

Answer 10

sadly this is a common problem among couples, men wanting to watch porn and their wives feelings less attractive and sexual enough for their man. And I as I woman would have a hard time with it also and am honest enough to admit this. This is one problem I have never been able to resolve for anyone. I will say this, men are driven by visual stimulation, are women get offended as they view him watching and getting excited over another woman as some sort of a betrayal. But this is the way it is, what to do to change it, I do not have the answer, just wanted to give my comment.