is a virtual affair wrong in my situation ???

Question

5 yrs bk i discovered my husband had an affair while i was pregnant, thru a video cassette of him and his mistress extracurricular activities . On confronting him he didnt even apologize. For following two very long and hard yrs our marriage was cold like the south pole till things returned to normalcy but are still not the same like before ,they never will be. Meanwhile i find a net pal with whom i just click. Every idea , every thought , every word is spoken in sync with eachother , its like we can read eachothers minds. On occassions i have delibarately stayed away from the net but i feel something amiss. And then i go right back to chatting. He makes me laugh ,which never happens anymore with my husband thou he takes good care of me and our kid. Its like my husband changed in a very odd way after his mistress left him , he is there but not quite there. Meanwhile i miss his old self and in lack of that , i find it hard to resist the easy companionship i find with my net pal.

Answer 1

Having a close friend, live or on the internet, isn't cheating on your spouse. It's your thoughts or actions toward that person that determine if or when you have crossed the line. You should work out the issues with your spouse, one way or another, but you shouldn't be comparing the relationships.

Answer 2

All you are doing is trying to justify another wrong. Perhaps what is missing in your husband is not his mistress, but his wife. If you decided to stay with him and try to make it work, then you need to be fully committed to him just as if nothing ever happened. You are keeping part of you away from him and giving it to this other guy on the net and as long as you do that, things will never get any better between you and your husband, they will stay where they are. Don't think for a second that your husband does not see and feel the distance that you have there. So yes, you are wrong... He was wrong and you chose to stay, so don't be wrong just because you think you can convince yourself it is.

Answer 3

diddo, get a grip on reality sweetie, and not think so high of yourself, you nubris is showing. This guy has been doing this for years, just ask around the office, no he has come in for the kill yet. He has to get and keep you hooedk, then one day as he explain his pitiful wife to you once more, you'll feel sorry and get your fishbutt cook. Don't be so pathetic your married and so is he. Yes, you talk, text and heavy flirt, but he didn't ask you to go on the 12 day vacation did he, nah your delusional behind is at home waisting the qulaity time that you could be spending with you family. Get a real life lady

Answer 4

I can understand why you are talking to another man via the internet. Your husband is not taking your vows of marriage seriously and giving you the love and care you need. I think it is even worse he had an affair while you were pregnant. This takes a real jerk. If you have tried and tried to work on the marriage and it is still not working and he doesn't want to work on it I would leave him and pursue other relationships. Maybe he will learn once you are gone.

Answer 5

Two wrongs don't make a right. You stayed with your husband (good thing cause your child needs two parents) now throw the past out of your mind and make your marriage a happy one! I know it's difficult. I've been in your shoes and couldn't forgive him so my kids paid the price and grew up in a divorced home. Make it clear to your husband that it must never happen again and then spend every day trying to make him the happiest man on earth! If you raise a happy, well adjusted child you will be thankful someday! Good luck! Be strong !

Answer 6

I think that in all of this, you need to realize that you are doing the exact same thing that your husband did to you, thus losing your innocence in this matter...

The facts are that you are both cheating on each other, and are not working to resolve your marriage...

You can:

a) get a divorce, make life extremely hard for your children as they will either be juggled between two feuding parents, or stuck with one, and date/marry a guy that you met via the 'net...

or

b) turn off the computer, stick to your wedding vows and get some marriage counseling to make this work

When it comes down to it, you have to make your own decision...

Answer 7

I think you are in the wrong because you are online seeking and maintaining new relationships when you could be with your husband working on the one you know is having problems. You worked 2 years to get to where you are now with your husband, why stop?
I'm not saying you can't make new friends, but allowing your heart to wander won't help.

Answer 8

people stray because they are not always being fulfilled at home, or at least they dont think so anyway. What he did was wrong, and an affair is an affair, physically or on line. So, heres where your at? Do two wrongs make it right? Youre trying to justify or get us to justify your actions, Bottom line, its all up to you. Just be careful, there are lots of people in standing in line to get hurt here.

Answer 9

So depending upon how far you advance with this net pal where's the harm? Hey...at least you aren't like your moronic husband who not only videos his tryst with his mistress...but leaves the tape lying around for you to find.

What a dope.
Have fun. Talk, chat, cyber away. Screw what anyone else here tells you. If you can control it and keep it at a level you're comfortable with...go for it. Always worked for me.

Answer 10

I'd spend some time in couple's counseling first. It sounds like you are both committed to the marriage. Don't do anything that will wreck it further.