It's been 7 years and I can't get one ex out of my mind. Both of us are married. Pursue or not?

Question

I fell so hard for her. She is the only one that ever made me feel that way. Then I dumped her and broke her heart. Every day since then I have known that my bad Karma was attributed to that. I was too mature in my younger years and thought I was making the right decision. As soon as it happened I knew I decided with my brain and not my heart. It's killing me and I don't know what to do. Every waking moment is thinking of her.

Answer 1

Great question and I have no good answer.

My best friend just got married. The night before the wedding him and I went and talked. He said, if this particular girl walked in to the ceremony to stop it he would. It has been at least 10 years.

Love is a crazy thing. I always say never settle, but you do have wife to think about and I assume that you do not want to hurt her.

I cant tell you what to, but breaking up two marriages isn't the right thing. Maybe try and contact her. See if she is the same person from 7 years ago. That is a long time she may have changed. Who knows, she may still have feelings for you also.

Answer 2

Are you in love with your wife? Is your wife not lovabe enough to let you forget your ex? Do you have kids? How long are you married? Do you know what you are feeling? Guilt! You are guilty that you dumped her, you are guilty that you broke her heart. Is there a basis for the guilt? Or are you just relating that guilt to the so-called "bad karma" you are experiencing now? Do you trust yourself enough that if you decide to close this issue with her by getting in touch with her then this feeling of yours will stop? If so, then go on get in touch BUT only to close what was left hanging 7 years ago. But if your marriage right now is on the rocks - then you are experiencing this feeling because your marriage is not as blissful as you would want it to be. How sure are you that your ex is feeling the same way now? How sure are you that if you did not dump your ex & eventually marry her, your married life would be the blissful marriage that you want? If i were in your shoes, now that you are married, don't you think you have to fix first your relationship with your wife before you plunge to something more complicated? Specially if there are kids to consider. One mistake cannot be corrected by another mistake. Think about it. :)

Answer 3

That's really messed up and you cannot just make the decision to pursue anything because this may be haunting you but probably she is happily married, especially if this was a childhood relationship. Your time to pursue this past relationship was the moment you made the decision and realised it was with your brain and not your heart. I think after 7 years she would have moved on and you need to do the same. This is not fair to your spouse because you should be thinking of her and not someone else. You need to move on and make true to your wife.

Answer 4

john, stop being dramatic. you broke up with her for a reason. you are now creating a fantasy of what you think your life would be like with her versus your life with your current wife. in any relationship, you should never leave one person for another. if you leave your wife it shouldn't have anything to do with your past flame. if your wife is undesirable or unworthy of your love (cause you sound like a real winner) then leave her. but don't do it because you IMAGINE life with someone else will be better. you proposed to your wife, i assume you did that freely and willingly. so, there was something special btwn you two. you are sabotaging your marriage by wallowing around letting your thoughts wander to this other MARRIED woman.

i'm a psych student. try some aversion therapy. put a rubber band around your wrist. every time you think of the other woman, snap the rubber band. really, really snap it, don't half *** it. eventually, you will associate the physical pain with the idea of the other woman. also, imagine that the physical pain will be nothing compared to the emotional pain your wife (children?) and you will feel trudging through a divorce. also, imagine the pain the other woman and her husband will feel (do they have children?) stop being selfish. it's not always about YOU YOU YOU.

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Answer 5

You must develop a respect for the ex's home as well as your own. That ship has sailed. Find ways to focus on your spouse and your own family. Find a strong mentor or form a group of friends to focus on the good things in your life. Develop a mature love for your wife, put her above all else and times will be good. Continue fantasizing or lusting after another and you will surely promote bad times to come. Your legacy and the measure of your character is at stake. Stand for something other than what you think you currently desire. The fantasy never matches up to the reality.

Answer 6

if you are married, then no, you have made another decision and you have to be man enough to deal with it.
It's a horrible feeling to be cheated on.

If you really want to persue this ex, talk to you current wife (before you talk to this other woman). Tell her you are wanting to give her up for the chance that someone else will do the same. Leave and divorce, spend a year alone, then ask the other woman to do the same.

I am sure you will appreciate the disappointment and rejection that your 'mistake' will cause everyone around you.

People want their cake and eat it to, like they are the only one in the world that matters. How will this make your wife feel??

Answer 7

well if its true love and it was meant to be it will be . but how do u know she feels the same way still for u ??? Yea karma is a ***** but how can u be so sure she isn't happy in her marriage now? and y aren't u happy in yours now. Now if u think karma is bad now u just wait until u screw up ur marriage and do that hole thing it will really be awful! I would think that u should not make excuses not to give ur marriage that your in now 100% u owe that to ur wife and if u guys have a family. u owe this to every one not to persue this if u two were single and u happen to run across each other that is different to go for it then but ur not. and if u go past this point nd it doesnt happen then thats life u just gotta say i lost it and its my fault and go on with ur life and just be happy and just thank God that u do hav someone to share ur life and hopefully future with.

Answer 8

Pursue her. Why wouldn't you pursue her and ruin your marriage and maybe hers. I say MAYBE hers because there is a very good chance that she is happy and not even thinking about the jerk that broke her heart 7 years ago.
And women love guys with your high level of rationalization.
"I was too mature in my younger years and thought I was making the right decision." Good one, pursue her.
I'm sure that she is thinking about you day and night, genius.

Answer 9

Nothing to do with Karma. Has everything to do with "you".

Emotions, the past, your drive, all are subject to one thing; "your choice".

You need to choose to do the right thing, and reshift your focus on to your current wife.

Pursue or not? You need to pursue re-establishing trust and love with your wife, sir. Step up to the plate of maturity, and don't let immature emotions run your life.

You STILL have a chance to rebuild a good marriage. Don't blow that chance.

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Answer 10

You broke her heart once, now you want to pursue and ruin her marriage and get into a messy situation with your wife... Don't. Hurting her once was enough, don't do it again. You said you were too mature in your younger years, where did that maturity go?