I checked the history on my computer and found out my husband got up early this morning to watch a porn star on the computer. How many women think this is wrong? I am very upset about it how can I confront him? We have a beautiful 10 month old daughter. Why does he do this to me? It isn't the first time and he's previously promised to never do it again. I caught him before when I was pregnant and when my daughter was only a few days old. I even caught him at work one time watching this stuff. What can I do?
2007-08-15 03:14:54 · 20 answers · asked by Mom to 1 and 1 on the way 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How many women think this is wrong? A lot. However, right & wrong are not determined by vote. It was not wrong. It is legal and harms no one in any way.
I am very upset about it how can I confront him? There is no point in confrontation because he didn't do anything wrong. You only "confront" people about things that are wrong.
We have a beautiful 10 month old daughter. This is irrelevant. The presence or absence of children tends to have very little effect on a man's sex drive.
Why does he do this to me? He did not "do" anything to you. He did something to himself, and you found out that he did something to himself. You seem to be laboring under the delusion that you own your husband's body.
What can I do? You can grow up and realize that you're making a huge issue out of nothing.
Someone above said that a man wouldn't put up with it if a woman did it. I am a man, and I know that my wife occasionally views porn, and it does not bother me in the slightest. She might be looking at it right this very minute while I'm at work and she's at home. If so, it's fine with me because I understand that her looking at porn doesn't "do" anything to me. We have two daughters, and I am happy that her sex drive didn't disappear when they were born, as you apparently wish your husband's did.
If you choose to fight over such silly things as looking at porn, you're going to have a very difficult marriage. As a man who is happily married after 21 years, take it from me: it is crucial to maintain perspective in marriage!
2007-08-15 03:34:05 · answer #1 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Tell him that the worst thing what he did to you was that he promised not to do something and he did it behind your back again. If he can not hold the promises to his closest ones ,he has not got much hope. He does not realizes that what you said he had to take seriously. Tell him, it makes you upset and you want him to stop doing it. He has no control over it and he might as well go and sleep with women, cos he like dirty. He is dirty! There is nothing wrong to watch a porn together though, because somehow it turns you of - not the people who do all the action, but the sex act, I think. Talk to him and if he does not respect your wishes, tell him where the door is and he will start to take it more seriously. Good luck!
2007-08-15 03:45:10 · answer #2 · answered by Lona 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you assume that he's doing this to YOU? Does it dawn on you that the man has a mind of his own and that when he does this, it has nothing to do with YOU? And what does having a 10 month old daughter have to do with it? Does that make him less than a man? If he's promised not to do it and he's still doing it, it's obviously something he enjoys doing. Now that you've "caught" him at it again, you can either confront him, or leave it alone. Understand that your confrontation is only going to stop him from doing it at home--if that.
The man is grown. He has a right to his privacy and if this is what he does in private, it's none of your business. If you stop snooping around, you won't know he's doing it. Furthermore, he's not your little boy, that you should catch him in anything. You may have discovered him watching porn, but you're not his mommy. He's a grown, free man and although he's married to you, he still has the right of privacy. Clean up your house and bake some cookies for your man, instead of trying to control his life.
2007-08-15 03:37:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
at work? he can get fired for that! he broke the promise before? he will break it again unless you give him an ultimatum...you, and your family, or the porn...he's cheating you...by giving into this addiction...don't put up w/ it! It is wrong...=(... so, stand up to him today and tell him if he does it again, you won't be around...and mean it...this is advice a pastor's wife gave me, so I am passing it to you... good luck! and I hope he chooses you and the little baby =) I dumped an ex fiancee' for this...so I know... it was a 7 year friendship/relationship that was not going anywhere until he stopped, and he admitted that it was an addiction... but, since he could not stop, I could not be with him...so, that was that... I just wanted to add that I saw what someone below me added, he said, "it does not hurt anyone, he does it to himself" well, then, why do women feel hurt? or why do men feel hurt? because it's wrong...if you do something that hurts another, it's wrong...and that's that!
2007-08-15 03:21:44 · answer #4 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's natural for a man to look at porn. That doesn't in any way belittle his feelings for you or your daughter. Porn is sex, pure and simple, there is no emotional feeling attached to it. Your husband has chosen to be with you because he sees you as better than all those slutty women. Because of this he probably places you on a pedestal as 'beyond doing this type of thing with', but no matter how much a man may love you, he will still have very strong sexual urges and this is natural. Sometimes he will be more likely to turn to porn to satisfy his urges when a woman is pregnant or has a young child because the womans attention shifts from sex to bringing up the child and this can make it harder for him. Remember that a man can't just turn off from sex in the same way as a woman. He has certain basic sexual bodily factors which need to be dealt with.
2007-08-15 03:43:04 · answer #5 · answered by pamperpooch39 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Looking at porn is an addiction. As well all know, addiction is bad. It's wrong of him to do it on many levels. Especially when he's been caught and asked to stop doing it.
Sit him down and have a serious conversation with him. Be honest and open, without screaming and hollering. Tell him how it makes you feel and that it has to stop.
2007-08-15 03:33:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
From a guy's perspective, I don't see anything wrong with it.
A lot of times, after a child is born (and sometimes during pregnancy) sex drive decreases, sometimes A LOT.
Now, this isn't fair, is it? Of course not. In fact, I have read in some cases (In Canada at least) withholding sex is a form of sexual abuse.
If he is looking at porn to avoid hassling you for a little attention, is he doing something sneaky/dirty or could he be actually doing something considerate?
If you say to him (non accusingly of course) I see that you have been watching some Internet porn again. you know I am not in favour of this. Is there anything I can do to give you what you are looking for on-line?
So, if he wants more attention, expand what you do when you are intimate, are you willing to do that? or if you aren't, is him fantasizing about it really that bad??
2007-08-15 03:27:43 · answer #7 · answered by brettj666 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First of all - not ALL men look at porn. I am SO sick and tired of hearing that crap. That is true for them because that is THEIR reality, not yours. If you have confronted him about it once in the past and he is STILL going behind your back then he's either extremely disrespectful and doesn't give a damn about how his actions hurt you or he's addicted. Make sure he knows that you will NOT tolerate it. So many women turn their heads because we live in a society that tells us it's normal for a man to look a pornography. What they dont mention is how many families a year are destroyed because of it. Put your foot down.
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2007-08-15 03:22:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband use to do that. But he slipped up once, son who at the time was 13 was cleaning out the computer hustory and saw a bunch of pictures. Son showed me, I saved them to a disc. Then husband left names on the desk. He would also go on Lesbian groups and act like he was a woman.
I saved everything I could on a disc. Then wrapped up the disc and names and gave it to him for his birthday.
He put the disc in the computer and saw EVERYTHING. He looked at me and all I said "next time it will be divorce papers"
We have been married for 27 years and he has never done it since.
2007-08-15 03:28:25 · answer #9 · answered by Lynn M 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it doesn't matter how many of us think this is wrong, it's up to you to decide what you are comfortable with. do you want your husband to watch zero porn? that may be a little unreasonable. if his porn habit is getting in the way of your sex life, his work, or your budget (if he's paying to porn site access), then he may have a deeper problem. if he's just watching porn every once in a while, i don't think that's a major issue. sex is sexy by definition. fantasies are typically healthy and normal. are you more upset because you feel inadequate or unsexy?
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2007-08-15 03:23:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋