Stay with me, I'll set you free
Cause I can tell you once were pretty
Rose so sad you've lost your petals
Lost the luster off your tattle tales
I need a love to help me find my way
I need a strength that I cannot betray
What are we waiting for?
Time has lost its hold on me
Hatred sleeps inside my bones
In the stillness of cool air
All the boys have been left for dead
Cause we go where they fear to tread
The beautiful one's the one's we'll remember
The precious one's our greatest pretenders
I need a word to say what I can't say
I need a lover
And if you lose yourself
Could you take me, too?
Could you rest inside the sleep?
Stay with me, I'll set you free from you...
2007-08-15 02:09:13 · 12 answers · asked by abluebobcat 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
When I think of all the anger in the world around me,
one thing makes me happy that it is you, before me I see!
You bring me cheer when in the world there is none,
you make me smile and my sadness is soon gone.
Your never-ending love is so pure and true,
I am ever thankful of a friend I find in you.
Never have you left my side or left me alone,
gentle spirited friendliness is all you have shown.
Your dedication to your friends is very much complete,
you never err away from your loving ways you're so sweet.
I find no faults nor blemish to spoil your heart so true,
you are so loving in all the things that you do.
As your friend I am glad that you are mine,
your loving-kindness is so unbelievably divine!
I am thankful that I in your heart, you are in mine too,
for I have a good friend with the qualities I find in you.
Written by my friend Richard Bates.
I hope you like it
2007-08-15 02:21:12 · answer #1 · answered by tunisianboy46 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The feeling I got was a raw sensitivity but I'm not sure what else to call it . From that sensitivity came a thought. It came in the form of a sub-title or a secondary title that can generally be put in parenthesis next to or below original one. "Thru The Naked Eye." There's a great deal that comes from questioning the obvious. It leads us to a lot of other ideas and theories. There are no ideas or thoughts that can't be challenged. In some ways that what writing is. It's a challenge to understand different perspectives,
2016-05-18 03:07:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poem has promise, but it fails to deliver. You have several good lines, several cliches, and it wanders, unsure of which direction it's going in. Maybe "you" see the reasoning behind each line, but we, the readers, do not. You have several rhyming lines, and several unrhymed lines, but there's no apparent reason for them being one or the other. Poetry shouldn't be accidental. Decide if you're going one way or the other. If you're going to use rhyme to differentiate between one speaker and another speaker, fine, but short of that, pick a style and stick with it.
Your poem will improve with editing...I'd get to it.
keep writing
2007-08-18 04:06:03 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confusing, no punctuation. You know, good grammar, and punctuation makes all the difference. I think you need to learn about styles and techniques used in writing poetry.
2007-08-15 14:30:34 · answer #4 · answered by Gunnvald Härtviksen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a pop/rock song
2007-08-15 02:31:47 · answer #5 · answered by progressive scan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little difficult to read in the middle, but the end pulls it off!
2007-08-15 03:24:39 · answer #6 · answered by Dinosaur 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get someone to set it to music - by comparison with some of the lyrics around it should be a hit
2007-08-15 02:17:48 · answer #7 · answered by Spanishscotty 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It was okay but i got kinda lost in some parts
2007-08-15 02:17:10 · answer #8 · answered by bris 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go and have a long hot scented bath.
2007-08-15 02:18:17 · answer #9 · answered by Rick J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear
2007-08-17 02:25:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋