My wife has had an affair and is leaving me and my son. Is there any chance of rescuing the situation?

Question

Things haven't been working for a long time, and until this happened I guess I wanted out too. But now shes gone, I realise what I had. She rings me at least twice a day and I get numerous texts. She keeps saying things like 'I might come back in a couple of weeks with my tail between my legs'..
Do you think there's a chance of rescuing this - its been 13yrs, I feel it deserves another go.. what do you think?

Answer 1

My advice to u, is to stop letting her string u along.. and thats exactly what she's doing with the phone calls and text messages.. i personally, would tell her that the door is open for a try at reconcilliation until the divorce papers are signed, but id cut her off from communicating with u , just let her talk to ur son, and be real short and sweet with her and dont answer her text messages.. 1 of 2 things will happen here.. she will either go crazy with the thought she's losing u even more and stop playing these games of "in a couple of weeks" or she will just go on with her plans of divorcing, and if thats the case then she had no intentions of coming back in the first place.. She's giving u false hope right now, and if she loved u and she wanted to make a go of this she'd be back, instead she's using u as a security blanket while she tests the waters of being single.. and the fact that she left her son behind with u, speaks volumes.. she will not be able to get custody of your son if she thinks that she will fight for him in the divorce, because she is the one that left and a judge will not take a child out of a stable environment.. so she just majorly messed up there.. and i have no pity for a woman that choses her "freedom" over her children.

Answer 2

I think if she is the one who had an affair and then the one who left as well, then she is definitely taking advantage of you. At present she is probably taking a much deserved break from your relationship, however this should be a mutual break and you both should have sat and agreed on this yet she left you and her child and you don't know what she could be doing right now (probably enjoying her 'affair' and not wondering much about it since you already know). I think she will come back to you after she has had her fill out there because I don't think she has any intention of giving up on your relationship because she has invested too much time in it. Her comment of 'I might come back with my tail between my legs' is just a comment made to make you feel that she is probably thinking things through and she realises her mistake and wants to come back but I reaaaaaly don't think that she's doing much soul searching right now. Has she even apologised to you as yet? I mean genuinely! It is up to you if you want to make it work or not but just remember that if you do decide to take a second chance at this relationship she needs to get tested for HIV/AIDS and there may very well be a chance that she would continue to do what she is doing now!

Answer 3

13 years is a long time and living in reality we all know love and life can get a little stale without a concerted effort on both parts. However , she seems to be thinking it is OK to go off with her knight in shining armour and you will be there waiting..... when she has had enough fancy food and wants her bread and butter.

The problem with affairs is that it is difficult to think of that person without imagining what was done , where, how etc and ultimately it can drive you insane.

This behaviour of hers has violated TRUST and that doesn't come along easily and although you may forgive and repair the damage - the scar will always be there

Would you be able to deal with the jealously and frustration of imagining her with the other guy? Every time something goes wrong will it be dragged out and thrown in her face? If she is late home from work - what will you be thinking? If she goes away on business - will you believe her?

The choice is yours - just be sure you are making the right decision and you can live with it

Good luck

Answer 4

My question is, what kind of woman would walk away without her son, and have the affair in the first place? She is not worth it and you need to realize you will never have trust in her again and what kind of relationship is that going to be? You said it wasn't working out and you wanted out also, so i am thinking you are just use to the idea of having someone in your life, after all it has been 13 yrs with this person. I believe you need some time yourself to re-evaluate the situation and ask yourself if you want someone to use you the way she has, and really she may be back in a couple of weeks with her tail between her legs??? I would say no chance and get on with your life with your son. You Both have been betrayed. Hope things get better for you, and good luck.

Answer 5

After 13 years a relationship can get stale and both husband and wife can take each other for granted. Theres no point in trying to go back if things are only going to end up the same. The only way to go back is if you're going to make sure things are different, and that they will stay that way. Either way isn't easy, but I have to be honest, I think sometimes people marry for the wrong reasons in the first place so eventually the marriage is doomed to faliure. Look at where you have both been going wrong in your relationship. You need to start opening up to your wife and tell her how her actions sometimes make you feel, and where you feel you could have been more attentive. Maybe then she will see that leaving you has had a big enough impact on you to change the course of the relationship.

Answer 6

NO. Stop being a thermometer. Each time you consider taking her back, you are reflecting her mood and impulses. Be an individual, a man, and a father. You will be happier and much healthier without her negative influence in your lives.

This is your chance for freedom from a self-centered person.
This is your chance to provide your son with a healthy and drama-free home.

He will adjust to the new lifestyle, probably better than you will.

Do not respond to her texts. Do not believe her flippant comments about "possibly coming back." This is a test of your self-respect, confidence, and mental health.

Make the choice, to be a divorced father. Raise your son and do not focus on the past. Improve your futures.

Years from now, your son will grab you, hug you, and thank you. It takes a real man and a devoted father to make the difficult choices. Demonstrate this for your son.

Answer 7

Been there. Been married 12 years, he cheated about 3 years ago. I chose to stay because we have 2 kids and it would crush our daughter to not have our daddy there. But I have to admit I'm not happy and haven't been for a long time. The trust will never be the same. It has taken a real tole on our relationship. I think about leaving after the kids are older. But then its hard because you've been together for so many years. I guess I'm a bit like you, not really knowing what to do. I asked my friend, is this what forever is, he, being divorced himself said "It doesn't have to be darling." I think that statement hit me harder than he will ever realize. You have to really do some soul searching and think out every angle, think about how someone who's been there for 3 years is feeling, and do what you think is the best for you. Just hope you don't regret it. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear that- its always bad when a marriage ends and it hurts like hell. There is a chance to rescue it providing you are both willing to work really hard at it. However, if she is still seeing the person she had an affair with and is only testing to see if it works with him and is keeping in you reserve then you have to ask do you want her back? Also you need to wonder if she is staying away to get her head straight, or to teach you a lesson to make you miss her. Why not arrange a date with her, take her out to dinner and calmly discuss the issues and see what happens. Maybe then some marriage guidance wouldn't go amiss. Good Luck

EDIT- I like Flagger Guys advice- sounds good to me.

Answer 9

Tell her the door closes in 24 hours.
Either get her @ss back home or stay away.
DO NOT allow her to have an extended fling and come back like nothing is wrong.

I'll tell you that my wife pulled this kind of game 25 years ago.
Once I found out what she was up to and she called and said she wanted to stay another two weeks she was told be at the airport for your ride or you do not have a home to come back to. She was also told all her belongings would be found at her mother's. That was the start. You must immediately remove her option of coming back on her terms.
Its time for you to man up here. I know this hurts and she is so out of control.

It is time for her to comprehend that she has hurt you to the core and that she is out of options. This is her own making.
The next time she contacts you tell her that the only thing that you want to hear is that she is coming home tommorow. If she cannot tell you that, tell her DO NOT CALL, DO NOT TEXT, YOU ARE DEAD TO ME.

Hold firm and do not waiver. You need to take charge and quit letting her use you and further. She is attempting to leave her options open. These are options which are not in your best interest. she either has to figure out what she has lost or you will never get her back.

It is possible to get this marriage back on track and move forward again. That is a whole different set of circumstances.
You must start with putting your foot down and putting severe limits on what you will accept starting NOW. Fist and foremost give her the ultimatim. Get home or stay away but your time has run out.

Take care of your kid. Take care of your house ( and boat).
Give her the word her time has run out and you don't want to hear from her. If she comes to her senses she may come home. If not, and you have to be prepared for that option, get on with your life without her. Today, you have to assume she is not coming back and treat her with the total lack of respect that she deserves.

It probably would not hurt to contact the lawyer and start the paperwork first so you can assure that she does not get any posession of the home or marital property. She has abandoned you AND HER CHILD! Make sure that this is recorded somewhere. You may need this information later.
Document her affair and abandonment.

email me if you wish.

As for a reconciliation, it can happen but any discussion of those terms is premature as long as she is living elsewhere.
The first step is that coming home with that tail between her legs.

Answer 10

She's testing the waters with what she is saying - she wants to know if you'd have her back if things don't work out for her. You want to tell her that if you do LET her come back, there would have to be some ground rules. You set some time aside to talk. I mean talk properly, not in the car, or while your watching TV - proper sitting facing each other with no other distractions. Air any grieviances, why did she go - have you been taking her for granted? Help more around the house if she works full time too, go out on a proper 'date' with her, but also tell her she's got to earn your trust again. Good luck