We both work full time. I pay all the bills and I clean the house... although I've already gotten to the point where i stopped picking up after him, but he can't even pick up after himself. And plus he ruins everything I put together presuming i touched one random thing of his and put it in my things. He'll tear the house apart when he's lost something and not put anything back. Plus if he loses it for good he shrugs it off and buys a new one, still continuing with his ways. It's embarrassing and I can never have friends over after work anymore because I don't know what type of mess he's left that day. I've honestly stopped trying with him and he just lets everything go... pass the mold stage and everything. I've sat down and tried to explain how one thing leads to another when its a mess, and he didn't want to listen... so any ideas?
2007-08-15 00:57:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes it is embarrassing, when i have to say- oh sorry there's nowhere to sit, just move that pizza box with the flies flying around it, don't worry about that moldy ice cream in the corner, just try not to breathe too much. I've scooped a path on the floor for you, wow i haven't seen my carpet in days!
2007-08-15 01:21:29 · update #1
yeah he invites his friends over all the time and they contribute to the mess, they mention how dirty it is and he says he works too much to clean.
2007-08-15 01:27:58 · update #2
Invite his friends over and embarrass his butt!!! My husband was the same way and he would never have his buddies over. So I decided to invite them and let them see what he was really like. It seemed to embarass him when I made comments like, "oh, let me move some of his stuff so you can sit down" or " I'm sorry, I just cleaned off the coffee table but it seems to have gotten cluttered again by some mysterious reason". I could tell he was uncomfortable while they were here and after they left, I explained to him that if he'd pick up after himself that this wouldn't happen. It seemed to work. He would leave his dirty clothes were he'd take them off, and when he went to wear them again, they would be laying exactly where he left them. I explained that I only wash whats in hamper, so he started to pick them up. This worked for me but no two men are alike. Think you just have to do a trial and error on him to find what will work for yours.
2007-08-15 01:26:24 · answer #1 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm interested in knowing this...never could get either of my husbands to do so. And the once or twice they'd actually vacuum the floor they'd act like they should receive a medal.
[by the way, they didn't do anything besides work, no yard, no take the car in for oil change, nothing--while my income was the same if not more than theirs, so that couldn't be used as an excuse]. My house is A LOT neater now that its just me and my baby girl. And it only takes about two hours to go through the house every Saturday a.m. to get everything cleaned-much easier without all the picking up after a man.
2007-08-15 08:10:31 · answer #2 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He's never going to really pick up after himself. As long as he feels you will do it eventually he will let things stay a mess. When you say you talk to him did you talk or yell. You have to stop picking up after him and let it be. He will eventually get to the point of picking up after himself and cleaning but it will take him time to catch on that it's his mess. I use to have the same problem and now I don't. I literally stop picking up after my husband. I won't even remove his dinner plate from the table, I'd leave it and he'd find it the next morning. He got to the point of saying it's a mess in here or who made this damn mess. I'd point out that it's his clothes and I guess either he did it or someone else wore his clothes and left them laying around. It's a slow process but you have to ignore the mess and his unnecessary spending to replace his misplaced items. You can also make small messes too and leave them once he sees things are really getting out of hand he will pitch in and help clean up. My husband will even vaccum and clean the bathroom now.
2007-08-15 08:20:49 · answer #3 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ever thought about quitting your job or cutting back on your hours. This would free you up to take care of you home more or if you both work hire a maid. Bottom line is that men expect the woman to take care of the house, just like there are other things women expect the man to take care of. Neither of you are playing your "traditional roles" so you are pretty much stuck with it. You married a slob and you won't change him...find a way to deal with it.
2007-08-15 10:39:16 · answer #4 · answered by hooahwife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but you get no sympathy from me. I am a bit old fashioned and it is your responsibility to clean the house. I worked full time before we had children and I still cleaned the house. His job was and still is the yard, cars, and trash. But not the house. If you don't want him tearing the house apart you help him look for his lost items. When he is done eating take his dishes to the sink and rinse them. No he is not a child and I understand that you work hard but that is the role you took and if you don't like it tough. He isn't going to change. And if you absolutely refuse to clean up after him than delegate yourself a spot in the house that he is not aloud to go keep it clean and when you need some sanity go to your clean room.
2007-08-15 09:40:09 · answer #5 · answered by Trisha 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get a grip. It's embarassing and you can't have friends over? Oh please, give me a break!! If you tell him that, he'll probably just make a mess because your so damn uptight he can't help but spite you. I know that's what I would do!
Just sit him down and tell him that you need him to clean up after himself. Never clean up after him. You should have known how he lived before marrying him. You're obviously a neat freak while he's a bit more carefree and relaxed. Don't expect him to go all OCD for you, but surely he can do a minimal to keep the peace, but it sounds like it never will be good enough for you. If you are constantly nagging about needing everything in it's right place, don't be shocked when he stops doing things all together.
By the way, what's wrong with replacing something that is lost? Wow! Poor guy.
I think you need counselling to learn to lighten up, let your house look lived in and get over your neatness issues. You're not right in the head. Your husband should be asking how to get his wife to relax.
2007-08-15 08:15:34 · answer #6 · answered by skunk pie 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
We both work full time. I pay all the bills and I clean the house...
NOW.......that first line in your question already told me what kind of person you decided to marry and now you want change.
You won't get change by doing it for him and you won't get change by asking him to do it.
Some people just like to live messy and others take advantage of your kindness.
Seem to me that you should become the Goddess of predominant actions.
Tell him a riddle and give him ideas that keeps his mind focused on a reverse pyschological move here.
Maybe you can get him to realize in a very nice way that helping keep thigns clean is healthy for you and him.
For example,,sneezing is a sign
If you use clorox bleach to wipe your kitchen down, why not ask him to help you one day use that bleach and help you clean your kitchen. Sooner or later he will get the drift and decide to help you keep things clean especially if he loves you and cares about your feelings.
2007-08-15 08:23:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow up or get out....he needs to act like an adult to be married not some teenage boy who thinks mom will clean up after him. Please...either he leaves or you do..why should you live like that.....you have a husband not a child and you are not responsible for him. His parents had the job of raising him not you.
2007-08-15 08:36:51 · answer #8 · answered by chris d 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cant believe what trisha said!! thats a bunch of ****!!! he is a grown man, not a child and can pick up after himself!! your not his damn mother! i have the same problem with my husband as well. i have a 1 yr old, a 3 yr old, and 3 cats and myself that i need to clean up after, i dont need another ADULT to clean up after. he's not disabled. and Im a stay at home mom and it still pisses me off when grown men act helpless.
2007-08-15 13:34:48 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Tessa♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs counseling, take him to a local therapist.
Have him feel ashamed of the mess he created.
It's like child behavior modification.
When children's don't listen and do same things then what would you do ? manipulate ... Yes .... conversation is not working then manipulation is next step to have the way you want.
it will work.
2007-08-15 08:13:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋