If you were me, as a good looking, sexy, attractive 28 year old woman , would you stay in a no-sex marriage withouth an affair or the thought of divorce?
My husband refuses to have councling, denies there is a problem, no need for medication and closed door to the subject of sex.
For me sex is very very important, it gives me life, energy, and power to go on dealing with the challenges. I just love it full stop, it's the greatest fun and pleasure. But at the same time, I have always had that belief that when you marry, you shall never cheat or divorce no matter what. But after 2 years of no-sex marriage, I have just lost my confidence, ambitions, always down and think about sex and remembering how great I was feeling when I had it before meeting THIS guy. Basically I can't cope any more.
Would you leave to satisfy your needs, or would you stay unhappy for some religious faith?
Why I married this guy? Because we had a long-distance love relationship for 10 years before marriage!!!!
2007-08-15 00:54:29 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have a right to be happy. If he is refusing to get counseling or any kind of help to fix this problem, what else won't he do for the sake of your marriage? Don't cheat - regardless. Get yourself a divorce lawyer. I refuse to believe God would want you to stay in an unhappy marriage - He wants us to be happy. Sometimes you have to buck the system and do what's right for you as an individual, even if it means going against your belief that once you're married, you stay married. (I'm Catholic so I know all about that guilt but like I said, I refuse to believe God would want me to be unhappy just to stay married.) Good luck to you! Hope it works out.
2007-08-15 02:09:15 · answer #1 · answered by Empress1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At my age, a marriage without sex is not a problem because I have a very strong love relationship. At your age, I could not have handled it.
Your comment on a 10 year long-distance "love" relationship before marriage may well point out part of your problem. Long distance relationships just don't work, and you didn't indicate if you had any relationship close up before the marriage to enable you to get to know each other. In a long distance relationship you can fool yourself into believing something is there that is NOT actually there.
Your husband feels threatened by the concept of counseling, which is unfortunate, but that's HIS choice. It doesn't mean that you should not go. Go to marriage counseling alone! You need to find out what YOU contribute to the marital problems. You can't fix him, but you can learn what you need to know about yourself and if you have any problems YOU need to deal with.
You do need to understand if you had a valid basis for marrying him in the first place. I cannot tell if you EVER had any sex in your marriage. You say you loved him, but if your only contact was long distance, that might have all been an illusion and wishful thinking. If you married at the end of a 10 year long distance relationship without any real time together in person, then you may be in love with what you THOUGHT he was, rather than the real him!
Please do not have an affair. You need to NOT add to your problems. It makes them harder to solve.
If you are Catholic, I can tell you that an annulment may be possible if your marriage was based solely on a 10 year long distance relationship because neither of you REALLY knew each other, and if you've never had sex since your marriage, or little to none, it may well be that he was not capable of making the commitment to marriage.
2007-08-15 02:28:07 · answer #2 · answered by Nedra E 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sex is very important for a healthy marriage otherwise we all might as well stay as platonic friends forever ......so leave him !! Sorry for this bluntness but the only reason your relationship before marriage worked was becoz of the long-distance otherwise you would have discovered it sooner and perhaps not married him at all !!! U have already suffered forced celibacy for two years and the court of law says " just six months " . U should be able to get a divorce without any problems. And this could also mean that you may be deprived of kids in future. Do you really want that ?? Act while you have time on your hand.
2007-08-15 02:04:13 · answer #3 · answered by smashingdelite 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband not having sex with you for two years is totally unacceptable, unless its for a medical reason and if so he should take medicine if needed and desire to be with you. Sex is not the most important part of a relationship but it certainly is important and a big part of intimacy. Is there a big age difference? Hard to say because I don't know him or the details of your relationship. The fact that you had a long-distance relationship 10 years before he married you, could mean he has an issue and is afraid of real intimacy or it could be something else. Has he ever cheated on you that you know of? Could he possibly be gay? I'm so sorry for your situation. When you bring the subject up what is his excuse? It's really hard to say but if he is not giving you the sex/intimacy you need and he is not willing to get counciling, he is very selfish and you should not stay in an unhappy, unfulfilling sexless marriage. Don't cheat, file for a divorce.
2007-08-15 01:22:06 · answer #4 · answered by maryv2013 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with him and tell him what you have said here. Let him know that this is a big problem and that your needs are not being met. Let him know that the no sex for 2 years has run its toll on you and that something needs to be done. Tell him that you love him but you have had enough. I am not a fan of giving anyone ultimatums but maybe that is what he needs to finally realize that hey there is a real issue here. If he still refuses to believe that there is a problem and refuses to try and do anything about it, then I would leave. It is better to go than to have an affair. Marriage is not one sided and both parties should be meeting eachothers needs.
2007-08-15 01:05:18 · answer #5 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I respect you for your openness and honesty - and for your perseverance. Since you mentioned religion and it seems to be important to you - and I personally think that is a good thing - if your husband will not pursue counseling, you still can. Call a counselor. Call your clergy member. Someone you can trust. It would not hurt to call a doctor, let a doctor discuss possibilities with just you. But in the end, you must decide if you have to stay in a very unhappy marriage with a husband that is unwilling or unable to meet your needs - and is not even willing to try. I do wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you - and for your family.
2007-08-15 01:16:00 · answer #6 · answered by vegasrob89118 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you marry him because he is LOYAL? I hope it is LOVE. Loyalty will not last forever, but if you are married now, you must have a solution for the rest of your life without CHEATING, try to create a romantic environment, ask him for dinner, make him talk what the problem is. Maybe he is afraid to let you know that he has some sorry to say, diseases or cannot have child. I think it's better for you both to have a heart to heart talk, bring old memories, candle light. And have you ever tried aromatherapy that can make you feel romance. You can YM or email me for future conversation. So COMMUNICATION is the best way to a marriage.
2007-08-15 01:29:17 · answer #7 · answered by anwar.tirta 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am so sorry for you honey .... i think ur husband has some problem .... why dont u take him to a doctor ... dont let him know that u guys are visiting a doctor ... ask the doctor abt this .... may be the doctor will help .....
sex is really important...i agree...
i really respect u for wat u said ... "But at the same time, I have always had that belief that when you marry, you shall never cheat or divorce no matter what. But after 2 years of no-sex marriage" ....
why don't they make women like you anymore ???
life without sex is no life at all....specially after marriage .....
2007-08-15 01:04:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He might drink to much, or does he smoke those can be a factor, plus older age is getting to him he is not 20 anymore. But if he is a perfectly healthy man He should give it to you at least once a week. I believe a lot of woman exaggerate and do get it. But if you can't stand it, its your choice. But pushing him is not attractive, men like to feel some sort of power or like he is taking it. Plus some guy's get sick of the long sex after a while when they know where its going to lead. I would never cheat, But I would get a divorce if I had to.
2007-08-15 01:06:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd rather have life without sex just because music means so much to me. But realistically speaking, this world would not survive without sex lol
2016-05-18 02:50:22 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋