my partner used drugs for years and now is clean, people wont let him move on.any advice??

Question

My partner used substances for years from using speed and exctasy in the old warehouse party days to having a serious habit with crack and heroin. He decided to get clean before we met and did succesful detox and left behind his old life to complete a course on counselling kids not to go into drugs and crime. The thing i hate is the fact that people still class him as a user and stigmatise him even though long clean and we are both in profesions now (im a nurse) I hate having to explain all the time that he is a decent person and wonderful partner who does not drink, smoke or use drugs when the people judging are worse themselves. any advice? We are both in our early thirties. He gets very upset people wont let him forget what he was and hated and move on.

Answer 1

I feel for your partner...
You can't change what others will do, but you can change how you react to others. If you could help him shift his reaction (which kind of indicates that he hasn't really forgiven himself entirely) I bet it would have a positive impact.

There is a phrase I really like, "Life isn't a snapshot, it's a moving picture." We aren't just one thing, and we have periods in life. Plus, your partner's bad experiences are exactly what makes him who he is now. His experiences make him stronger and more interesting - he survived a lot and learned more than many other people, and he learned it the hard way.

If he can embrace his past as a blessing and use it to bolster his self-esteem and feel good about himself, the comments of others would roll off and eventually stop altogether.

It's also really important that you see his past in a positive light as well.

Answer 2

He caused his own grief with his choices.
What were people supposed to do when he was a drug addict? Applaud his behavior????
It is a proven FACT that crack is NOT addictive, although heroin IS he still made the choice to do it, likely knowing the outcome.
I lived with a crackhead alcoholic for 11 years, and he would change. Yeah, until the next time he wanted to get high and everything in my house dissapeared, and I was hospitilized a few times.
He is now 40 years old, works but pays no child support, has no car, no home, no phone, NOTHING!!!!
Just wait until you see how people REALLY treat you because you defend him, and protect him, and he goes back to his old ways. You will look like a FOOL, and you wont be trusted either.
How many times has he been "clean" before? Im sure this isnt the first time. That is where the lack of trust begins.
Okay, so here is my advice.......
GET OUT before you have NOTHING including your dignity.
You will only be the partner of a crackhead.

Answer 3

Get him to read some free ebooks on trans4mind a few pages in the book Emotional Intelligence, then you will see how the last shall be first. You may not have to explain to honest hearted people and the rest of the people should be easier with the fewest possible words, if you've got the tools. It should put some fun into the whole thing also.

Answer 4

Instead of stigmatizing your partner, they should use him as a Poster Child as what can happen if you clean up! Your partner is an example to be used. He will never have a clean History but he can use that history too help others. He should be ALSO counselling people in hospital detox. and rehab centers. He KNOWS what these people are going through. He's been there - done that. Who better to counsel these people? Patients are more likely to listen to someone who has been there rather than someone who is book learned.

Answer 5

I understand he's different now, but, listen to my story. I knew this guy who was an addict of cocaine and weed. He stole from everyone he knew, even his own wife and mother! His wife ended up divorcing him. He even sold all the furniture in the house the one day to support his addiction. Noone trusted him...he lied and lied and lied, and when he said he was clean, he really wasn't. This man eventually died...=(...at the age of 39, I believe, somewhere around there. Then, he was supposedly clean for awhile, but, still had the weed habit. Once trust is broken, it takes a longgggggggggg time to earn it back. I understand every case is different, but, remember what these people went through who were screwed over by this guy I knew. I had a baby at the time he stole from me =(... Just be patient with these people.

Answer 6

Aw, people are the worst hypocrites, aren't they?
Hmm, well just tell those people how hard it is to get off drugs and start a new life, once you've been addicted. He should be at least accepted for that, that's an effort within it's self.
I have family members who have been addicted for years and just can't become completely clean.
And, he's also, using it to help others so point those two things out to people next time they make a rude remark.

Answer 7

I have learned that people will associate or classify others that admit mistakes as being "another one of those" and he owes knowone a explanation for anything.He made it a personal goal to move on from his pain and because he does it for a job is great! But i wouldn't talk about it with people in general because most people don't feel the need to change and they use others lifes trivias to capitalize on in orders to make their selves feel better. This is a subject he has turned around and to be proud of and I would't let anyone take that away from me.

Answer 8

Some people love to talk about others mistakes in life because they can't face their own. He should be proud of himself and chalk these people up as ignorant, and so should you. Let them live in the past while the two of you look toward a bright future. Congratulations to him for conquering a big demon!!

Answer 9

you cannot convince them, nor should you!

i definitely can understand why you want it (been there myself) but it is a waste of time.

it has to grow, and if it doesn't: more of a loss to them then to you! (you have beaten it, they still have to beat their own wrong (but understandable) conclusions)

it takes much more to stay clean then to judge on something you never have done yourself (and ALL those people haven't)

stay clean, try to ignore it, and hold on to the fact that YOU succeeded in beating the addiction!

....and wait (i really hope they don't come into tha same situation) till some of those people end up with an addiction, and you being there who does not judge them....

(if you have more questions - message me)

Answer 10

He is your partner so unless these people are very important (as in family, in which case should be supportive) maybe instead of having to defend him, forget these people and get them out of your lives.

If that's not possible, ignore their comments. Let them live in their own world and believe what they think to be true. You know what you know and they are missing out on the wonderful person he is, don't waste your energy trying to prove it to people that do not want to listen. They will eventually see the person you do and if they don't that is their problem.