Found out my in-laws are swingers....my son went to stay with them in another state for a week...?

Question

we later found out they had been "swinging" in the pool with kids asleep in house....what do i do?

Answer 1

don't let them over there ever again, and that's that

Answer 2

I have two points to make here.

1) Just because they happen to be swingers does not automatically mean that they are bad parents or caregivers.

2) The fact that they made their lifestyle a priority over their grandchild's emotional well-being and your trust in them to do that, DOES make them unfit.

For the record, it is generally frowned upon to engage in swinging while there are children on the premises, asleep or not. I know that this was NEVER a question for my husband and I. We ALWAYS sent the kids to Grandma's place for the whole weekend if we were going to entertain friends. After all, they are virtual strangers, and we do not want ANY risk involved when it comes to our kids' well-being. All it would take is someone getting up for a glass of water... A rather scary thing for a kid to happen to run into a naked person in their kitchen in the middle of the night, no? No, we just avoid this scenario entirely.

I'm not impressed by your in-laws' lack of common sense and their callousness. I was going to say that this borders on dishonesty with you, but considering that they likely hoped you would never need to find out about it, it crosses the line. Normally what they do would not be your business, but when they have someone else's child in their care, THAT should be their priority, and they should be conscious of the trust that you put in them in that capacity. They fell pretty far short from what I can tell.

It may be uncomfortable, but I suggest that you tell them what's up. Don't get mired down in your opinion of their personal sex life. Focus instead on the REAL concern: that they should have either cancelled their play-date with their friends, or they should have told you that they were unavailable that night. There is no excuse for this at all. Let them know that you are very upset with them for their thoughtlessness and carelessness, and now you have to deal with explaining to your son exactly what it was that he saw without damaging his relationship with his grandparents. As of now, they're on probation. It'll be a long time before you'll let your kid(s) stay over there again, as they've really broken your trust.

Let them stew on that a while. Don't shut them out of your lives, though; it's not worth that. But when it comes to kids, there's no need to apologize for acting like a mother bear with her cubs.

Answer 3

I would be very tempted to confront them about this. This is your child - not theirs and they have no right to conduct themselves in a way which is offensive to you, your spouse or your children. They can do what they want when no one is around but you entrusted your child to their care. You don't say how old your son is but obviously he is old enough to understand what he saw and something like this could have a profound long lasting effect on him. Make sure you have an accurate story of what actually took place. Understandably, you may not want to talk about it so there is nothing more to be done except to never let your children stay over night or spend time at their place unless you are there. They can't be trusted with your child and should lose the privilege of having him visit.

Answer 4

So here is the question, if the kids were sleeping how did you find out about this?

Their lifestyle is there own business. It only becomes your business IF they expose your kids to it. Guess what, it is the same if it was your parents and the kids were to witness them having normal married sex.

the problem is not swinging it is exposing children to sexuality of any sort until they are much much older.
It is not much different, your having sex while they are sleeping.

If the kids were in fact sleeping what does it matter?

Answer 5

Do not allow them to have the children without supervision. Unless the kids were harmed in anyway, there is not much else you can do. It is their life, but they should never expose children to that type of behavior.