love affair - To marry or not?

Question

I was in love with a girl. We both like each other. But a few years back, the girl liked one of my friend and my friend knows that. Now she likes me as we are in love. Please let me know if I would face problems after marriage as my friend knows she liked him. Let me know whether it is a good decision to marry her. I'm very possessive and I don't like my wife to flirt with other guys.

There is not enough time to decide and hence im seeking help. The girl's parents are keen on geting the girl married. They are not aware of our love. The fact that the girl liked my friend haunts me

I have grown more suspicious these days about her liking other guys. She liked my friend as he was handsome. how can any girl dislike a guy just because she is now in love with other guy?

She even liked my cousin who is handsome. Now she says she don't like my friend and cousin. I feel she says just to convince me to marry her. Since im possessive about my wife, im confused. (Even if my question seems childish, pls provide ur suggestions)

Time is fleeting and I've got to take decision. Shall I ditch her or marry her. I don't believe that her attraction towards my friend would have faded

Answer 1

Rohan, you have no right to hold this girl's past against her. Are you telling us that you have never done anything in your past that you regret or would change? If you really LOVE this girl, who she had a crush on or liked in the past is of NO consequence to you. Your possessiveness and problems with her having liked your friend or cousin in the past is NOT HER FAULT, it is YOUR LACK OF CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF!

Get a grip, she LOVES you. That is more than any superficial crush from her past. If you are not man enough to see that, then she deserves better than the likes of you.

My advise is that you grow a pair, and stop letting your insecurities mess up what could be the best thing that has ever happened to you. If you cannot deal with YOUR lack of confidence and YOUR insecurities then you will probably throw this in her face even after marriage whenever you two disagree, so . . . let her go . . . let her find a real man, a man who is secure enough in himself to not be threatened by her past.

Answer 2

Okay first of all, you are too possessive! Seriously! However, it sounds like your girl is attracted to everybody and may possibly cheat if the right man comes along. She may not be wife material. If you are looking for a wife you should choose one that would not compromise your comfort in a relationship and will reassure you that she is faithful. You need a woman that you don't have to question whether or not she is trustworthy or faithful. Sounds like you don't trust her. Has she ever cheated? If not, it seems as though you believe that she may. In any event her flirtation may send you over the boarder once you are married... please do not become a psycho. My husband says "look but don't touch". I say "look but don't stare(don't touch either)". I trusted him 100% prior to our marriage and still do. However in a previous relationship, I didn't trust my man and I always felt as though he was either flirting or cheating. In the end I found that he was doing both. As I look back on the relationship I find that the best thing for me was to leave, and I did want to marry him as well and so glad that I didn't. The signs were in my face and the signs are in your face. Do what is best for you. I found my Prince Charming now you find your Princess.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to say it appears you are just a fantasy. It's been over a year and he shows no signs of wanting more from you. I don't think it's a case of him being in a bad marriage with plans of leaving it for any reason. Sounds more like a case of he loves his wife but not getting all he would hope for in the sex department, which is why he keeps coming back to you in a non physical sexual situation. You get him off with phone sex and he can justify it to himself by not calling it cheating since no physical sex involved. I know it hurts but that's the chance you take when you get involved with a married man. End this and give yourself a chance with a man you can have a future with. Wish you the best of luck and sorry that your hurting over this.

Answer 4

everyone has a past. you doubts and fears you express would soon turn to anger and i think you both would be miserable in a very short time.

i think anytime that you were to feel self doubts, she would bear the brunt of this anger.

if you are wise, you will not let anyone, including yourself into marriage until you are able to resolve your trust issues.

marriage is difficult under good circumstances, learning to adjust to each other and blending two people into a unit.

i am not telling you what to do so much as telling you some things to considered before making such a critical change in your life.

i will tell you a possessive person is one who has little confidence in themselves. this can lead to serious issues in a marriage. often the flirting is only in your mind unless the other is a person of little character.

Answer 5

You need therapy. If I could talk to her I'd tell her to run the opposite direction of you.
No one can stand that kind of possessiveness. You would be suspicious any time someone looked at her. You would always be thinking she thinks someone else is more handsome. You need to get some self esteem before you ever marry anyone.
GET HELP!

Answer 6

From what I am getting from the info I read, you have a big problem. You don't trust her. If you are feeling this way you need to talk to her and you need to ask yourself if you could trust her if she was around your friend even your cousin? DON'T rush into marriage. Marriage is a sacred thing. If you feel this way now how are you going to get over it by marrying her? Maybe you should go to couples counselling. It couldn't hurt. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 7

Yes , you can marry her. And then you can take her to a deserted island, where no men will ever go. And force her to wear long and large clothes , and cover her head and face, just in case. I guarantee to you that she will never flirt with any guy.
I was married with an idiot ( just like you ) and I told him, during the divorce, that I would have divorced him 1000 times, if necessary. I'm sure your wife will say exactly the same words to you at divorce.
Report abuse: I don't care. I'll change name and come back to tell the truth to stupid creatures like you.

Answer 8

Buddy for her sake ditch her. You can't go into a marriage with all of these doubts you would only be setting you and her up for trouble. Another thing knock off the possessive crap. A wife is supposed to be your partner someone who walks beside you she is not supposed to be your possession. Until you realize that you are not ready to get married. So do the girl a favor and break it off with her

Answer 9

Please pay attention to my answer if u are possive person having ego, why she like other guys then just refuse to marry her it will not call ditching with her.She marriage is a life time commitment its questions of 2 family n not 2 persons.Please if u r not ready do not get marry.I definitely sure that it will waste not life but golden period of both of Ur's.If u cant forgive her for that,u will never in Ur life.PLEASE DO NOT MARRY HER

Answer 10

I think you are paranoid. You can not afford to be possessive in any relationship. That just suffocates the relationship and triggers the eventual breakup. Relationships are based on trust and love. You can not control or tell your wife what to do after marriage. It has to be a give and take relationship based on trust. Quite simply, if you dont trust your gf, then dont marry her.