My husband admits that he's having an affair with another woman and he blame me for it.Do yo think it's fair?

Question

We've been married for almost 12 yrs,and during that time,I neglected my duty as a wife to him .Instead of putting him as my 1st priority,I concentrated on helping my family and not even thinking for our future.Whatever it pleases me,he'll give.I was too confident of his love to the point that I took advantage of it.
Until last month,I notice that no response at all even if I keep on calling and sending a message.When finally he broked his silence,he told me that it is better for us to separate as I can't give him the attention that all he wanted from me.He even said that seems like he don't love me anymore. At first,he denied that his having an affair but I keep on asking him until he said Yes.My world is wrecked that time but I forgive him because I know that i'm partly to be blame.I loved him so much that I even beg for a second chance just to show him how much he mean to me.He praised the girl for she treats him like a king which I never did.Please help me,I want to win him back?

Answer 1

Don't let the homewrecker win. Of course she can treat him like a King since she most likely does not have the day to day responsibilities that you have. It is easy for her to spoil him and then send him home to his wife.
Don't give up on your husband if you truly still love him. The two of you are married through all the ups and downs and it is not too late for you. Don't listen to anyone telling you to give up on your husband. Would you want him to give up on you?

Answer 2

He's a user and a loser. Get a lawyer now. and get yourself into counseling so you can see the destructive patters he has set up for you. He doesn't deserve you. You want more heartache?
Try and get him back. It's a losing game. If he says he wants to separate, tell him to pack his bags and stop tormenting you. He's getting off on the extra attention from two women. He's a little boy among other less desirable qualities. Get out of it. Move on and you might meet a man who appreciates you for who you are. You are too good to be treated like that and you know it. When you allow his crap you reenforcfe the idea that you arent worth a decent man. I say you are. Get some people you love around you until you get through it. And you will get through it a better and wiser person. Trust me. As far as getting him back? He will be back on his own. That lady will find out what a loser he is and show him the door. If you have to give him another chance then he must prove to you he can be faithful. He'll be begging you.
It would still be better to let him walk. But that is up to you, of course.
God Bless, keep you safe

Answer 3

Don't you see that by blaming you he is letting himself off the hook for being a lying cheater?? I know that it hurts you to think your marriage is over but face reality, how can you trust him ever again, how can you look him in the eyes and feel anything but resentment? You can't change the past, the present is all you have, so you ask him to try and work things out or you can be a big girl and pick up the pieces (Get a good Lawyer) And reconstruct yourself, envelope your self with trusted loved ones and soul search. Don't worry you will find someone new who appreciates you for the person you are. Some one who wont take advantage of the fact there is more to your life then just pleasing them. I am sorry for what is happening to you, you don't deserve it. Good luck

Answer 4

Unfortunately all u can do at this point is hope that u can show him that u've done a 360 turn.. but im afraid u may have to deal with the fact that it may be to late for him, im sure over the 12 years , he made comments or showed signs of his unhappiness and u ignored that too..

And unfortunately when u treat someone like a doormat for to long, u get so confident that ur doormat will stay under ur feet that u start being unappreciative and eventually the doormat gets sick of being walked all over..

One thing he has to remember is that of course the girl is treating him like a king, its a new relationship everyone treats everyone like a king/queen during the giddy stage of a relationship.. and unless he starts standing up for himself and his needs and wants, this girl will eventually do to him what u've done to him, walk all over him..

Im sorry for ur pain, but 12 years is a long time for someone to come in 2nd.. and i feel for his frusteration.. all i can suggest is u start making a huge effort to do for him, and if he's willing to give it another chance u both need to go to marriage counseling to get through this..

Answer 5

He made the decision to cheat, that is nothing to do with you. Maybe in hindsight your finding faults in the things you have done to make him look like it is your fault when indeed it is not, whose to say you could have given him everything and he still would have cheated. He should have talked to you and told you how he was feeling, if after this no effort was made then maybe you could take some of the blame. Sit down by yourself and evaluate your life and what you want out of it. You cant make someone else happy until you are happy within yourself. If after all this you still want him back you then have to take into consideration the fact that he will probably cheat again if he knows he can always fall back on you.

Answer 6

it amazes me that the 1st thought of every person who gets cheated on by a spouse is convinced it is their fault they think they ignored them in ways they shouldnt have they shouldnt have spent so much time being a hard worker or a good mother/father or they didnt spend enough time cleaning the house of fulfilling the sexual / emotional needs of their spouse and when their spouse openly blames them placing their guilty conscience onto the innocent party we still accept it.....

you are NOT to blame it doesnt matter how much or little time you spent being with him or fulfilling his needs you said the girl he is the having the affair with treats him like a king? well of course she does because she doesnt have to worry about feeding him clothing him getting him off to work raising his kids cleaning his house making sure the bills are paid the only reason your husband is having this affair is because he wants to be the king and you to be his slave like she more then likely is what he fails to realise is if he leaves you and moves in with her it wont take long before this woman treats him the same way he is accusing you of treating him he is a liar a whimp and not 1 inch of a man worthy of your loyalty.....

you need to turn the tables on him give him the altimaltums and tell him to get this woman out of his and your life and remind him the grass may seem greener on the other side but even roses wilt.....

if you have the strength to fight this war you will win and he'll see everything he accused you of was just his own selfishness and greed of his own personal gratifacations if emotionally you cant live with him without throwing this in his face every time something goes bad then let him go .....

I dont think it matters what we say your mind is already made up good luck .....

Answer 7

Alex B is dead right.

I was once in your situation, I took him for granted and paid the ultimate penalty, just as you did.

It was my fault for making him feel neglected, and it was his fault for cheating, 50/50 split.

You are willing to put in 50% to fix up the marriage, but he has to be willing to put his 50% in too. You can't force him.

If your pleas don't convince him to come back - leave him well alone. Because begging and pleading might have the opposite effect - it might turn him off even more.

When people run off with another person, they soon realise the full effects of what they've done. Give him some space to work things out.

Answer 8

I totally agree with Alex B and Marie S. And...by the way, I am a woman and I was cheated on. I know how you feel because although the man made the decision to cheat...there were things I did (and didn't do) that helped push it along. No, I don't take the full blame by any means...but I have to take some.

Answer 9

Don't allow yourself to take the blame for doing what any wife does. You won't always feel like servicing him like you are his personal sex slave. If you have a home and family to take care of then there will be times when you don't feel like having sex. He needs to grow up. Sex does not equate love. He blames you because you allow him to do so and he needs to justify his behavior somehow. No matter what cheating is not acceptable. You are enabling him by accepting blame. You should tell him if he feels the need to go elsewhere for sex then he better be prepared to stay there and lose what he has at home. Let her have to kiss his butt and feed him, wash his clothes, and do everything for him that you have to do and I guarantee you she won't be treating him like a king for long.You need to have a little self respect and maybe he won't treat you this way.

Answer 10

you know what...forget what the others said. yes, you may not win this one, but you can at least try. ok, well he has obviously felt neglected for a long time. guys have ego's, so you have to boost it up. start off by telling him that you want to talk, and then start telling him and showing him all the affection that you've failed to say all of these years. don't be afraid to tell him that you've messed up. at the same time, keep in mind that he is seeing someone else, so be aware of what he's up to as well. make sure that he doesn't mix up your actions with thinking that you approve of his affair. just me nice to him and offer marriage counseling and see if he's willing. if he is, you know you have another chance...if not, don't waste your time, cuz he is probably too far gone at that point.