i need help...?

Question

give your opinion...


i throw it in
i let it fly
it lets me fly
for a little while

i breath it in
i let it free
it comes back
naturally

i eyes are crossed
my legs are high
i like the way
it makes me feel

Answer 1

My opinion: not enough variations, especially in the sounds (fly / fly / while/ high). You have to work more on the poem. But its simplicity is interesting.
Capitalize the first person pronoun: I
Write "breathe" (verb) instead of "breath" (noun)
"I eyes": I don't understand what this means, sorry. Do you mean "our eyes"?

Answer 2

To easy and to common in words.

This is a nice concept but try to find imagery in words that are new. Just writing "It flies free, I fly free, I like to fly free." would cover the whole poem. There is more to it for you I hope?

Answer 3

its really good if u like ill give you a verse

You and me different i can see
you have black hair and eyes of brown
skin thats not fair and and wear a sad frown

you and me different i can see
i have blond hair and eyes of blue skin thats fair
not much like you

You and me different i can
yet if we both hurt we bleed just the same
we call for our mum in tears of pain

im 12 and i just wrote that but i really do like your good job?

Answer 4

I like it.

I don't know much about poetry btw but could you say "I" less somehow?