For people who were abused by their parents when they were young?

Question

Also for young folks who are currently being abused.

Did you ever report your abuse to an authority figure?
If not, why not, and do you regret not speaking out? If yes, how long were you abused before you took the initiative to do something about it?

I've been thinking about my childhood a lot recently, mainly because I'm wondering what kind of parent I'm going to be to my little one who's on the way.

My father abused me (physically and verbally) for 6 years before I even imagined telling someone, It wasn't until my mother started beating me up as well that I realized that I could do something to help myself.

I went up to one of my father's clients who was a police officer (off duty) and asked her what I could do. I told her everything because I knew she was obligated to do something if I was in danger.

She didn't believe me and admitted to beating her own child in front of me and told me to stop being so dramatic. She told my parents what I told her and they beat me up worse than ever before.

Protect and serve, eh?
That was the last time I dealt with a cop pleasantly.

Oh, for the record.
I'm now 24 and I still speak with my parents.

Answer 1

Olivia ~

I am so sorry for what you went through ~ no child should have to go through anything like that. I can tell you this though ... you are doing quite well by coming to terms with what happened to you and being aware for your baby-to-be's sake. Just admitting it happened and being able to talk about this will help you make better decisions as a parent.

My mother was very mentally abusive ~ which some say does more damage than physical abuse. Luckily, I knew my mom was mentally ill from a young age and I separated myself from that part of her and tried not to let any of it sink in. I'm not saying it didn't do damage ... but I am strong and a fighter and I refused to use that as an excuse or to take it out on my son. I am a good mom ... and though not perfect ... I try to be very aware of how I treat him and show him love and affection constantly.

In some ways I consider what happened to me a "gift" believe it or not. It has made me a more compassionate and loving person and has enabled me to help others in similar situations. You know what you have to do to be a good mom ... so do it. If you find yourself slipping into any bad patterns or being too harsh - get some help right away. I truly think going to counseling helped me more than anything. If you have never gone you really must. Just to get things out and to learn tools and methods of dealing with your anger and hurt.

And remember ... that cop was a creep. She is one of the few. Please remember that they are human beings too. I have cops in my family and they would have NEVER treated you this way ... most of them went into police work to help people .. not hurt them. This woman should have been stripped of her badge and arrested. I don't want any young kids reading this to think they can't go to the police if they are in this situation ... they can. They should go to the police station and have plenty of witnesses - that is always a good way to get help.

I wish you every happiness as a mother. You have the power to stop the horror you went through and create a whole new healthy and happy life for you and your child. Remember it is never too late to seek help and to truly live your life unafraid of being hurt. You have that power and that choice now ... no one can take that from you ... choose to love ... and choose to live!

I wish you peace ...

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Answer 2

As "Right On" has stated, in our generation, abuse was pretty much swept under the rug. I was abused at least back to age 3 but didn't escape until age 12.
There was plenty of evidence but my parents were well known and mafia connected.
I had bald spots on the top of my head and was grossly underweight. I don't know how they justified the black/blue belt buckle welts as not abuse.
Suffering such abuse made me intolerant. I'm a mandated reporter, but even before that, stuck my neck out.
Even worse than being abused by parents, is being put in a foster home and suffering every unthinkable thing there too. After adults prove to be untrustworthy, we just keep everything inside, some commit suicide, become alcoholics, drug addicts, mental disorders, and some are forced to seek help or seek help voluntarily.

Answer 3

My abuse started when I was five, my father use to physically beat me, my older brother and sister for pity things like not cleaning up the room. My mother kicked him out when I was 6 1/2 7 years old. From the time I was 12 to 17 1/2 my mother beat me also for pity thing...hers was much worst. I thought the "bad person" was gone, not knowing there was still one left here to beat me. She beat me physically and verbally--i would ask her for help with my homework and she would call me a dummy and slap me if i go an answer wrong. That's when I started to ditch because I couldn't take her hitting me like...especially over something like that.
I use to go to a Boys and Girls Club and that was like safety to me. I told the manager there about my problems...she promised she wouldn't tell anyone. She call social services. That day I'll never forget because it felt like I was going to get taken away and I was sad because deep down inside I knew my mother loved me...but I don't know what happened. and plus she's the only one I have. '
Now years later the abuse messed me up mentally its hard for me to trust--because i feel i will be beaten, no i don't regret telling because I couldve turned out worst. But I do regret not running away the day I tried.

Answer 4

Most of us have our scars from abusive parent/s. I have dealt with mine by forgiving my mom. No I never told anyone, and neither did my siblings. I do know why children kill their abusive parent as we thought this would set us free. We were made to be afraid of the police so it never entered our minds to go to the police. It made me realize how much a child can hate their parent/s, and I honestly have tried to no make the same mistakes with my own daughters. Odd thing was I ended up marrying a police officer.

I have two cousins who's father sexually abused them. They didn't say anything about it until we were all adults. Their own mom knew about the abuse.

Answer 5

in the yesteryears we did not have much help in this regard. But today there r so many Helplines for child abuse, just a click on ur phone or mobile, professional counsellors wd rush to rectify the wrong. DonBosco Helpline is available 24 hrs a day, so also Uthavum Karangal and the like.

Answer 6

Now that I'm older I am glad I didn't report the verbal abuse from my father (no physical) because my dad died a couple years ago and I am glad that the family stayed together as long as we could. When I was younger I wanted to report it though

Answer 7

I was physically abused by my step father, and used to be my grandmother, sexually abused by my step-father,cousins(one boy one girl) and a babysiter, I am aslo verbilly abused by my grandparents. With me step father i finally told one day after getting beat before school i don't really rember much aout that but i do rember him making me eat soup for no reason and then he stopped once i stared to cough up blood, he once broke a glass handle thing over me. he would do certain thing when i was bathing or make we wear diapers ans tuff ans then take me to store when i was like 7. One time my grandmother slammed my head into the floor repeadly until my nose bleed for not cleaning my room fast enough.My cousin has moled me several times and i still havent said anything becase no bodie would really care. my family favores men over women. and my gradnma parents ae alwasys saying that no one wuold really love me and that my hardest is good enougha sn other things, everyday. this has effected me b making me more voilent i get in fist fights with my grandpa whenever he treis to lie a hand on me, somtimes i'm suidal. i can never really trust anybody.I can't get really close to men because of what has happend, i know that i'll never be able to have children because i'll prbly hurt them. ans still i put on a smile ans be strong when somtime i feel i can't. i'm sur alot of people get abused alot of epople are like me. I am ruined now becaue of everything that has happend.i'll probly never have a reall relationship with any man i can never have i child, i can never make freind without wondering if there plotting against me. sometimes i feel that i went form one bad suchuation to anoughter and sometimes that makes me starong and sometimes i can't get out of the bed. so I don't feel regret towards telling, i just feel regret towards be less then i should be. for being broken in a sence. is taht's makes sence.

Answer 8

AWWW... im sorry that BOTH your parents abused you. One is enough and you could go to the other for help but having both your mom and my dad abuse you is over the top. Anyways, when i was younger, i had a step dad that would spank me with a leather belt to punish me and my butt would turn purple and blue. I didnt tell anyone but my grandma found out when she was babysitting me and gave me a bath to find my butt bruised. She took me to the hospital and called my mom. My mom knew and my mom also hit me with a spatula or chopsticks on my hands as punishment too. One time, my mom hit me with the spatula on my hands then my face and I went to school with my right cheek all red. The teacher sent me to the office and I had to talk to the school counceler. I dont know if you would call that abuse because my mom and step dad are asian and most asian people displine their kids like that. By the way, im 13 now.

Also, the stepfather's father also sexually abused me when i would go to visit and stay at their house. He sexually abused me about 3 times and i tried to tell my aunts and uncle but they wouldnt believe me.

♥ Priscilla

Answer 9

All cops ain't the same go to one that does not no your parents and also tell them what you told that other cop that new your parents and if she said she abuses her own children boy will she be in trouble and then get them to tell you where to go to get real help and you don't ever have to put up with abuse,you poor thing don't give up there is help out there go get it.

Answer 10

Never really dealt with it until i was an adult and still sometimes try to block it out. I had older brothers (i'm talking eight to fifteen years older) that beat the hell out me and reporting it always seemed to fall on deaf ears. To this day it makes me very defensive and somewhat over protective with my own son. But you live and learn i guess.