Does anyone know what this means??

Question

".....If you really want to get to know someone, therefore, dont count too much on the first date. Or if you do want to go beyond physical attraction, don't count on mixers. You probably will find out very little and are likely to rely pretty heavily on physical attractiveness, not the establishment of true intimacy."


i got it from a book...i read it over and over again but i still dotn understand it. can someone please explain it to me??

Answer 1

dude, that's pretty deep.
::cough:: here it goes,
over time you get to know someone, truly.
mixers are like social gatherings that tend to be brief, their primarily used to aqcuaint people.
do you really know someone your only acquainted with? no, you don't.
If you only know someone by aquaintance you tend you just have a picture of them in your mind.... a picture.
haha, an aquaintance, in simple terms is a someone that you have a picture in your head of but do not know the full picture on that individual.
true intimancy is acquired through time and truly getting to know someone. true intimancy is like heaven if you could ever aqcuire it dude.

Answer 2

it means that (im gonna sorta paraphrase it) if you really want to get to know a person (behind first impressions) "dont count the first date" which can be translated literally: (people are usually extremely nervous on first dates and may appear to be different and in the same way may just be hiding their true character.) or it can also mean" dont judge a book by its cover.

"Or if you do want to go beyond physical attraction, don't count on mixers" means that if you really want to get to know the person, and if you are looking for a relationship based on just their appearance (and how you are attracted to their features) but who they really are then you should do it without so many people and choices. at mixers, its expected for girls to be more attracted to the cutest man (and vice versa) ans usually when this happens others will follow. you should get to know a person while you are alone with them, because usually when there are many people around it is less comfortable as well as more difficult to let ones guard down.

" You probably will find out very little and are likely to rely pretty heavily on physical attractiveness, not the establishment of true intimacy."

at a mixer the guys (hypothetically speaking) will try to appear much cooler (and therefore less of who they are) to become attractive to the women. since all the girl wil be looking at the hot guy, most likely you too would coontinue to pay attention to the same guy because those around you are doing so. really wanting to get to know someone is ebing by yourself with a person, allowing them to become comfortable and show their true self. '

this is what i think this means. (it really depends on what book you are reading...) i tried my best to put everything into words. there were a few things that i thought and wanted to include but i figured that this would suffice!! good luck and enjoy the book!!

Answer 3

Most of the time when 2 people are attracted at first sight etc., it isn't anything to do with having anything in common or being able to have a long good relationship. It often has to do with your emotional stage at that moment, so you don't want to rely on these initial interactions to determine if this is the right person for you. How much can you really tell about a person on a first date,most people are both on their best behavior and actually when people get married after they are married they show their true worst behavior so who is it you are marrying, anyhow ???? True intimacy is actually based upon good verbal communication. If you cannot communicate well verbally over the long haul, you won't have good sex over the long haul either

Answer 4

When you want to know someone, it doesn't mean you're in love or that you like the person at all. It just means that there is a characteristic about that particular person that you want to know and that's all. So, if you go on a first date, it wouldn't really work out if you don't really like her and just want to get to know her. If you want to know a person beyond physical attractiveness, like her personality and mind, then I'm guessing don't use alchohol to figure what that personality is because something bad might happen. In conclusion: If you go on the first date when you're only interested in that person, you'll find out very little and if you use alcohol, the person would look figuratively attractive cause you might be drunk, and this is not what true love means.

Answer 5

Gosh... My understanding of it is when you meet someone, don't judge the relationship you have with them on the first date or physical attraction. It takes a long time to understand the other person's true self. If you judge the relationship this early then there won't be a beginning of a true relationship(intimacy)..
To me it seems like a love relationship more than a friend one.

Answer 6

On first dates, people try to hard to impress the other. (40 million different reasons)
Dale Carnegie stated that when we first meet some one for the first time we have 10 seconds to impress them,
Now I ask the question---Is it better to be exactly you or try to make a good first impression that's not exactly you?
It may be an individual thing that none can an sure in any one case or for any particular individual in differing situations.
I think you have to know what you are looking for and when you find that person they feel the same.
Are you looking for security, a good time gal only, companionship, the fast lane, a friend only, a lover for life or tonight only. (personality type, a brain, the funny laughing joyful free spirited, intellect, educated, average, body doesn't matter, body type does, age older or younger,and on & on)
What your ? means is it was some one elses exspression of their point of view.
Just know what you want and go after it.
By the way, go after what you want with confidance and excitement. that way they will not see the bore none need.

Answer 7

It's saying that you need to take your time to get know someone. If you put to much of your hopes into the first date, you may wind up disappointed. You need to take your time and plan for getting to know someone over a longer period of time. As for mixers, or parties, I agree with that. You don't have the oppurtunity to truly get to know someone in that situation and you may be drawn to people that you simply find physically attractive. In other words, you go to a party and come away feeling you really hit it off with someone, but in fact you don't realize that you only talked briefly, know truly little about that person and in reality your feeling is based upon the fact that you find that person attractive.

Answer 8

Wow, that book sucks. That's the most incoherent and trite bullcrap I've ever heard... who writes this crap?

Basically, if you find someone who you look at and go "wow, i like that," that's one thing. And it doesn't necessarily mean you will be able to have a stable relationship with them. Stable relationships are built by being able to have common goals and by understanding and accepting each other. But there's still the physical attraction that can play a pretty large role because you might not even care about pursuing a person if they're ugly. It's pretty simple. And whoever wrote that book needs to be shot in the butt hole.

Craig

Answer 9

It means that people put on their best behavior when they first meet. Some are players and just want a one night stand and they they blow you off. It takes a while to find out what people are really like and it is telling you not to jump into a person with all your heart and fall in Love on the first date.
Sometimes smiling faces tell lies and your sexual passions may block the truth about someone you see and like.
Rev. TomCat

Answer 10

It means basically if your a shallow guy and base everything on looks and just going for a girl for sex and stuff like that, then go to clubs and everything
If your looking for a meanigful relationship with someone and want to get to know someone better and havea long lasting relationship with a girl you really care about, then dont just go on a first date with her and assume you know everything about her, take time to listen to what she says and just hang out with her alot, whether it be with friends or just her you'll learn more about her and see if you actually like her or if you were just attracted to the looks
the hottest girl at your school could be a totally biotch, look more at the girls that are shy, they're normally very nice AND good looking once you know them better