2007-08-14 15:57:56 · 4 answers · asked by Agent Zero 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
What is it that makes me feel so incredible?
Just cant let it go away
Its oh-so incredible
Brings the light into anyday
Hope one day the thought of me can bring it to your face
Its vivid sparkle
Given by god's grace
Its oh-so remarkable
Ill wait until the end of time
Put it all on the line
Even write a heart felt rhyme
You kno my style
I'd do anything just to see her beautiful smile
2007-08-14 15:58:17 · update #1
completely amazing. wow i wish my crush would write something like that for me! you should give it to her!
2007-08-14 16:05:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you could make it better...you use so many cliches that could be replaced by honest feelings that I'm not sure why you just don't use your own words. I understand the "oh so...." stuff, I listen to music too. That part actually works...but the rest is a little light and you should think about your line breaks...even them out a bit, even if it looks like it delays the rhyme...which it won't, because the rhyme timing is based on the words, not the line breaks. And please spell out all the words, okay? This is a poem, not a grocery list.
The poem is sweet, but you can make it sweeter...and make it sound like your words...not a collection of cliches.
keep writing
2007-08-18 22:55:28 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww,that's so sweet!
2007-08-15 02:13:52 · answer #3 · answered by T.Mack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you give it to her, she'll love it.
2007-08-14 23:05:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋