[♥]What do yah think of this poem that my friend wrote?

Question

Summertime exudes the brightness of the sun.
Blooms flowers; numerous colors different in tint.
The heat emits from the heat waves, makes eyes squint.
Until the pursuit of the dog days are done.

Then, arrives the winter, when the sun shelters its glow.
Leaves falling, running away from the oaks.
The artic breeze, causing people to wear cloaks.
As they ramble on the gloomy, dull, peaceful streets of snow.

Winter, when the cheerful mood of summer goes
Away and everything looses its spark.
When the sky alternates from bright blue to gray and dark.
Summer, when butterflies aviate and green leaves grow.

Winter, briskness and glee are what it clearly seems to lack.
Until the summer comes along again, briefly bringing it back.

what should she change?

LOL...thnx guys! I actually wrote this for my English class....I thought it was bad, so I didn't want to say I wrote it. =]

Answer 1

i like it! tell her she should keep it the way it is! tell her she has real potential!


good luck!

Answer 2

Well...it's not "bad"...but it could be better. First of all, flowers don't bloom in the Summer, they bloom in the Spring. Also, heat doesn't emit from heat waves...heat waves "are" heat being emitted and rising...and it's not the heat waves that make you squint, it's the level of sunlight. The dog days of summer are those after July 3rd...so that part is okay. However, then you say, "then arrives winter"...wrong...then arrives "fall" or "autumn", THAT is when leaves are falling...by the time winter comes around all the leaves have fallen. Then you cycle back to Summer straight from winter again, saying things start to grow...wrong! that's Spring. So, if you're going to do a season poem, just put in all the seasons. Your images are good, they're just out of tune with nature...which is a bad thing for a nature poem. Just fix it...your vocabulary is okay, so get to it.

and keep writing

Answer 3

ohmigod thats soo amazing!! don't change a thing

Answer 4

omg its b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l two thumbs up to your friend

Answer 5

that was horribley





good.