White people who stare...?

Question

Ok...white people ALWAYS stare at me. Like they're afraid of me. I'm scared of KITTENS for Pete's sake...I am not going to hurt anyone.

Today I was at The Cheesecake Factory and omg all these white people we staring at me like I had squiggly lines all over my face. It was SO rude and they didn't even try to hide it.

WTF? How can I stop these people from feeling like they have the right to RUDELY STARE at me because I'm black?

I'm thinking of smiling and waving at them, but I haven't tried that method yet.

***P.S.***: Please, if you're a white person who thinks that just because a person's black means they're gonna hurt you, could you please GET OVER IT and GET OVER YOURSELF!?? Seriously, no one's even thinking about you until you stare them down!

Ok...I was out with my friend (who's white) and my tutor (who's white)...and seriously...I was just sitting there and I'd FEEL someone staring at me...and there they are when I look up...it's rude. There's no excuse for it.

And even when i'm with other blacks ...they stare at us.

Answer 1

when they do that to me i start messin with them. its real fun to do. first i stare back strait at them. not blinking or nothing. jus sitting perfectly still and staring. that ones the funnest to do. or some times i smile and wave wjen im in a good mood. but sometime i be muggin them. that always make them turn around. jus have fun withy it. makes crazy faces at them do whatever u feel like doin at the moment. or sit rite next to them and make them feel uncomfortable. its real fun.

Answer 2

One word of advice....don't presume to know what others are thinking. About 20 years ago, I was sitting at a traffic light and a black man and white woman walked by holding hands. I guess I was technically "staring" at them, but it's only because I was lost in thought thinking "wow....this is so great to be living in a time when an interracial couple doesn't have to be afraid to walk down the streets of Richmond, VA holding hands." My nice little thought was interrupted by the man stopping and flipping me the bird saying "what are you looking at....you got a problem with black on white, b*tch?" Needless to say, my happy little thought was pretty much ruined.

I'm sure some people are truly being rude, but never assume that you know what someone is thinking. They might be saying to themselves "she's pretty" or "jeez...did I forget to turn the oven off before I left the house? " :)

Lastly...I think your idea of a "smile and a wave" is a good one, especially if you actually try to be sincere about it. Then if they smile and wave back, you've made a friend. If they "harumph" and turn away, you've kept your dignity and shown that you are the better person. It's a win-win situation.

Answer 3

I'm black, so I know where you're coming from, but, just to play devil's advocate, could there be a reason other than your race that's causing you to be stared at? Maybe the way you dress, or the way you wear your hair - or maybe they're feeling you're hostile or something. Who knows?

I'm not sure where you live, but, I live in California, in the bay area. The community I live in has a less than 3% black population, but, I never run into the white people staring issue. That's one of the things I love about California - there just seems to be a lot more racial tolerance here. Especially in the community I live in. I know I wouldn't like living in a community where that wasn't the case.

Some people in your situation might try to solve the problem with a friendly greeting, but, personally, that would begin to wear me down after awhile, especially if the general response I received was to have the person I just greeted just look the other way. So, I think you have to ask yourself, do you really want to live in an area where you have to deal with this all the time? There are a lot of communities where the great majority of people who live there understand that people are more than just their race - they're individuals.

Answer 4

I agree. It's totally rude for people to stare. Doesn't everyone know that there's a 2 sec. maximum in the stare rules book? But...How do you know they're not thinking, "Her outfit's so cute.I wanna find 1 like that.".Plus if you're pretty you're just gonna get stared at more so get used to it (although it can b totally unnerving).I try to look back &stare them down like it's a 2nd grade No Blinking contest!I think smiling is a great idea because then they'll just smile back and you'll realize they don't think badly of u.If you're really feeling bold just ask them. Wouldn't that b great?!

Answer 5

I dont' know about other people, but I can tell you that I stare at the guys because I find black men more attractive than the white boys.
Unfortunately some people are naive.
If you just ignore them or think that maybe they are jealous of you it might make it easier. You can't change these peoples minds but I would seriously try the waving idea. It sure would be fun! And I'm sure they would quit staring at you, at least as bluntly!

Answer 6

Not true, dear...try being a white girl living in the middle of downtown Detroit and see how much you get bugged just by glancing at a black person.

But....if you want an unbiased opinion, I'd say the white people at the cheesecake factory (I'm assuming you are in Chicago, which is a HUGE tourist trap) were tourists that lead an EXTREMELY sheltered life and are afraid of anything and anyone different...probably woulda stared at me for my green hair, too. Humans can be morons sometimes.

Answer 7

I have to say, maybe they are staring because of something else. Are you beautiful, tall, nice body and show confidence. Maybe they are wishing they could be you. Or maybe you have something out of place, examples are zipper undone, skirt inside your panties, spinach on your teeth, or something in your hair. Or maybe they are not looking at you at all. They might just be spaced out. If it was me I would just smile and ignore it. Think the good things about yourself. I also don't think that most people stare because of race. They are usually looking because of one of the reasons I mentioned above.

Answer 8

Maybe there not Staring, because your Black, me myself am kinda weird and if i'm bored at a store, i'll look at random people, not because of there skin colour, and TRy Smiling some people arn';t staring there just looking at you in a friendly way.

Answer 9

I get that sometimes in all-white establishments in the South (I'm multiracial but not black).

While ignorance is always the cause, it's not always done out of spite IMO. Some people are unused to people of colour and forget their manners when they stare a bit, but then they treat me with courtesy. There are a few who have to show scorn to make up for their insecurities.

Answer 10

well, its kind of the opposite for me cause we are adopting a African American 2 year old and all the African Americans stare and me in store when i give him hugs and kisses. And they just also stare at me and my mom like we have squiggly lines on our faces. I just ignore them, or ask them if i have something on my face, lol
Maby they are staring at you cause you are so beautiful?

Answer 11

I agree with you. I cannot stand it when people stare at me. But, I don't think they're staring at me because of the color of my skin.

I love your idea of smiling and waving at them. That is perfect! If I was staring at you, and you smiled and waved at me, I would be overjoyed.

I try not to stare at black people, but when I do, it's because I just love the color of their skin. I am serious. I am admiring them. I admire the way they interact with each other too. I have wanted to make friends with some of them, but they don't want me as a friend because they think I am prejudiced against them for being black. I don't really see them as "black". . . . I see them as a beautiful shade of chocolate brown.

Staring is rude, and even I need to control myself from doing that.

Do you think that there is any possibility that someone's motives for looking/staring at you are different from what you think is motivating them?

I think black people are gorgeous. That means you're gorgeous. So, that's why people are staring at you. They're admiring you! (in case they have other agendas, carry pepper spray)

I'm white. Gosh, I hate saying that. I'm not really white. . . .I'm more of a pinkish beige with freckles.