Relationship ended due to his depression. Need some input?

Question

How does depression affect a relationship? Do you find it difficult to communicate with the people in your life that you love the most, and find yourself cutting them out of your life? More specifically, have you had to end a relationship because of it, but couldn't bring yourself to communicate any further with that person even if they were offering support and help?? I've found myself in this situation, and don't know what to do to help him. I'm trying to be a friend to him, but he's not very responsive to me and I don't know if I should leave him be or keep offering support and letting him know I am there so he knows that I haven't abandoned him. I'm just having a hard time trying to figure out his unresponsiveness. He doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. I don't want to give up on him, because my heart and my gut are telling me that he will come around, but it's just starting to feel hopeless because it's been so long now

I'm trying to be patient. We were going out for about 3 months when he told me it wouldn't work out for now because he had to fix things in his life so he could be happy. This all happened about 6 months ago. Still has not given a definite answer on the relationship, he just doesn't know what will happen. I've been offering support as a friend, and every once in a while I write an email to see how he's doing and to let him know I am there. Some he responds to, some he doesn't. He did respond to me last week, a few days after I had sent him an email encouraging him to get help. He said things have been painful and agonizing, and that the help he is getting isn't enough because his mind is still really uncomfortable. He plays in a band, and said that's all he really needs but everything else in his life still seems to be a disaster. I'm just looking for any input on his situation and what, if anything, I should do.

Answer 1

it does affect the relationship as the person can feel so low about themselves they cut off from people feeling as if abandoment is imminent. Maybe try being there for him but not asking to many questions. Over time he may just feel like talking.

Answer 2

i'm the depressed one in my relationship.

He desperately needs to see a doctor to get some antidepressants, but it sounds like he isn't open to that solution. which is a real tragedy. I don't think you can help him till he is ready to try to help himself.

I think the very best you can do is to tell him to call or email you when he wants to be treated for the disease, which depression is. This may sound cruel, but unless/until he is willing to try the things that are known to help, i don't think you two can have much if any relationship.

Knowing what i know about depression and relationships, i think it would be better for both of you if you moved on with your life.

So my advice is offer to make an appt for him, and offer to go with him. He he is not willing to go to the appt, or keeps putting it off, i think you should end the relationship.

Answer 3

Let him go , People who need help psycologically are for the most part silent , they are unable to verbelize their needs ,the fact that he has told you he needs to figure himself out and has indicated that he is depressed , tells me thathe's found a quick way out of a relationship, that he has grown tired of,, and doesn't want to hert you , be quiet about what I've told you ,, you can check to see if I'm right , but only if you don't tell him about this conversation .