okay, so my husband's friend always hugs me goodbye (kinda weird i know) i try to avoid it, but sometimes that just isn't possible without making a big thing of it. well, my huband 'forbade' me to hug him anymore (lol... i know, forbade! a simple request would have sufficed!). well, the other day we were at his friend's house & about to leave, i grabbed my huband's arm trying to avoid the hug but they guy still hugged me... i patted him on the back with one had (the other still on hubby). my husband got mad. is it just me, or is that kinda... controlling? and freakishly jealous? i mean, how am i supposed to avoid it?
2007-08-14 12:36:23 · 20 answers · asked by Ember Halo 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he thinks his friend likes me, too...
i don't know, personally. he's just been friend-like to me. he doesn't hug anyone else that i've noticed, which is weird...
and i don't really like hugging him (he's usually pretty smelly for one! ew!) as i'm not a big "hugger"
2007-08-14 12:48:38 · update #1
Jessie- i think you're onto something! he was REALLY ticked off at his friend, so maybe it was just displaced onto me, cuz he almost went & picked a fight with his friend but he knows i don't like that sort of thing...
2007-08-14 12:59:35 · update #2
um, excuse me, my husband is not a "douche bag" and i certainly will not tell him that i'll pat his friend's behind. that's utterly childish!
2007-08-14 13:20:31 · update #3
I think your husband did overreact but I don't think it controlling necessarily. I would ask your husband for some help here. If you don't want to hug this guy ask your hubby to help you figure out how to avoid it without insulting his friend. Really I think your husband needs to talk to him and tell him that he's not ok with it. "don't be hugging my girl dude" LOL then the problem will be solved for both of you. I think your husband is taking out his anger with his friend on you. Tell him to get his friend to stop and the whole problem is solved. If he refuses to fix it then just say well it's hard to keep him from hugging me then.
2007-08-14 12:56:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well.... I completely understand where you are coming from!! This is probably really hard for you. When the two of you get married, if this is still going on, things will get a lot worse. Something similar happened to me but I must admit it wasn't this serious. I'll tell you how I dealt with mine because it's the only way I feel like I can help. When me and my hubby met in high school, one of his first friends was this girl (very pretty) I never had a problem with their friendship. I didn't really know her very well though. Anyway, after a while, when we got serious, they stopped talking so much. After about 5 years, after we had a baby together and broke up, and then got back together and married, I had not heard her name mentioned EVER. We've been married since April, and all of a sudden she texts him saying "heyyy". No big deal, however I had no idea they were still friends. I checked our phone bill out of curiosity since he hadn't mentioned her name in years. There were hundreds upon hundreds of texts between the two that had been going on since a month after we got married. Needless to say... I was infuriated. Never had I had a problem with her until now. What could they have been talking about? I still don't know but he said it was innocent and he never thought twice about the texts. They had been friends for a while. Sorry for making this long! :/ But my point is, when you are married, it HAS to be you and your hubby- no one else. And it doesn't look like this will stop unless you make it stop. I texted the girl and simply said "This is "so and so's" wife, and I'd appreciate it if you would stop texting my husband" It stopped and my husband did not mind because he knew I was very angry about it. But... you seem to be in a little more of a predicament than just texting... I would talk to your fiance about it. He needs to be enough of a man to push her off when she is drunk and all over him. She may not be mean or rude to you, but she is disrespecting you.
2016-05-17 23:38:02 · answer #2 · answered by inger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
On the one hand, this guy is your husband's friend yet your husband does nothing to help; all he does is criticize you.
On the other hand, the individual is imposing on YOU.
Think about it. We women have been socialised always to be 'nice'. We are trained all our lives to put others first. The guy is bugging you, but it appears you have never said a thing to him about it. There you are, going through all the 'niceness' motions, dancing like a boxer trying to avoid the hug...then patting the hugger on the back...all the while cognizant of the fact that your husband will be snarling and blaming YOU later on. But still, you have been conditioned by society to always be nice, never cause a stir...be sweet...sugar and spice, all things NICE.
Your husband is being dishonest with you - but you are also being dishonest...with yourself.
The next time Baby Huey tries to hug you step back and firmly say "Please don't do that. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't like it".
BE ASSERTIVE - and let the chips fall where they may. Defend yourself. You won't spontaneously combust, I promise you. Nobody will. The point is that you are doing this for YOU - and only YOU. Not to appease your husband. Baby Huey is disrespecting your personal space - everybody has one (Americans have a larger personal space than Europeans - simply put, there's more space here and the size of our personal space reflects that...but I digress). You are RECLAIMING control over your own personal space!
2007-08-14 18:58:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He "forbade" you? How old are you and is this your husband or your father? That's nuts!
Tell him you have tried to avoid the hugs, and he has done nothing about it. He could have stepped in when his friend approached you. You were holding onto his arm. He has no reason to be angry about it.
Tell him if it's that much of a big deal, then he needs to "forbid" his friend from hugging you.
Good luck
2007-08-14 12:45:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you'll get a consensus on 'unreasonable'.
The REAL question is what to do.
Here's my evil suggestion:
Be very loving and sympathetic, feed him a nice meal, cozy up in bed and say something like this:
"Honey, please don't ask me to go psycho ***** on your friend over a stupid hug. I know it bothers you, but 'you' need to tell your friend. Does he even know it pisses you off?
By the way, I'm just a teensy bit flattered you think I'm that irresistible. And just so you know, if one of my friends hits on you, I am more than willing to go psycho ***** on her. But not over a hug. She'd have to do something like this. (you know his buttons, push one) Or this. (one more button) And I would be REALLY pissed off if she did this. (you get the drift) "
BTW - I recommend a book called "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" it teaches an art many have forgotten.
2007-08-14 14:07:26 · answer #5 · answered by Phoenix Quill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is weird, but I don't see why your husband is upset with you, its his friend ask him to talk to him about it. Tell your husband to tell his buddy it makes you uncomfortable, and if that doesn't work then the next time he tries to hug you confront him about it and tell him you don't think it right for him to be hugging his friends wife.
2007-08-14 12:55:24 · answer #6 · answered by vvff6084 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with greeting good friends with a hug or a kiss on the cheek. Your husband must be a control freak.
2007-08-14 12:44:11 · answer #7 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well since it is your hubbys friend, then why doesn't your husband say somthing to him?
since he got mad about it, next time he goes to hug you just say "hey, my husband doesn't like that you hug me so lets just shake hands or something"
i mean there is no way around it without someone saying somthing to the guy. and it will help you, you won't have to smell him anymore =D
2007-08-14 12:52:17 · answer #8 · answered by 3 girls call me mommy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
LMAO he sounds like mine!
Mine does the same thing, whenever anyone other then his father or brothers hug me he gets pissy.
Mine and your hubbys are just being to qoute my mother "jelly -a**es, lol.
It doesnt work for mine, but try just letting him know you dont want to hug the guy, but that you also dont want to be rude to the guy. make your hubby tell his bud to back off.
2007-08-14 20:04:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Controlling. If your husband has a problem with his friend, he needs to talk to HIM and handle it like a man. Instead, he's picking on you. What an a$s.
2007-08-14 12:47:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋