problem is itis affecting our sex life BIGTIME...we dont do it. We dont do anything. He doesnt even act like he cares about my feelings about not being close with him. His hands are not broken, so....but he will sit in front of the computer and playgames all night, or he will go for bikerides when his back flares up.
He doesnt seem to care one bit about my need for closeness with him. I cant even hug him when his back is hurting. He seems very cold about being close with me when this happens. I dont know what to do, and I dont wantto use a vibrator either..I wanthim and he doesnt care. Anyone else dealing with this?
2007-08-14 12:34:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have bigger problems than back pain.
Maybe he is feeling bad about his pain and degenerative condition and he is retreating to his computer, but you guys need to talk about needs and goals and directions and plans.
Call dr. Laura.
2007-08-14 12:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by SolarFanatic 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems pretty likely that he is using this injury as a way to avoid sexual intimacy. It may be that there is a deeper issue than a hurt back.
First thing you need to be more overt in your search for his attention. Let him know that his hands aren't broken and there is plenty he can do to help you out using just his fingers. If there is nothing ambiguous about it then he will have to directly say "no I don't want to have sex".
There is probably some other reason he does not want to have sex. Perhaps he is worried that he is "not as young as he used to be", perhaps his sex drive is just gotten much lower and instead of being up front about not wanting to have sex, he is using his injury as a smokescreen.
Remember communication is the MOST important thing in a relationship. Make sure he KNOWS that he is playing games all night when he could be pushing YOUR buttons instead and that you want an explanation. Be frank, tell him exactly what you want.
2007-08-14 12:41:37 · answer #2 · answered by QuestionWyrm 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same boat basically! For some reason my wife just isnt interested anymore! I even suggested counseling and she just got mad about it and everytime I trued to talk about it she turned it into a fight! Your husband is using his back as an excuse! Find a counselor and get in there with him now before its to late! My marriage fell apart due to the issue! The next thing you know all communication will be over and everything will slowly erode away! One of you will stray and your marraige will end! Address it now if you want any chance of saving your marriage! Give it all you have and if it doesnt work at least you know you tried and wont regret just watching it slip away! Best of luck you!!!
2007-08-14 12:52:35 · answer #3 · answered by Older&Wiser 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to suggest this, but do you think there is someone else in the picture? If not, he may need to have some medical tests done. If he is not 'interested' at the moment, he could have a low testosterone level or something else going on medically.
It's not typical for a male not to be interested in sex. I would sit down and try to have a long talk with him to see if it is really pain that is bothering him.
Good luck.
JOY
2007-08-14 12:39:39 · answer #4 · answered by Joy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long has he had the herniated disk? Did he have surgery? Taking meds? The reason I ask is I had this happen to me. For a month, I was immobilized. A co-worker said I would never have sex again. Wrong! He is probably afraid of his back and also not being able to perform like he used too. (Too much pressure to perform can diminish his performance). I would suggest pleasuring him and doing sexual things not involving intercourse until he gets his swing back..
The bottom line. He is "playing it cool" to avoid what he may be afraid of.
2007-08-14 12:48:12 · answer #5 · answered by Max 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a new treatment for this where the Dr. injects some silicone and forms a new disk. You are too young and have too much life in front of you to live like this. Make a new plan!
2007-08-14 12:57:48 · answer #6 · answered by handyman7799 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bike rides and sitting at the computer are bad for backs. Your problems are more than disk disease. You need to get to a counselor/doctor together in order to save your marriage.
2007-08-14 13:27:00 · answer #7 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he take medication for the degenerative disk disease? If so, it could be possible he has problems with impotence and/or his libido. You need to tell him how you feel (unloved/unwanted/undesired). Ask him if he feels the meds are a problem and if he would consider speaking to his doctor about it. If he is non responsive.... then he doesn't care... and you don't need someone like that in your life.
Life is to short to spend it with someone with whom you are unhappy.
2007-08-14 12:40:16 · answer #8 · answered by Yinzer from Sixburgh 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
is he on any kind of medication that will affect your sex drive, I know that I was on some one time and I could have care less about sex or anything else,
2007-08-14 12:53:42 · answer #9 · answered by emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men can be in a wheelchair and they would still want sex, there is more to this. Better find out now.
2007-08-18 12:08:54 · answer #10 · answered by dear_vern 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋