Why do mothers always favor sons?

Question

I'm a girl, and ever since I was young, my brother was favored. But then as I got older, she started favoring other boys too. Then i got older still, and she would see certain behaviors in males, and say, that a girl must be behind it. There have been a considerable amount of love marriages in my family. And she always says it was the girl who roped the guy in...because men would never rope a girl in. Even when we go to India and a situation happens to me on the bus, I'm the one in trouble for tempting men...when she knows I did no such thing. Then I tried to tell her that men go a lot further than women where dating is concerned usually(we live abroad), and she started arguing with me! I don't understand y she thinks women area the vixens and men are the victims. I agree that at times, this may be the case, but not always...but she says always. IF a male said this, I'd understand, thinking they don't get it. But shes' a female, shouldn't she understand that a female has a lot more

stress because they must resist so much? But no, she says a girl is a manipulator, and a boy is a pawn...in all cases. How do I learn to keep my mouth shut when speaking to my mom, since I know she's anti-female? Why is she anti-female?

Answer 1

I will tell you right now I completely know where you are coming from. I am also Indian (but west Indian) but I still see this behavior within my ethnic community.

The problem really has to do with the culture and the attitudes towards women surrounding it. Nonwestern cultures, especially when the families themselves are traditional, usually have negative views towards women. It's part of a misogynist-property mindset. When it all comes down to it, it's got to do with preserving a woman's virginity. Really, it's because these cultures see women as property and nothing more. Why do you think women in the Middle East wear the burkah? Because it's about protecting male morality AND because women are property. It's a harsh reality but be glad that you live in America!!

I think in order to show your mom that you are NOT trying to tempt men, start wearing a headscarf, especially when your mom is around. In Indian culture, you are probably well aware that hair is considered beautiful so try covering it and see what happens. Chances are, if you are pretty (which you probably are), men will look at you anyway and this will be a very glaring fact to your mom, no matter WHAT she says, that you are not trying to prostitute yourself.

My mom also thinks the same way and it's gotten to the point where I tell her that I don't care. In all honesty, there is not much you can do about it but hold yourself to a much higher standard the the ones your mom obviously believes. I swear, Indian mothers are all nuts because my sister has a friend who was molested by a relative and SHE was blamed for eliciting the advances. It's crazy!

When your mom brings up a topic and then says that women are the tempters and go farther than men, say "Well mom I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you know that I'm not like that because you raised me to be a good kid." If she still keeps at it, say "Well, I can't speak for others but I hold myself to high standards."

All I would do (and have done) is hold yourself up to a high standard and be yourself. Your mom can waste her breathe blaming women for all the world's problems, but she should take a step back and look at herself.

Answer 2

Your mum has some serious issues. Who knows why she favors men over woman. Maybe she had some bad experiences when she was younger or maybe her mother was like it. There will be something quite deep behind this and I don't think anyone else can tell you what it is. If it is possible to have a heart to heart with her, tell her how it hurts when she always favors men over you. However, the important thing here is that you do not follow in her footsteps. It doesn't matter whether you are male or female, we are all different and should not be judged by our sex. All you can do is keep an open mind yourself and try to surpass the ignorant outlook that your mother has. Stay cool!

Answer 3

To the first part of your question , I would say that she wants to rough you so that you can grow and mature in much better ways.
Also it may be the thought that parents gen (Indians) give much weightage to their son, as they have to stay life long along with them, however there is no much diff bet male and female, as females too are earning and they look after their parents better than the male,
But the things of past could not be erradicated from the brain so quickly.
As far as the things that you mom says regarding tempting of men, I would say that the modern dress really increases the sensitivity and also puts some behaviourial tag (hints to male) , then comes the male fingerings to female and if females does not raise objection it is treated as provocation to male, it makes them more bold to continue doing so, and the y even try on others.
I think if females immidiately slap such guy or bullshit them it would definately make lot of changes.
You know that looking after a female child is bit more tougher for the parents than having a female in India because the culture forgives the male at one side but the females are never given that chance. Its this reason that Mothers find their daught. a grey compared to male child.
There are thousands of other things that would offset the life of female, as the society is not yet so liberal like states.
In states females stand on their own leg, they love have partners and change them like their undergarments, the value of long term relation ship cant be build up on this liberty. there has to be some sound and strong relationship, it may be out of caste of religions, but your love and craze for each other should not die, it should bloom through out the rest part of your life. Thats the reason that even the foreigners like to have girls from India

Answer 4

Girl I def. know where you are coming from!! I sware my mom is the same exact way, its crazzy!! I have two brothere, one older and one younger and I'm the middle child and the only girl and let me tell you my brothers are the angels and im the devil. Even though, they are the one's that usually tend to do the wrong things but some how I'm the one always getting in trouble for something!! My g-mom, my mom's mom is the same way, I think it's just our culture and the situations they grew up in. I think they just are living in the past and can't accept or adapt the new world and the new generation. All I can say is, you're not the only one out there living in this situation and I'm right there with you! Don't let it get to you and just live in truth and honesty, do what you know is right and one day everything will work out for the best! I kno sometimes it just gets soo complicated and frusterating, but you just got to remember "everything happens for a reason" and one day you'll be out of this mess in you own life, living it the way you want! Good luck and keep on smiling, everything will be ok. Don't let your mom get to you, trust me I kno it is hard but its capable =]

Answer 5

Probably a cultural or educational thing, she's got some psychological baggage there. It is true men are pawns, they always get as far as we want to, but to portray them as brainless victims of our manipulative powers, that's a bit too much. Not every mother favors sons, and if you find you have radically contradictory ideas with your mother, better draw a line and never cross it, just don't pay much attention to her comments, and don't pick a fight either.

Answer 6

This is very common,women are women's biggest enemy,from childhood,girls get deprived of many things that boys do,so it becomes a habit for them to compromise and move behind the men.The best advice is just show to her that you are least bothered about all this gender stuff and dont give attention to what she says in this matter,she will herself understand that,times have changed and now nobody is interested in the ageold male dominant world.

Answer 7

You are young, and you are, you and she is, she.

People do say and do things based on their experience and knowledge, so you can not do much about it.

She is an individual and you are too.

There is no escape, please read my article and between the lines you will find the that "There is escape", and this is how.

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General Advice to Young People
By
Minootoo

This is my general advice to all.

You sound very young and if you are under 25, then study hard if in school or college, stay and finish it.

Build a carrier, youth comes but once take full advantage of it. Study hard, play some enjoy friendship, and then at age 25 if still unattached then try the sites like.

yahoo.shadii.com
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Answer 8

Your mother may think that you are once for all going to be with your husband after your marriage. Only her boys will look after her during her old age and she should have started showing her affection , love, priority and attention to her sons may be the reason. But why should she show her face now itself? Better you ask your mother about this. Yours VRVRAO

Answer 9

She comes from a different era, when men and boys were always put first. I think you should speak up and disagree, but just know you can predict her response.
You're not going to change her but you can work to change the next generation.

Answer 10

It could be the way she was raised and all i can say is that you are lucky you have not taken on her ways.You will not alter the way she feels but you are entitled to your opinion the same way she is.If you really do not want to argue with her you will just have to say nothing.Are you prepaired for that or will you stand up for what you believe in.