My husband and I were married at young and we now have two young children 2 and 4. A month after we got married I was already pregnant with baby number 2 and realized that he was addicted to oxy contin. It has now been over 2 years and we are still battling the same issues. He has been in and out of rehabs and I have left a numerous amount of times. I consider myself a Christian women and am finding it hard to leave with no strings attached. I can see that now the splitting up all the time is really affecting my daughter. What should i do?
2007-08-14 12:19:30 · 15 answers · asked by A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hmm.. My sister-in-law (VERY christian) has been going through the same thing for 15 years.. but my brother is a crack/meth addict. He has been in and out of rehab.. disapears on the weekends.. and she has just learned to deal with it for her 2 children.
Normally I would suggest you get out now because it will only get worse and it will become "normal" for you.. and maybe you can meet a good guy who could be a good influence..
The problem for me is that Oxycontin is not crack. I know its highly addictive but. Its not going to cause him to stay out all night and stuff. So I dont know.. maybe he can get off it. Maybe if you moved to where he would not have access to it? Out of state perhaps?
Just out of curiousity.. everyone who is saying "divorce" Have you been in this situation? Do you really think its that easy?
2007-08-14 12:26:24 · answer #1 · answered by neverdugdisco 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to be the bearer of a bit of a wake up call but he did not come back a changed man. He has only been clean for a couple months correct? That is not a change, that is a short break. You may not like my advice but here goes...I am not against pot smoking. Even though I am not into it, I don't mind if someone does IF they do not do it excessively and if it does not take away from money they need to handle financial obligations. AND if they are smart enough not to get into trouble with the law. I feel that if alcohol is legal, pot should be too. Speed is a different story. I am curious what kind. If you are talking about meth or anything that is an upper other than pills, he may have a real problem more than you think. If he is simply taking pills, I have to wonder if he is just rebelling against you since that is really not a "high" and not typically favored as far as addictions go. All that being said, clearly he does not want to quit and needs some sort of a "release" which he is even willing to drain the bank account for. I am going to guess that you are both young and that you life in the midwest or some rural area. Maybe fatherhood comes with a pressure he feels unprepared for and needs to find a stress reliever that will help with that. Is he against a few beers with the guys and bowling? I really don't see you kicking him out for pot and some speed when young people have done this since the beginning of time and he will grow out of it.
2016-05-17 23:30:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May I suggest you go seek help from a psychologist. It looks like there are issues that go way deeper than his drug problem. For example, why are you still with him? Why do you have to sacrifice your family to caretake for someone who makes his priority the drug? I guarantee that there are other issues that lie within the marriage and it is unfortunate that your husband is going through this rough time. But it shouldn't take over your life and the lives of your children.
I would also suggest you read:
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself By Melody Beattie
Because a lot of what you describe sound like co-dependency. I hope that all turns out well for you and your children.
2007-08-14 12:32:39 · answer #3 · answered by CHEEKS69 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard to leave your husband and be on your own with two young children, but the sooner the better. This isn't a good atmosphere for your children and a divorce is much easier on young children. Don't wait until they are older. You need to do what is best for your children, not yourself or your husband. Raising children alone isn't easy, but neither is being married to an addict. You can do it!
2007-08-14 12:27:43 · answer #4 · answered by mab5096 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ensure that your husband should involve into activities like Yoga and Meditation and some Sports on daily basis, you must try to accompany him into these. Also, don't allow him to be alone as much as possible give, involve him your domestic work also or ask him to look after / play with children. But at work, find out that whether he is having any drug addicted friend etc..
2007-08-14 12:35:33 · answer #5 · answered by sujitksagar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to realize that he is never going to change. This is something that he has tried to kick several times and has never been successful.....because he doesn't want to kick his habit.
By you staying, you are enabling him and telling him that it's acceptable to you and you are also telling your children that it's okay to do drugs.
You should have more respect for yourself and your children than to want to be with that type of person or be in that kind of environment. Your children do not deserve to be raised by a drug addict and you need to put them first.
It's obvious that he has no intention of stopping, so you need to be the responsible adult and do whatever is necessary to rid him and his drug use from your (and your children's) life.
2007-08-14 12:27:03 · answer #6 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's the one that has broken his vows - not you. You should not feel guilty at all for walking out. He walked out on his family long ago. This environment is NOT healthy for your young children.
2007-08-14 12:29:07 · answer #7 · answered by Mel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave now.
Drugs limit the mind's ability to think and behave rationally. That said, every second you stick around puts you at greater risk. Think of yourself and your child.
He's an adult and responsible for himself.
Your leaving doesn't say, "I don't love you anymore," rather, it says, "I love ME more."
Good luck!
2007-08-14 12:27:06 · answer #8 · answered by silentknight64 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to figure out what is more important your husband's well being our your children's welfare! he is not going to change he will promise you forever. it is a bad combination with children. and as well your self. you love him but love dosent always fix things. you can not fix him he need's to do this himself. and once you realize this you will have your answer but remember stick with your decesion. lot's of luck!
2007-08-14 12:30:28 · answer #9 · answered by 1happyfrog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I can t tell u what to do but you might want to leave for good he is trouble always will be that way u don't need it and neither does your kid get out before he physically abuses you
2007-08-14 12:26:07 · answer #10 · answered by pugs5678 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋