Why is it so hard for some people to believe that not everyone has role model parents?

Question

The last time my dad stuck up for me was over 7 years ago, and my mom made him sleep on the couch for it.

I'm 16 now, and my mom openly ignores me, and my dad sits there quietly, shaking his head.

I needed help with my application, and she wouldn't answer any of my questions, my sister had to help me. She will admit to not listening to things I tell her, and calls me names because I don't like the same things she does.

I don't understand why she treats me the way she does. She acts just like her father, but if anyone ever told her that she would freak out. Even her mom believes she acts like him. He molested me and my siblings, but other than that my mom is him all over again. My friends have threatened to say something to her because they believe it's mental abuse. I won't let them, it would only make things worse for me. She never talked to me about the molestation, it would have made her uncomfortable. All I know to do is wait to move, how would you feel?

My grandfather is in prison.

And yes, I have pretty much planned out my future. I do my best in school, I've never had anything below a B. I will be going to college, and I have been trying to find a job to help get me there. My mom drags me down, and makes me feel like I have to apologize for being me. She doesn't get along with her mom, but she doesn't seem to realize that she's doing the same things with me.

My brother and sister are both older and moved out, married, with their own kids. That's why my situation with my mom got worse. We never used to be like this. But since she won't take bad days on the people who make her day that way, or talk about it in a helpful manner, she takes things out on me.

Answer 1

Some parents had not been a good role model to their children because they never had one. Their parents had not been a good role model to them also. That's why they don't know how to be one. Unless they gone through seminars or read some books or any reading materials.

Its been 7years ago! The fact that you see this things and you don't want it to worsen your life, its a good perspective.

Do things right! Find someone, a mother figure, whom you can trust and can help you out of your situation.

Communication in the family is a major key to a happy family. Being true to yourself and believing the truth is the key to live a fruitful life.

Answer 2

I am very sorry to here this. I can't believe your dad stayed with her all these years and lets her control him. You should talk to your dad and tell him how you feel. He probably already knows or has the idea you aren't happy about your "mom." I'm really sorry about your application issue also. I am glad that your sister is there to help you though.
I hope your grandfather is in prison for molesting you and your siblings. I have to agree with your friends, it is mental abuse. To answer the question "How would you feel?", I would probably depressed. I'm sorry, but it must have been really hard to grow up with no role model parents. And also to answer "Why is it so hard for some people to believe that not everyone has role model parents?" It's because some people have what I like to call the "Brady Bunch Lifestyle" and they don't know how hard other peoples' lives can be. I think your mom probably had a hard time growing up with her father. Maybe he even molested her, that's why she didn't talk to you about it. I have also heard that most people treat their kids the same way they were raised. (Not saying you will.) But it's probably how her father treated her. Hang on there for two more years untill you are 18! I know you can do it! Also, you should talk to your school counselor!

Answer 3

You are 16 years old. You are old enough to go to a mental health facility or to your school counsler and talk to them about your home life.
They can do nothing to your mom, but at least you will have a professional to take advice from.
You think things will get worse if your friends say something to your mom? Well
maybe they have to get worse in order to get better.
How old were you when you were molested by your grandfather? Have you talked to your siblings about what happened? Maybe he molested your mom also.
Too bad there is no one who could be given legal guardianship over you until you turn 18.
Your gram, or an aunt maybe?
In your shoes, I certainly would feel unwanted by my parents. Your dad must really be afraid of your mom to not stand up and show you how much he loves you or not even help with your application.
I think your whole family needs counsiling.

Answer 4

You are right, not everyone has model parents. I am a survivor, and soon you will be also. It is great that you look forward to a brighter future, but to help you cope in the meantime, have you tried to map out how you plan on getting to your future? College? Military? If you start working those details out now, and start getting therapy for what you have already experienced, you will not only have a brighter future, but you'll be well enough mentally to enjoy it. If your mother isn't comfortable helping you cope with the molestation, is there someone else with whom you can speak? If she is degrading you or abusing you, do you feel comfortable reporting it, or taking action to stop her from doing so? If not, do you have another role model, or mother-figure from whom you can get loving support?

Answer 5

She may be just like him but as you said she doesnt see it. The only thing I can see from what you said is that she feels guilty for what happened to you and feels uncomfortable with the thoughts and feelings she gets when talking to you. None of which is your fault. She should have never ignored what happened to you. Ihope you had someone to talk to it about. It would take alot to get your mother to talk to it or deal with the circumstances it created. you could try but waiting and just dealing with it til you grow up would be easier. Maybe talk to your dad alone without mom. Atleast that would help you understand hes on your side and knows what you are dealing with even if he feels he cant do much about it.

Answer 6

I would contact social services if this all is true, if for no other reason than to get the SOB arrested before he hurts another child.

your mom needs some help and as long as everyone ignores the problem it will only get worse.

you need to take a stand and stop the abuse before its to late again. Refuse to be a victim again

Answer 7

The people who believe that everybody has model parents has them. Your family sounds pretty messed up, and I'd call social services. If you want to wait until you're 18 and moved out, fine. I just think you should do something for your siblings, if they're younger.
Good luck!

Answer 8

I am so sorry that you are going through this with your parents. Is there any other family members that you could possibly spend time with? Growing up is hard enough, but to have to go through this as well, it just isn't right. God Be with you and I hope you find someone to speak up for you.

Answer 9

Kids need to respect their parents. But when in a situation like this take the higher road and stick it out until you are 18. You never have to see her again and can continue your life.

biha12