Do you ever get tired of feeling like you have to defend your beliefs against ignorant stereotypes?

Question

Ok so I know I'm throwing a pity party, whatever.

It seems constant:

"I believe in equality, but I'm not a feminist"
"Feminists hate men"
"Feminazi"
"I don't wear flannels and I like to shave so I'm not a feminist"
"All feminists are lesbians"
"I'm conservative, so I can't be a feminist"
"All feminists are women"


Ugh. it's exhausting. Anybody feel like this too? What can we do?

Francis M is Happy Bullet.

The user was blacked and still answered the question, as has been done in the past by none other than Mr. Happy Bullet. The jig is up troll.

Francis M is Happy Bullet.

The user was blocked and still answered the question, as has been done in the past by none other than Mr. Happy Bullet. The jig is up troll.

Answer 1

I believe in equality, and I'm proud to call myself a feminist.
I don't hate men.
I'm not a male-basher.
I like wearing flannels sometimes, and I do shave.
I'm not a lesbian.
I'm liberal, and a feminist.
I know that all feminists are not women.

Yes, it's exhausting defending these beliefs over and over and over again....sometimes I wonder if any of it ever really makes a difference. I want to believe. It's just disheartening that the same people asking the same hate-filled questions come in here every day and nothing we say ever seems to make a difference. It's like beating your head against a brick wall! I figure I can't give up, though...because even if only 1 in 100 people actually listen, actually think about it....maybe, just maybe it's worth it in the end. Idealistic thinking? Perhaps. But I just can't seem to give up the hope that with education, (knowledge is empowerment)....things can change.

Answer 2

Yes I do find the repetitive nature of the insults irritating - but then again the ones hurling the insults are idiots, so there's no need to take it too much to heart.

You mentioned HB circumventing the block - he's not the only troll who does this. These narcissists have actually deluded themselves into believing that they - and their opinions - are so important they simply MUST be heard. These people haven't a shred of human decency: just because something you want is on display at the store doesn't mean you can stick it in your pocket and walk away. Most of us respect the rules: sociopaths are the ones who disobey the rules, they are the narcissists who have this incredible sense of entitlement. Just like thieves, G&WS trolls ignore the boundaries because they feel above the law, beyond the rules. They're special - and the rest of us are idiots for abiding by the rules.

These are also the people most likely to have criminal records and history of unstable, unhappy personal relationships.

They come here to project, blame, justify, rationalise...you know the drill.

Answer 3

___It seems constant:--- I often think I spend too much energy on gender issues, but even I don't think that all women hate men or are unfair to men, or intend harm to men or don't give men the benefit of membership in the human moral community.
___"Feminists hate men" -- Well, MANY DO. Mary Daly, for one prominient feminist. Many others, while claiming to not hate men, behave in ways or push policies that do harm to men and boys, without taking adequate care to determine what is good for men and boys in their own terms. Instead, these attitudes and policies try to remake men and boys in feminism's image. From the outside, this resembles hatred, even if it is only a failure to consider men as fully human, which is at best only self-centered.
___"I believe in equality, but I'm not a feminist" -- The quibble here regards feminism's notion of equality, which cherry-picks criteria so that the basic female powers are left untouched, but the men's powers are taken away. Only 29% of American women are willing to call themselves feminists. Though feminists dominate the academic gender discourse, and ensure that contrary discourses are generally dismissed as "reactionary", even the majority of American women sense that something's rotten in the state of feminism.
___"Feminazi"-- this is inelegant and ugly. It's a lame attempt to address the female sorts of control issues and feminists' attempts to ram feminism down the country's throat, as if it really did have claim to some moral high ground.
___"I don't wear flannels and I like to shave so I'm not a feminist"--- A lot of women don't like feminism. This may be a cheap shot, but cheap shots go both ways.
___"All feminists are lesbians" -- This is lame, and few, I think, take it seriously. Some of the trolls toss this out just for effect, but I doubt any of them believe it.
"I'm conservative, so I can't be a feminist" -- Christina Sommers was a conservative feminist, and she got booed out of feminist conferences.
"All feminists are women" --- This isn't true, but for the life of me, I can't think of why it isn't. Some guys, I guess, buy into the myth that feminism really is about equality. Others seem to be whipped into intellectual submission.
___I'm sure that there are plenty of well-intentioned feminists out therewho believe that the implementation of feminist policies will really result in something like sexual equality, but that doesn't mean their good intentions don't nesessarily mean that they're right. And while extreme feminists don't speak for all feminists, even the mainstream of feminism doesn't pay enough attention to the unintended side-effects of feminist policies or to intellectual rigor. Too often, feminists have been caught in positively breathtaking distortions of statistics, blatant misrepresentations of social circumstances, and just plain lies. From the posts in G&WS, I get the sense that the feminists here haven't read any of the texts that do fact-checking on feminist claims.
___There are a lot of feminists out there who are just unreasonable, and when people have enough encounters with unreasonable feminists, they begin to think that all feminists are unreasonable. That's where the stereotypes come from.

Answer 4

Sweetie,

I think it is the leaders of the feminist movement that do the feminist cause harm as well. I believe the feminist movement is right, but it is winning in spite of the leadership rather than because of it. I've heard two leaders of N.O.W. and can tell you they lost support with their speeches. Their speeches were so filled with stereotypes it made most of the feminists in the audience ill. I agree very strongly with your question, but must respectfully point out that both sides are guilty of the offense.

Your good friend, Steve

Answer 5

Yes, all the time. I can't understand why everyone has such a hard time with the word feminist. I am proud to say I am a feminist but on this site their is so much bashing and illiterate views on what the term means. I can't understand why some women are appalled to be called feminists. I have been blocked by a chauvinistic pig that degrades women and thinks we should not be educated and marry out of high school. I guess it is an honor to be blocked by him because maybe in a small way we are educating the people that read his questions and he does not want our views to open their small minds. Also, the stereotype that we all are huge, can't get date, have butch haircuts, hate men, don't get laid, and are lesbians is ridiculous. The majority of feminists I know are well educated, pretty,stylish, independent, and date whoever they want. It is sad that some people on here resent you for speaking up for your beliefs, I have received emails from men wanting to debate the issue further. Sometimes we just want a break and wish people would educate themselves. But, I guess that would be a perfect world.

Answer 6

Here's a simplifed version of alternative, perhaps.

(1) individuals are who they are, male or female. Either you accept them or you don't.

(2) stereotyping are passe, except to say that obviously communication skills are sometimes limited, even by the more educated or more capable.

(3) though some shall never accept that each individual are in fact unique, a number of which sometimes identify or relate, whence their private classification, reference, etc.

P.S. I didn't perceive any pity party. If one does not recognize need, they would be apathetic and unattentive to their own desires.

Answer 7

Yes i have, and yes it has been very hard to get through some of the stuff said and or posted. fact is i finally got so sick of it that i blow my top and decided to no longer be nice and try to be understanding and supportive as i was before.

yes it has sickened me when i seen certain things said and realized that i was viewed as just a man, and that is a bad thing to be.

i decided to sound out against this and say what i thank of it and of any thing like it. well girly, let me tell you i like being a nice guy but why bother has become a new thought for me and yes it has tired me a lot. .............maybe enough so that i am loosing interest in any of it now.

i just want to be my self and be seen as a OK person but this whole men are this and men are that thing is making it so hard. the thing posted on the 12 rules for men in feminine spaces has caused me to take several steps backwards and now all i can thank of is how this just is not a place i should give any concern to................i don't belong here and i cant seem to get pass that.

Answer 8

I never get tired of defending my beliefs because I never talk about them. People are going to think what they do from their own experiences and perceptions, not from anything I can tell them.

Answer 9

Yes it is exhausting, boring and tiring.

I think there is a lack of information about what feminism is. In this side of the world all those comments seem completely absurd, I honestly don't get it.

I have feminist friend, none of them hate men, including myself. I can have strong argument, but this doesn't mean I hate someone. I also have arguments with cherished girlfriends.

Feminism is one of the issues of Amnesty International, so someone that cares about humans, would by default be a feminist. Unless that person doesn't care for the other 50% of the earth's population.

About the shaving, lesbian comments etc...they are just absurd!

Many feminists are men, as we know

Yes, it is tiring., Therefore I go to bed.

Good night from this side of the world.

Behave ;-)

EDIT, to say: Tac, great answer. Now I go to sleep with a smile :-)

Answer 10

Being a black female in America i get that feeling everyday. Hey there's not much we can do... we can't get rid of all the ignorance in the world.