What should i do???

Question

Okay, I have been married for little over a year now. We have a baby. He is my world. After his birth, I totally lost my lust for my husband. Anything he does, doesnt turn me on. NOTHING DOES. Im not attracted to him anymore. BUT there is this guy ...who im totally attracted to..big time. BUT..he is married too and has kids. He is bascially in the same boat im in. I havent DONE ANYTHING with him. We are just real good friends. Is it nomal that this has happened to me?? People say that once u have a baby you go through all these changes...believe me, i am. I fantasize about this guy all the time?!?! IS THIS NORMAL??? what do i need to do. Its driving me crazy. I mean, i love my husband though. Just not in a love way...i guess thats how u put it!! PLEASE HELP ME!!

Answer 1

Your husband should be included in that "whole life" bit, not just the baby. Obviously, you have issues in your marriage, which is why you are no longer attracted to your mate. It is normal to fantasize about other guys, but not to act on those fantasies. What you need to do is go get some counseling to see how to put that spark back into your marriage for the sake of your child. Also, that other guy...is married with kids. PLEASE leave him alone. IF he cheated with you, he'd cheat on you someday, too.,

Answer 2

Hi there,

Calm down and remember that having a baby puts your body through HUGE hormonal changes. I lost my urge for sexual contact after I gave birth as well- although I didn't feel like sex with anyone, I can kind of understand how you feel. Your husband represents the stresses and problems of every day life- you are tired and probably emotional and this other man represents more for you. Please, don't act on these feelings- this other guy is married and he and his wife don't need to suffer for your hormonal turmoil. I suggest that you and your husband seek some kind of counselling BUT you go alone at first so that you can find some peace and direction.

You asked if this is normal. I am really not sure, but frankly, what is normal? You have very real feelings, and they seem to be far too much for you to deal with alone. Other people are in danger of being hurt if you don't get some help (ie: Your husband, this other guy and his wife- any kids involved...)

In short- relax- you are not a dreadful person...you are confused, and your body has gone through many changes- rational thinking has flown out the window. Don't blame yourself- go and get some professional help so you can see clearly. Then you can move on (with or without your husband) and enjoy motherhood.

Good luck with it all.

Answer 3

Well I certainly think you should tell your husband that you don't feel as attracted to him as you used to. Along the way try and find out the reasons why. During this process I think you should hold it off with the other male friend a bit. Don't communicate as much. Since he's in the same boat as you are that means he just as vulnerable. Being vulnerable isn't being strong and committed to the present relationship. When you're not strong in the present relationship your eyes will wander leading into temptation which is EXTREMELY hard to hold against. So if I were you I'd focus on my husband more and my problems with him. For his sake, my sake and of course the baby's sake. Good luck to you! And don't you think about doing anything with this male friend! lol

Answer 4

Well, love dies every day. It happens. I doubt the birth of your son had anything to do with it, it probably just petered out over time. Another thing, how do you know you truly loved him before now? Alot of times, pregnancy can mask or create feelings. However, you need to talk to this other guy and have a plan in place for what you are going to do. Are you both going to try with your spouses for a certain time length and then if it doesn't improve, you both leave your spouses? Or are you and the other guy wanting to move ahead with this and be together now? Or are you both just wanting a physical relationship with each other while staying with your spouses? Figure out what you want, both of you, and then go ahead with it. If you're not in love with your husband anymore, there's no use dragging it out. But remember, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. By the way, if you do decide to leave your husband, break it to him gently. No matter how you go about it, it's going to be painful. Good luck.

Answer 5

It is normal. I went through it with both kids. I suggest you both try to figure out how to find eachother again. Have a "date" night. I will tell you it will ruin your marriage if you don't try to do something.
You are letting the "buterflies" of what could be and something new enter your mind.
Do not have an affair. Did you know that 90% of affairs never work out? And is it really worth it? Speaking from experience here its not worth it. The GRASS IS NOT GREENER! You are "high" from the its a something "new" feeling.
I suggest you and your husband do all you can to build your love back. Do all you can do and if then it still isn't there then divorce but don't CHEAT!

Answer 6

I am so happy I am not in your shoes.......wow! Make your husband happy and divorce him, sounds like your on your way on destroying your life and another family. He deserves better than you., No..I have not been in your position.....thank GOD. You have already cheated..think about it. End it now. You are only going to hurt him more in the long run...but remember this....the guy you have the CRUSH on.....he will never leave his wofe for you, and if he does...you will end up all alone, while he is fantasizing about other women. How could any man respect a woman that is doling what you are doing.

Wishing you the best...you are going to need it.

Answer 7

Having a baby causes severe fluctuations in hormone levels and such. It's quite normal what you are feeling. Have you thought of talking to your OB about it or perhaps a therapist.

I think you are attracted to the other guy due to lust....wanting something that you know you can't have.

I suggest you seek professional assistance, as this can end up being very detramental to your marriage.

Answer 8

After i had my first son i went through a depression. and he is now almost 3, and i still sometimes have a hard time, i have a hrd time giving my husband love and kisses and hugs, and all of that stuff..

I had talked to him about it. and he has helped me somewhat adjust. I too love my husband, and we are great together, but if you truly want it to work, then you need to talk to him about it. If that doesnt work try counceling

Dont let yourself do this to your husband. He does need to know....

Emotional affairs are just as bad as the rest, it ruined a marriage of 12 years between my aunt and uncle.

Answer 9

How sad for your baby that means the "world" to you. If he meant the "world" to you, you would love and stay with his Father.
By continuing to fantasize about this guy you're hurting your marriage.
Your hormones are fine, because you are lusting for another man... I hope you do the right thing.

Answer 10

Sounds as though you'd like to have your cake and eat it too.
Either you love your husband enough and have enough common sense to get professional help or get out and have your fling with that guy or whoever. Remember why you are leaving because you' like to have sex with another man that's all..Don't sugarcoat it call it what it is. Your body is out of whack so get get back in whack and stop all that 'poor me' BS.
I've had three kids and I know what it feels like to be in your shoes.
Normal to feel that way well yes. Normal to act on it no.